12-10-2011, 06:26 PM
I have huge difficulty maintaining my composure. I've reached a point where I am in the point where I can operate at what I and most LL people would consider "Sto-candidate type stuff" like helping the poor and unfortunate and so on.
But while I construct my psyche to be one of a worker for light, I am unsure if all my actions have turned out such.
So a few weeks back I invited total surrender and acceptance of my faults, revelation of all my demons and how they control and attach to me. And now, when i wrote this and wrote this, I am battling with one that makes my ego bloat in a very specific way.
It is sort of this dissassembling dissocitiative depersonalisation thing after childhood abuse.
But it is also this sort of demonic possession that has like 5-6 roots into my soul from where it controls my actions.
There is the ego bloat, the dissassembling, the depersonalizated warmth that prevents action, the sadness from missed opportunity, the hatred for mirrors and reflective surfaces and fear of change. Those ive been working on one by one but damn it is difficult.
Most I can go through, but the ego bloat is one tough SOB. Especially the sidebranching concept how it promogulates faulty ideas.
But while I construct my psyche to be one of a worker for light, I am unsure if all my actions have turned out such.
So a few weeks back I invited total surrender and acceptance of my faults, revelation of all my demons and how they control and attach to me. And now, when i wrote this and wrote this, I am battling with one that makes my ego bloat in a very specific way.
It is sort of this dissassembling dissocitiative depersonalisation thing after childhood abuse.
But it is also this sort of demonic possession that has like 5-6 roots into my soul from where it controls my actions.
There is the ego bloat, the dissassembling, the depersonalizated warmth that prevents action, the sadness from missed opportunity, the hatred for mirrors and reflective surfaces and fear of change. Those ive been working on one by one but damn it is difficult.
Most I can go through, but the ego bloat is one tough SOB. Especially the sidebranching concept how it promogulates faulty ideas.