Life is so weird..

[Charles]

Lycen, okay, so let me follow you.

You Are getting on with your own life my friend. Sitting on your ass may be the life you're in (at the moment) and combined with "so much turmoil, selfishness, fear and unease," your ass probably hurts.

A few basic spirit lessons:

We were made in Gods image. That image isn't visual (That One is All Things, every blade of grass, and No Thing, in the vacuum of space). That image has to do with our potential abilities. We each contain a spark of That One, and we each co-create our lives and our world. . . .

So what you think is true, is true.
When I find my mind thinking a negative, I put a hugh red X over it, and I change my mind. It's deliberate. Do it often enough, and it's habit.

Stop focusing on this hole you dug for yourself, focus instead on the ladder or the staircase you design. Start climbing upwards, and rest at the stops along the way. These rest stops may be the various jobs you have as you find yourSelf. One great leap may not be so wise, backs are broken that way. Take your time, focus upon the interest that holds you, and be flexible. That interest will change over time, so allow that. When selfish anger and fear dissipate, you'll be a new man, and you'll develop new interests. Allow that, and go along with yourSelf.

All of our experiences are good, from our soul perspective. We are here to learn and to grow, and the best lessons aren't easy. Business failures, accidents, family tensions, and tragedies, physical and emotional pains, are happening all around us. Accelerated learning seems to be required for many souls in this lifetime. Think of what you may need to learn (?), to be happy, to get a job, and to hold that job.

*Singing? Maybe a job singing commercials? Maybe you need an agent? Nightclubs?

*Animals? (mentioned in your forum info.) So study dog training maybe. Study to be a Vets assistant. Animal groomer? Any near-by zoo (?) … call and find out what sort of education is needed to work there? All these jobs require education.

*Travel? This one's more difficult. Join the Secret Service, or whatever govt. agency there may be in Estonia that includes travel. (For that one, they may pay for your training.) Or learn about cameras, travel the world, take pictures and write about it. Or combine two interests, and become a wild life photographer.

*Parkour? So are you obese or physically fit? If fit, then gardening, contracting and building, training people in gyms, becoming a sports coach for children . . . ?

Any damned job will do to create the funds you may need to study to do whatever you choose. No education needed, become and artist model (any art schools around?). Garbage collection. Post Office. Trucker. I don't know, anything, and be wise enough to know it's wonderful to have a job, and that this one is temporary anyway.

I understand you need money, but perhaps there may be a job involving service to others? Finding a way to help others may just help you to put your problems into perspective (you will be meeting people with problems). Study physical therapy? Nursing? It also may give you joy, you may just make someone who feels hurt and desperate, laugh.

And speaking about STO, remember your mother. She is living with your anger and confusion right now. Maybe instead of a sandwich at the table, you may both go out together and picnic in the park? Try being kind, try having fun, it will help you clear your mind.

You say (again, from forum info) that you like the great outdoors? Study horticulture, and become a gardener, perhaps a great garden designer while we're at it. Maybe get a job working in a plant store with lots of books for you to read during breaks.

Think of more answers than I've provided. Create a life that interests you, and create it in your mind, in great detail. Being a co-creator is allowed to be fun.

Could you be a Fireman, or a Private Eye, instead of a policeman? Are there any companies hiring guards for businesses or rich people around?

And get a handle on your anger. Walk around your home and your universe surrounded by Infinite White Light (I do, and I put this same Light on my dog, my home, my car . . ) Then, only joy is permitted to reach you within that Light, and only good may go out from you. Walk in comfort because you have your invisible light shield.

Please please love yourself. Confusion allowed. Love encouraged. Joy also allowed and encouraged.

You do not have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body.
(I love the way that's put, I read it somewhere.)