04-11-2012, 09:38 AM
I think the problem is that you are attempting to conquer this part of yourself instead of accepting and integrating it. Generally, the more you try to force something, the more stubborn it becomes. You can't just purge out your shadow self and suddenly be 100% positive. All experience contributes to who you are today, and all of it can be useful. My time in the darkness allowed me to help people I may otherwise never have reached, so there is no reason for guilt or self-hatred. You simply pick and choose which aspects to bring forward in your life and which to let slide to the background naturally. The healer I see is always telling me "Stop forcing! ALLOW!" Allow your emotions to be, and allow love to fill your heart. If you set your intention to follow the positive path, you'll find your life falling into place around you if you just allow it to be so. It's easier than it sounds.
And don't be afraid to ask for help- from your guides and angels or whatever power you call upon. Convincing yourself that you are alone on your journey is one of the easiest ways to fall into despair and then into negativity.
I was on the negative path for...we'll just say a long time, and I know the challenges that come from emerging out of that lifestyle. For a good while I was crushed with guilt. My pride was so bruised that I immediately became angry any time someone gave me advice. Everything seemed like an attack on my ability to be a worthy human being. My heart felt like a cheap, crappy light bulb that kept flickering on and off, and every time it went off I would become enraged and attempt to control it as if it were a tool instead of the seat of unconditional love. It certainly wasn't a flawless transition and several times I almost fell back into my old ways simply because it took away the feeling that I was dying inside. But I had good friends willing to help me every step of the way, and when I finally swallowed my pride and began calling on my higher assistance I found myself slowly healing.
There won't always automatically be people to create a support network for you. You have to create it yourself. Find positive people who can help you stay in the right mindset, and call on the guys up above day and night. Quite often very dark, suffocating thoughts still begin to fill my head and I feel a part of myself reaching for that old power again, and every time this happens I call on my guides in my mind and ask them to help me keep a positive mindset- to fill my heart with love and assist me in keeping myself focused. Sometimes I have to call on them literally hundreds of times a day, but it works.
You're definitely not alone.
And don't be afraid to ask for help- from your guides and angels or whatever power you call upon. Convincing yourself that you are alone on your journey is one of the easiest ways to fall into despair and then into negativity.
I was on the negative path for...we'll just say a long time, and I know the challenges that come from emerging out of that lifestyle. For a good while I was crushed with guilt. My pride was so bruised that I immediately became angry any time someone gave me advice. Everything seemed like an attack on my ability to be a worthy human being. My heart felt like a cheap, crappy light bulb that kept flickering on and off, and every time it went off I would become enraged and attempt to control it as if it were a tool instead of the seat of unconditional love. It certainly wasn't a flawless transition and several times I almost fell back into my old ways simply because it took away the feeling that I was dying inside. But I had good friends willing to help me every step of the way, and when I finally swallowed my pride and began calling on my higher assistance I found myself slowly healing.
There won't always automatically be people to create a support network for you. You have to create it yourself. Find positive people who can help you stay in the right mindset, and call on the guys up above day and night. Quite often very dark, suffocating thoughts still begin to fill my head and I feel a part of myself reaching for that old power again, and every time this happens I call on my guides in my mind and ask them to help me keep a positive mindset- to fill my heart with love and assist me in keeping myself focused. Sometimes I have to call on them literally hundreds of times a day, but it works.
You're definitely not alone.
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