03-09-2011, 05:06 PM
Thanks, everyone.
I'm not sure what would make me choose to deal with this pre-incarnatively, except to help me learn humility. I feel like that's a big focus in this life...if my memories of past lives (and this one) are correct, pride has been a severe issue for me for some time, and I've had a hard time relating to other people and not seeing myself as superior (coupled with low self-esteem, of course). How can I not have sympathy and understanding for my fellow man when I've had to depend on others so much in this life because of these issues? It's really taken me down a few pegs. I think that could be one of the reasons I have such an acute empathy as well...in feeling the pain of others, I'm forced to relate to them and see them as equals.
Still, I feel like somehow it is all my fault- like I'm doing something wrong, and if I was doing everything right I wouldn't be so messed up in the head. It feels like a punishment, or like I'm just broken or defective. I know this is not the most rational of thinking, but I feel so pathetic when I go into one of my especially bad bouts...it's embarrassing for people to see me in such a state. I've begged and pleaded that it be taken away, but the message I get tends to be that this is a thorn in the side that is going to stay until the end of the incarnation, and I need to make accommodations to deal with it.
I guess the only choice is to keep going forward.
I'm not sure what would make me choose to deal with this pre-incarnatively, except to help me learn humility. I feel like that's a big focus in this life...if my memories of past lives (and this one) are correct, pride has been a severe issue for me for some time, and I've had a hard time relating to other people and not seeing myself as superior (coupled with low self-esteem, of course). How can I not have sympathy and understanding for my fellow man when I've had to depend on others so much in this life because of these issues? It's really taken me down a few pegs. I think that could be one of the reasons I have such an acute empathy as well...in feeling the pain of others, I'm forced to relate to them and see them as equals.
Still, I feel like somehow it is all my fault- like I'm doing something wrong, and if I was doing everything right I wouldn't be so messed up in the head. It feels like a punishment, or like I'm just broken or defective. I know this is not the most rational of thinking, but I feel so pathetic when I go into one of my especially bad bouts...it's embarrassing for people to see me in such a state. I've begged and pleaded that it be taken away, but the message I get tends to be that this is a thorn in the side that is going to stay until the end of the incarnation, and I need to make accommodations to deal with it.
I guess the only choice is to keep going forward.