04-16-2021, 02:10 PM
(This post was last modified: 04-16-2021, 02:12 PM by Black Dragon.)
If it doesn't pay off there is going to be an awkward conversation between my 6d self and SMC and the solar systems guardians. I don't think I agreed with the ways they handled Atlantis and Lemuria. They tend to make a mess of things, but much like the Earth humans they "protect", seem to be stubborn about not listening to those who know better and offer help. Both the Earth people and this system's guardians are replaying the Orion drama instead of integrating it, or at least have been for a long portion of Earth's history. I hope they have made some progress and have some genuinely competent hands helping them this time. I'm fairly confident things have improved in this area, but Earth souls still bear the scars of those previous experiences. I'm not saying it was entirely the fault of guardians, humanity brought a lot of Atlantis and Lemuria on themselves, but it "takes two to tango". The guardianship also failed. And now this drastic time lateral option.
If it works, it works and I can't knock it. I'm just a little skeptical, but since it's about over anyway it doesn't even matter. Focusing on feeling "cheated" about not going to the happy timeline is an honest feeling, but a bit of detunement/distraction from the objective on my part, which is this timeline and my current work. I of course have not given up on this timeline just because it's hard. Sometimes I just wonder how effective I can radiate to others when I barely know what joy feels like for myself. How I'm supposed to carry out a mission on empty. Nothing will deter me from doing the work but FFS I'd like to ENJOY life for once instead of just trials, tribulations, harshness, and suffering. Maybe I'm just a depressive bastard so I'm on the depressive bastard timeline. Who knows.
Maybe I have just not been able to feel joy through service yet because service always seems futile. I don't know what it is that just keeps me from simple happiness that would make service so much easier.
If it works, it works and I can't knock it. I'm just a little skeptical, but since it's about over anyway it doesn't even matter. Focusing on feeling "cheated" about not going to the happy timeline is an honest feeling, but a bit of detunement/distraction from the objective on my part, which is this timeline and my current work. I of course have not given up on this timeline just because it's hard. Sometimes I just wonder how effective I can radiate to others when I barely know what joy feels like for myself. How I'm supposed to carry out a mission on empty. Nothing will deter me from doing the work but FFS I'd like to ENJOY life for once instead of just trials, tribulations, harshness, and suffering. Maybe I'm just a depressive bastard so I'm on the depressive bastard timeline. Who knows.
Maybe I have just not been able to feel joy through service yet because service always seems futile. I don't know what it is that just keeps me from simple happiness that would make service so much easier.
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