things just keep on happening...

[xlsander]

today is another of these days where i have been hit hard in the face ...

for a year now i have been going thorugh the hardest time of my life - my awakenin gbegan last december - since then i lost all my investments (i have a family of 5 to take care of) - and it wasnt even me doing the mistakes but one to a large extent obviously - i trusted the wrong people - still i welcomed all this as catalyst for me to have me have realization and open my chakras - which worked really well on that level - still this doesnt feed my family - and fills mw with sorrow up to a point which i feel i cant take anymore - and whenever things started to turn a little my way - after a loving discipline of maintaining positive thoughts, continous seeking of the love in every moment no matter how devastating it has been and right when i felt finally things look like they will work out this time - i get punched in the face big time right at 99% before "the miracle" is supposed to happen - this happened to me this year a couple of times already up until now - i am tired ... - i dont know know if i care about grauation and whether i am a wanderer or not and and and ... all i wanted is to provide for my fam and all i end up doing is creating more difficult life circumstances for them... maybe ill just jump off somewhere to really know what i am or what i am not ...sorry to be bothering you...