A question for the advanced

[Sacred Fool]

I do have a desire to hurt others and myself. A huge desire. (Interestingly as I said this, I felt energy pressure in the sacrum).
The more I try to put this away, the more it returns back.
It is very deep, but I repress this.
When I have these thoughts, my third eye area feels strange.
I can handle this.
This continues many years.
If it continues forever I am ok with that.

I will pray to the One Creatrix on your behalf, my brother, and I will pray you become aware and receptive of the love which available to you in every moment. 

May you find healing.