He Who Was Not

[manjusri]

In my memory I feel like I did indeed make it as far as possible in the realm of STS, I have the strong impression that I hit the wall and now I am humbly having to accept my need for a change in polarity before I can progress any further. After the fourth density there is little interaction with other beings, almost like developing your own personal void with which to isolate yourself and do your workings. STS is concerned with one singular thing, personal power, that is where the association with enslavement comes from. For me, I have been a general of vast armies, fought in wars on numerous planes of existence, lost countless lovers, wandered endlessly for thousands of years, all for the sake of power. I have memories of attacking my own kingdom for the sake of increased power, meshing with demons and angels with all sorts of absurd energies. When you go along the path to STS it is exactly that, you eventually lose desire for controlling other selves because it is seen that the highest form of control is self control. You become so self-indulgent in your own power that you disillusion yourself in to believing you are all that is necessary for existence, you lose the recognition of other-self and self, there is only self. You become enslaved by your own power until eventually you discover that you have nothing more to do with it. When you only believe in yourself what need do you have for powers of manipulation and destruction? You have absolutely no choice but to turn those powers of control to powers of protection because there is nothing more that can be done with the self until it is recognized that the self is multiple in nature. Polarity is just a means of gaining power, and all work is good. I see STS as searching for the one through singularity and STO as searching through multiplicity, the singularity will always be revealed as just one in a system. I find there is little need to express the nature of third density STS, because in this place neither STS nor STO are thoroughly defined because we are currently in the throes of the choice, the working use of the two paths doesn't come until the next density I would believe. In this place, forget labels, decide what kind of work you want to do and do it, that is all that is important.

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Also, I would agree that many wanderers possess a depressive state due to their deep contemplations, particularly concerning the state of suffering and the human condition. This is very particular of old souls whom have already experienced compassion I feel. For me, I think I have some depression because of the realization of my need for polarity shift and as a result have become over-empathetic towards suffering, I must be wary of martyrdom.

The part about being a general and all that really stood out to me because I´ve been in those shoes. I´m a Wanderer from 6th density with dark undertones and as such don´t really understand how certain people could be of such a "light" essence as if there isn´t any darkness in them. Maybe they´re relatively young souls and not as “seasoned” as those who walked both paths. I know I have gone through the STS path to the highest I could and now I´m STO but I agree with you about forgetting the labels and simply be in the present and just do it. Now balancing my heavy intellectual inclinations with more love, got plenty of opportunity to do that. And, I guess that "dark" STO Wanderers are quite well-suited to serve on Earth at this time due to the denseness and negativities here, it´s like we can run those energies through our systems and effectively transmute them. Perhaps clearing part of those energies we´ve created in the first place long ago.

(This is my first post here, hehe, ever since I´ve studied the LOO since a few years ago.)