[split] Workplace Dynamics

[Diana]

...Being a female as a freelancer, especially when I was in advertising, was an education in dealing with this inequality, and worse, the constant sexualizing—the majority of art directors or owners I had to interface with were male and it never failed that I would be hit on...

I know, completely off topic !  But we're already in the meta forum so...

As a man I can't fully sympathies, but it seems from all the newer policies at work that this is starting to get better.  I hope so at least?  Because our ethics department is so much wishing to make sure they cover all the bases that I no longer feel safe speaking to women at work.  I find myself refraining from contacting them and when required I use emails with my boss in CC.  That being said, it must be refreshing for women in this work environment, having minimal interactions with men and having the certainty that when interactions occur, it will be succinct and 110% only related to work.  No small talk or anything.  The little bit of issue I have with this is that I get along with women much better than with other men.  All my real friends are women, so it's not easy accepting this wedge at work, but that is how our society works it seems.  Instead of teaching men to respect all, including women, we have to legislate so that women can finally have some peace of mind from their interactions with men.

I don't know how to move a thread, so I will respond here. There have been other threads that address the gender conflicts in our society, and it can be a triggering subject for obvious reasons. I don't think these conflicts are in any way simple. And, to promote androgyny makes no sense with 3D or even double-activated 3D bodies, since procreation depends on physical/sexual exchange, and this necessitates hormonal differences. So "equality" must mean something more than we are exactly the same.

Today, this subject is a morass of confusion. I haven't had a job in a workplace for decades, as I started working full-time for myself very young. So I can't speak knowledgeably to that environment. I will say that whatever changes to be made in creating a more compassionate interplay between men, women, (and trans, non-gender, etc.), must include everyone involved. I don't think women blaming men, or men blaming women will get us anywhere. Each individual needs to be accountable and responsible.

It's sad that you feel prohibited from being friendly to the women in your workplace. It reminds me of a time, maybe in the late 80s or early 90s, when child porn was in the news and people were saying that they couldn't even take photos of their babies naked without inciting paranoia. But the reality is that child porn is real; that children and even babies are sometimes sexually abused; and that these offenses are hidden in dysfunctional families. So, in the way societies evolve here, this hidden crime had to surface, and the pendulum often swings too far the other way, but eventually settles into a better, more enlightened, position (or so I would ideally hope).

I really have no doubt that you can navigate these troubled waters. I don't think it is or will be easy. The balance I am guessing would be to not repress who you are but respect the "rules" and be polite and respectful. I am sure I am not telling you anything you don't know. But I will add that I personally would not allow someone to accuse me something I did not do, and I would address that if necessary.

I have another conceptual opinion regarding the workplace which will not be popular but here goes. I will preface by saying that I have worked on site at a client's (an ad agency) for a couple of days at the request of the Creative Director, and I could hardly get anything done, and what I did accomplish was not my best work because of all the distraction due to socializing. When I work in my studio, alone, I am very productive. I realize this is less attainable in a corporate environment where there are so many people. But if I had a business with employees in an office, I would want those employees to actually work and not socialize until the proper time. And, I would probably make them leave their phones at the front desk (I don't think I need to say why). This is not to say I think you, Patrick, abuse the time you are working, because you strike me as a responsible guy. I speak generally, and part of the gender problem at the workplace (certainly not the whole problem, as, we haven't yet addressed the inequality in compensation that still exists, or men getting the promotions, or the credit or other things that apparently still go on because of gender bias) may be all the time spent socializing, when everyone might instead be focused on (and hopefully committed to) the work.

My advice to women: learn self-defense; stand up for yourself; don't blame the men; and be the best you can be.