12-15-2020, 06:32 PM
(12-14-2020, 12:32 PM)sillypumpkins Wrote: S
@peregrine - I see, yes. Well, I know that my brother feels very lonely sometimes, and I often feel, from what he's told me, that I am a sort of counter-balance to that. I know he struggles being by himself, and I know he desires meaningful and creative relationships with others. When I started seeing a girl a few years ago, my brother took great offense to that and now tells me that I dropped him, and that he "lost me" around this time. We were living together for a year a couple years ago too, and I was going through some heavy stuff, also was still seeing my girlfriend, so I found it difficult to make time for other things. I was also working a lot. He tells me, to this day, that I dropped him and forgot about him as though it had something to do with him. He'll also point out that, when I was living with my partner and he was living at my dad's, he was always the one who had to come down to see me rather than the other way around. Well...... I was in school, working, and didn't have a car, so again, it had nothing to do with him.
Are these questions that I can even answer, peregrine? Serious question hahahaha. I just feel as though those questions are more apt as personal inquiries rather than interpersonal ones? does that make sense?
Not Peregrine but I think I have another penny to throw out here.
One of my best friends got a new girlfriend at one point and ghosted on our friend group for about 3 years. This was not his first serious girlfriend, and we were no longer teenagers, but not too far off either. She was fairly controlling and didn't like any of us and bla bla bla. Anyways during this time we occasionally hit him up and he would decline most invitations. A few times I got to see him. Eventually he broke up with her and came and started hanging out again and after a couple months one day he was like," dude WTF. You never said a word." I told him it wouldn't have made any difference and I knew he would come back around eventually.
He was so caught up in his new relationship, friends and life that he forgot about his old ones. Nothing wrong with that, it happens. What was important was that afterward he apologized and said it wouldn't happen again. Now he has been married a few years and we still see each other and our other friends.
Your brother says he feels like it had something to do with him, and that is his own insecurity to work on. But your story sounds like a lot of rationalization to me. It might help to look back and see things from not only his perspective, but your own knowing what you do now. Acknowledging your own role in that period would probably help both of you out.