My struggle with the Choice, 2nd guessing.

[Black Dragon]

Who's to say you already haven't walked the negative path to completion already? All the way to 6d STS, and became basically a "Satan", a high level adversary of the light and dark master? That path is walked either by those who's circumstances lead them to believe they have no choice, or those who see the choice and enjoy the dark desires more. Neither of those sound like you. It sounds like you not only fully see and understand the choice, know you have a choice, but that you also intrinsically prefer the light more, having sampled both darkness and light and the consequences in your current incarnation. Being STO does not mean disowning your shadow at all, because that's not the STO path. the STO path is integrating it. You are already off to a good start just by acknowledging and expressing those darker attractions.

I agree with Patrick in that the net result of the STS path is more misery, both for yourself and others...who are ultimately yourself. You seem like a non-conformist type who likes a challenge. There is plenty of that for you on the positive path. Plenty of self-mastery, and more than enough "heat". It is anything but soft and boring, and the STS path isn't really all that liberating or empowering as its proponents might suggest. Trust me on that one.