Hey everyone,
Just going to add my little bit into this thread.
I've struggled a lot with depression/feeling suicidal/not wanting to be in this incarnation anymore.
Whilst spiritual material, specifically the Ra material, has helped come to terms with being in this incarnation, depending on the severity of the feelings-some things I read in this area are just not helpful at all, and even make me feel worse.
For example, reading about how much of a blessing it is to be here right now, we are the creators of our own reality, when we cross over we will regret not trying harder etc. I don't think for a second that none of this is true, but it doesn't actually help with the intense emotional/spiritual pain I endure at times. I feel awful for not authentically being able to have this attitude.
I have been, and still am for the most part, very lost and confused about what it is exactly I came here for and I need to be doing. I almost feel like it's pointless if I am not awakening full to my mission, often feeling like a failure and that I have been beaten by third density, getting obsessive in my thoughts at times about hitting the 51% mark so I could get the hell outta here.
One day, I was just truthful with myself. As distasteful as this is, If someone gave me a get out of jail card right now I would take it. I do not want to be here.
But, If I really am a wanderer, if I really can help bring in healing energies to Gaia, and if working on myself really does help other people here as we are all one, then I don't need to accomplish anything grand. Just staying here on Earth, working on balancing my self, sending love and light where I can, IS SERVICE TO OTHERS. I am winning if I can do that, I am serving if I can balance my self as much as possible, if I go against what often feels like my true desire to check out of here, in the faith that my existence is somehow serving the whole. I am doing that with the intention of serving others and coming to terms with the fact that just staying alive may be the most I can offer in this incarnation.
I can accept this.
And it makes things easier for me.
Love & Light & Hugs to all my brothers and sisters here xxx
Just going to add my little bit into this thread.
I've struggled a lot with depression/feeling suicidal/not wanting to be in this incarnation anymore.
Whilst spiritual material, specifically the Ra material, has helped come to terms with being in this incarnation, depending on the severity of the feelings-some things I read in this area are just not helpful at all, and even make me feel worse.
For example, reading about how much of a blessing it is to be here right now, we are the creators of our own reality, when we cross over we will regret not trying harder etc. I don't think for a second that none of this is true, but it doesn't actually help with the intense emotional/spiritual pain I endure at times. I feel awful for not authentically being able to have this attitude.
I have been, and still am for the most part, very lost and confused about what it is exactly I came here for and I need to be doing. I almost feel like it's pointless if I am not awakening full to my mission, often feeling like a failure and that I have been beaten by third density, getting obsessive in my thoughts at times about hitting the 51% mark so I could get the hell outta here.
One day, I was just truthful with myself. As distasteful as this is, If someone gave me a get out of jail card right now I would take it. I do not want to be here.
But, If I really am a wanderer, if I really can help bring in healing energies to Gaia, and if working on myself really does help other people here as we are all one, then I don't need to accomplish anything grand. Just staying here on Earth, working on balancing my self, sending love and light where I can, IS SERVICE TO OTHERS. I am winning if I can do that, I am serving if I can balance my self as much as possible, if I go against what often feels like my true desire to check out of here, in the faith that my existence is somehow serving the whole. I am doing that with the intention of serving others and coming to terms with the fact that just staying alive may be the most I can offer in this incarnation.
I can accept this.
And it makes things easier for me.
Love & Light & Hugs to all my brothers and sisters here xxx
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