Poetry

[turtledude23]

Strong Light
When the light is too strong
It exposes my emptiness
My hollowness
My longing for something
For something more
My pining
My waiting
My distracting
The thinness of my will to carry on
Can I ever truly know why I took this challenge upon myself?
Could I have experienced a different life?
What end does any type of life serve?
I once sought to appease my desire for coping - in solitude
Recently I depend more on others for that most essential of crutches
The crutches we all limp with, some faster than others
Towards a finish line that is as blurry as our starting point
Towards the unknown
I'd ask for someone's help if I believed my hollowness could ever be filled
I pursue my theories to some avail
They provide me with just enough relinquishment of suffering for me to start another project
And it begins again
And again
And again
The strong light is always shining, but is only let into my sight once in a while
Perhaps when I need a push froward
Perhaps randomly
Should I continue onwards?
I most likely will
But it will never change these emotions I feel
Or are they shells of emotions?
I asked her if she wants someone to understand her the way I look for the same
I anxiously await her response
Why?
Leave me alone conscience
Leave me alone pain
Leave me alone awareness
If this life is to end anyways then why torture me in between?
Can it truly be worth it?
How can I know if there's any point to this at all?
What do I endure for?
When what I long for is never within my reach
Though I am often granted with morsels of unexpected happiness
It doesn't extinguish the flames of torment within me
They may be cooled more often now than before
But am I any less fake?
Is my life not just as much of a lie now as it was years ago?
The neccessities of life as a human prove too daunting for me
Interaction
Politeness
Money
Hunger
Cold
Heat
Fear of death
Disdain of life
Why?
I relate more to Dexter than to anyone I know
Except for maybe her
She who doesn't even want to meet me, for reasons I do not comprehend
Am I a horse chasing a carrot I will never reach?
A traveler in the desert walking towards an oasis which only exists within in my mind?
Was the double meaning of my last line a sign to me?
Who knows.
Can anyone know anything ever?
I give up.
My heart has eased
My mind calls me towards season 2 of Dexter
Farewell WordPad, you have been a good friend to me.