My Dark Night of the Soul

[unity100]

As for being homeless, I honestly don't want to be because the winter is coming up, but I KNOW my mom will try to commit me to the mental hospital. I was there in 2008 because I dealt with my first break up and it wasn't really a fun experience, but my mom will ask me, "are you suicidal" and if I say yes, my a$$ will be in the hospital very quickly. She would do that. Ironic, she is a nurse in a state mental hospital. If I say no, then I'll get a huge a$$ lecture on how I have to work to survive and live comfortably. They are very money oriented people.

say 'no' then, and get your badass lecture about how to work to live comfortably and blah blah, thank your mother, and let it go. then walk towards whatever destination you want to walk towards.

your parents do not need to know whatever spiritual strides you are making. even if you rip all veils and achieve major breakthroughs, they may not even be able to understand it even after they are dead for a long time, with all the amenities they can have access to in time/space. so let it go.

nod your head, say yes, and dismiss it. you would have to do these when they became too old anyway.

Living comfortably? I live in a freakin attic of a small apartment with no utilities included and I don't even have gas turned on for my damn stove. I have to use a microwave because I can't risk a gas bill. I don't have cable so I use an anteanne for free tv. I can imagine most people in America would be like "no stove?! no cable?! I can't live that way!!" Well, I do everyday and have become quite accustomed to it.

ironic you say these. if you look at it, the area i am using in my house is no larger than 25 m2 on average. and i live in a 60m2 house even. i didnt buy gas for my stove last time it ran out (we buy it in containers here), and im doing away with single electric heater unit. and one kettle.

i dont watch tv even. i dont even cook. i generally eat bread, yoghurt, some fruits, cheese and so on. for years now.

not because i cant. but because i just dont. i didnt feel any lesser for these either. in the end it seems that a lot of the bullcrap that the society advertises, came up inflated.

so far my only luxuries are internet, and i think silence.

I was feeling really suicidal the past few weeks just not knowing what was going to happen if I didn't get unemployment. Its hard getting a job in this area and 95% are low paying service jobs.

'area' ? in the age of internet ? did you check the links i gave ? through internet you can find a job in another area too.

But through all my struggles, it has taught me there is a blessing in even the smallest things when you are desperate, like simple food and drink. I have to live off of Ramen noodles and PBJ sandwiches

hahahahaa. im not even living off stuff like these. and i think im better for it.