06-17-2011, 12:20 PM
Even though I learned meditation back in the 60s and regularly attended channeling sessions, I could be a real *sshole. This culminated when I went to work at a Silicon Valley computer company that had an enormous level of stress inherent in its culture. Practically everybody walked around with virtual knives in their backs, and I had more than my share.
I got to the point where my resentment of many other people at work was causing physical harm and, one night as I waited for sleep, I came up with an exercise that I thought might help this. I would picture each person as standing directly in front of me, also standing, and I would look them in the eye and say, "I forgive you."
At first, even in this imaginary situation, I couldn't look them in the eye and say that, because I didn't mean it. I said it, but I looked away or looked down. I did this morning and night, except sometimes when I forgot to. After awhile, say a few weeks, I forced my imaginary self to look one person in the eye and say it, and he had a very surprised, puzzled and sad look on his face. So did each of the others.
Not long after that, like same day or next, I realized that I didn't need to forgive ANY of them, I only needed forgiveness myself. So then I imagined facing those same people to ask them to forgive me. That felt right and good. This completely changed my life. I saw that those people were struggling just as much as I was.
Since then I am a different person, and others behave differently toward me as well.
I got to the point where my resentment of many other people at work was causing physical harm and, one night as I waited for sleep, I came up with an exercise that I thought might help this. I would picture each person as standing directly in front of me, also standing, and I would look them in the eye and say, "I forgive you."
At first, even in this imaginary situation, I couldn't look them in the eye and say that, because I didn't mean it. I said it, but I looked away or looked down. I did this morning and night, except sometimes when I forgot to. After awhile, say a few weeks, I forced my imaginary self to look one person in the eye and say it, and he had a very surprised, puzzled and sad look on his face. So did each of the others.
Not long after that, like same day or next, I realized that I didn't need to forgive ANY of them, I only needed forgiveness myself. So then I imagined facing those same people to ask them to forgive me. That felt right and good. This completely changed my life. I saw that those people were struggling just as much as I was.
Since then I am a different person, and others behave differently toward me as well.
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