My Awakening. Or Grand Delusion. You Choose.

[Oldern]

Great opening post, and a lengthy discussion already, I have to say : )

Well.
If I am a wanderer, then I did a hell of a bad job out of it so far.
One thing I was always sure in this lifetime: the usual issues of my schoolmates, work colleagues and "peers" (not to mention: relatives) eluded me. I did not get why one has to be measured against others to be succesful. I did not get the testosteron-heavy fights and alpha-male seeking that continues even after school. I did not get the "existentiality". When I was living in the university dorm with two other people in a 3*2m room for years, I gave up (unconsciously!) on my "private life" and many people I know resented even visiting me, seeing how little space I have to live in. Well, as a "geek", it was okay for me, but looking back in retrospective, there might have been more to that.

Now that I have been pondering with chakra opening meditation, I really feel like my life has become better now that I focus on the "existantial" side of me that really has been neglected (red/orange/yellow, and luckily green should be alright now : ).

Does this translate into being a wanderer? My mind was always open to everything being one, connected. I had a deeper sense of supernatural since a child. I do not know what that means, but I am sure at least in that I am not like others, whose main problem is fame, money, sexuality and constant fighting in the places they learn/live/study. I am not immaculate, but these are not defining properties to me.

Well, if this translate into simply being in an incarnation when I am facing different issues or being a wanderer is a question I cannot yet answer. All I know is that since encountering Ra material, all I can think about when doing creative stuff is "how can I slowly, steadily inject this knowledge into those that might be compatible with it, even if they themselves do not know it?".