How to forgive the one who has hurt you the most?

[Urantia444]

First, let me say that I understand your pain.

I am no expert on forgiveness, as I am working on that myself. However, I would like to address your responsibility. And I want to say that this is only my opinion.

You have no responsibility to your family. Let me explain what I mean.

Your only responsibility is for your own life, behaviors, actions etc. You cannot change others, nor should you want to. Your father for instance may have lessons to learn and the situation he has created for himself is facilitating that. Your mother may be helping him do this, and simultaneously facilitating her own growth (perhaps she needs to learn to stand up for herself) which simultaneously is being helped by your father. Perhaps even the ancestor you mentioned is helping them learn their lessons. We cannot judge another's life plan as we have no way of knowing what it is, just as it is hard for us to figure out our own. There is no "blame" as you have recognized--rightly so--that it goes back generations with no starting point.

Here is what you can do, and what, in my opinion, is a better use of your energy. Shine your light, as your name implies. Be an example for your family by making your life as good as you can. Take the cosmic view and remove yourself from the emotional drama. When, in time, your family notices the evolved person you are, they will notice. You will be a beacon for them to rise above their own miseries.

As for your childhood, many of us have suffered through that. You are not alone. And in the words of Tom Robbins, It's never to late to have a happy childhood. Just a bit of fun there, but if you are in college you must be young, and I hope you can lighten your burden by letting go a little, and while evolving spiritually, have some fun too .

My Opinion matches Diana's......true personal healing will not come from revenge or stricking-back. As Diana mentions - taking the larger "cosmic" view (as if you are the third party looking in). I have discovered a great emotion and ally by removing myself. Pity grew within me - greater and greater for those that have hurt me. I realized their life path must be so tormented - that they find it easier to deal by stricking out. We each have our own path and must decide how we re-ACT to those that wish to share their pain. Being a SURVIVOR is the better choice than allowing yourself to be the perfect willing VICTIM....which do ou wish to be? A survivor has moved beyond the grasp of the offender - leaving only pity.
I am a SURVIVOR of bigotry, sexual & phisical abuse, and broken homes (both parents married three times).....I do not allow myself to be defined by my past circumstances...I am a light-filled being that is here to make a positive impact for better futures - how SO VERY liberating it is!

May your future be filled with love, joy, and freedom!