Roaches ....

[pat19989]

Pat from what I gather from your posts you hold yourself to a very high standard and get angry at yourself when you don't meet your own expectations.
May I suggest to be kind and loving to yourself even if you "fail". Give yourself a hug! This is not an easy place and time to be here anyways, we all struggle in our own unique ways....
I hope it comes not across as intrusive, when I say this, it is just what came to my mind reading this thread
on another note, I will try to stop killing the mosq and flies altogether - Diana's loving kindness attitude really impressed me.
Taking out the scorpions - just WOW!

Let me add one little zen story here, it contains one of those stingy creatures

Two monks were washing their bowls in the river when they noticed a scorpion that was drowning. One monk immediately scooped it up and set it upon the bank. In the process he was stung.

He went back to washing the bowl when he noticed the scorpion fall into the water again. The monk once again saved the scorpion and was stung again.

The other monk asked him, “My dear friend, why do you continue to save the scorpion when you know its nature is to sting.”

“Because,” the monk replied, “to save it is my nature.”

Thank you Margan ! I appreciate your observation and advice, and do not find it intrusive. Any reminder to go easier on myself is welcomed .

That's a beautiful story as well. I feel that humanity deep down has this tendency to want to act as a saving or 'mothering' force to those we perceive as needing it. Just recently I past a bird who was injured and unable to fly struggling in the road. I felt something inside me that would just not allow it to stay in the road where it would be crushed by car inevitably, even though I knew very well it would be killed in another way eventually. I was faced with this dilemma of interfering just to change the matter of death. I moved the bird, but couldn't really justify why. It may have been eaten that night, or starved to death, both I would think would cause probably more pain and suffering than a quick blow from a car. But something inside me made me move that bird, even though the logic in my mind was identical to my previous sentence.