My Dark Night of the Soul

[unity100]

After I went into the hospital in 2008, they prescribed me some of that Abilify. Big mistake. It made me totally restless and they had to give me a medication to counter the effects of the Abilify. A med for a med??? I don't think so. I felt a little bit better, but I feel meds prescribed by a doctor in league with the pharmaceutical companies is not the way for me.

I can deal with being alone and anti-social and depressed. I've had years of practice but I can do it. I guess my real problem is that I don't have a job now and I'm financially strapped. I hate doing meaningless work and I despise the 9-5 rat race routine, but I have altogether $15. Ironic I can deal with all that, but I can't deal with finances. Unfortunately, the world is run on money and its very sad.

I'm honestly terrified to go back to work because people terrify me, especially the public. It's like I already paid my dues dealing with snotty and ignorant people when I worked at Wal-Mart and the call center. It's not that I am that lazy. I just hate dealing with crappy miserable people who have nothing better to do than b!tch at a complete stranger over something that is usually so minute and trivial.

I just feel that if I have to slave away being yelled and cursed in front of the public just to make 8-9 dollars an hour to eek my way through life, then thats a life not worth living at all, especially for one who worked their a$$ off in college to get a degree writing meaningless papers that never got me anywhere in the long run. But lock me in a room by myself, put me on auto-pilot doing the same easy random work and pay me 10-11 dollars an hour and I'll be fine as long as I don't have to deal with people or BS. Many of you would say that thats insane, but I don't do well with stress at work. My life is already crappy, so why should work make it even more crappier? It's like the Universe saying, "ok, we'll give you a job. But we're going to still make you broke and on top of that, we're going to have you deal with the meanest people around!! ahaha!!!"

All I ask from God right now is just to approve my unemployment (which I believe I deserve anyway!) so I can have some peace of mind. At this point, there really isn't anything anyone can do for me.

have you checked the links i have given ?