Other-selves and projection

[Aion]

So there's been a lot of frustration within the house lately.

My brother is hurting real bad, he's really depressed and I know he feels lonely these days. I try my best to keep this in mind when we are trying to talk about issues that we have.

It's hard for me to deal with someone close to me saying "I'm done putting effort into our relationship" or "I lost my brother years ago" (referring to when I started dating someone in 2017 and wasn't hanging with my bro as much,) and then he comes up to my room and asks if I want to talk.

He even knocked on my door yesterday, and when I said "not now please" he threw my door open and started yelling at me.

It's like, I know he's my brother, but under any other circumstances this would be a totally abusive and toxic relationship.

I know I play a part in the confusion.... I've said things that I didn't mean. I still have trouble not reacting to him sometimes. I'm not even mad at him, I don't even see this as his fault or anything. This is just sooooo toxic and it doesn't help either of us!

My brother's feelings of hurt and everything else he is feeling are totally valid, I realize that. However, I can't stick around for this anymore. It's too messy. I don't know what's mine and what is his sometimes, yknow?

I've got some forgiving to do. And I think I need to remove myself from this situation as well.

Just wanted to post an update, but also just wanted to get my thoughts outta my system. My mind has been on overdrive the last couple days! Like, pretend conversations happening in my head. It was hard to fall asleep last night. I had an extra long meditation sesh this morning so that helped.

thanks and love to all you lovely peeple

I'm going to offer you a musical analogy. Right now, you two are playing a very busy piece with a lot of counter-point. The moments of tensions are those moments when your patterns result in a dissonant harmony. Often this happens when two opposing notes are sounded together.

How can you improve on such a composition? There is a lot of focus in music on the "active" elements, notes, tones, rhythm, pulse, beat, all of these things.

However, I'm sure you've heard the saying, "you have to listen to the notes that aren't being played".
In between all the notes and activity is the passive element - silence, rest, SPACE.

Space is such a crucial element to music, not just to create a composition, but also for creativity to flow, and I think these musical principles can be applied to all areas of life.
Space is that time to breathe, time to listen. It sounds like you both could consider more about space.

A friend once suggest to me to "include more space" in my meditations. Maybe you'll find that fruitful as well.