The mysterious nature of time

[godwide_void]

Dear godwide, I am not all that wonderful person that you make of me. Because of being exposed to constant fear, trepidation and terror of bodily pain, I have knowingly or unknowingly made my being the storehouse of dark energies. In order to escape the pain of my being and to prove my self-worth before my tormentors, I even tried polarizing negative in order to increase my personal sense of self-importance and will-power. I even tried courting the loyal opposition, as Carla would put it.

In the deepest core of my being, are such violent thought-forms that I could be classified as mentally insane or dangerous to society. In fact, I have been on the verge of committing the most grotesque of physical violence on my aged parents, though always some invisible hand has so far, by the grace of the ONE, has prevented it from happening. All the self-righteous words that you read from me here are hollow in terms of teachings that are not being practiced personally by me.

1.9 Questioner: If an individual makes efforts to act as a catalyst in general to increase the awareness of planetary consciousness, is he of any aid in that direction, or is he doing nothing but acting upon himself?

Ra: I am Ra. We shall answer your question in two parts, both of which are important equally.

Firstly, you must understand that the distinction between yourself and others is not visible to us. We do not consider that a separation exists between the consciousness-raising efforts of the distortion which you project as a personality and the distortion which you project as an other personality. Thus, to learn is the same as to teach unless you are not teaching what you are learning; in which case you have done you/they little or no good. This understanding should be pondered by your mind/body/spirit complex as it is a distortion which plays a part in your experiences at this nexus....

I have been guilty of the above underlined, Godwide. I am saying all this to you because I want my shadow side or the dark side to experience the pure white light of the ONE, so that it is transformed into a tool of service of the light, rather than that of the darkness, even in an inadvertent fashion. I even feel that probably my aura has been punctured and encroached upon, due to years and years of negative mental mentations, inspired mainly by fear for the bodily self; but including extreme pride and arrogance, stemming from the need to be part of the elite, at least in personal mental thought of the self. That seed-thought has been there with me right from my days of childhood, and my various spiritual wanderings were an accessory for that purpose. No more am I able to hide the sick state of my internal spirit and the dissimilitude of my spiritual existence. All my words stem from pure intellectual reasoning and understanding, gv, and more or less are devoid of the heart. There is a long way to go for me, my friend, though that way can collapse and be reached in a moment by the grace of the One Infinite Creator.

I have taken a conscious decision to submit and seek the heart of the One Infinite Creation, for my stench can be transfigured into the most pleasant fragrance, only by the grace of the mysterious ONE, the force behind and beyond all manifestation. I am truly a confused and terrified soul, gv; albeit one who is now trying to seek the spirituality of the true heart. I do not know how long this phase will last before I slip back into the old mental ruts of fear, delusions, hallucinations, guilt and violent thought-forms. What I need most now is not a computer, my dear brother; but prayers from you and from fellow brothers and sisters here, who may be interested to hold me in their thoughts. I have been on the verge many times before, gv, and I am afraid now. Terrified and petrified even. I do not often say this as I believe I may have already made wary, some very close friends and acquaintances on these forums.

Pray for me and send me rays of healing and love. That alone will suffice and will help. I am trying to walk the path of universal love, godwide, after a brief sojourn into the pits of darkness, due to prior extreme negative mentations. I can only come out in one piece with the help of collective prayers and positive thought-forms, including probably visualizations from brothers and sisters of the spiritual path, like you. I wish to walk the path of the authentic self, filled with universal unconditional love. However, I need to first be able to turn that on myself before I can in any meaningful fashion radiate that love outside, for the benefit of others. If possible, please send your love and light everyday to me. That is the greatest gift you can give me. I first need to set right my relationship with my dear long-suffering mother, who has suffered terrible psychological pain at my hands. She is even afraid often that I will end up hurting her physically through violence, and I feel deeply sad for that. I am not that beautiful, my brother, at least in normal earthly parlance, though we all know that all are beautiful in final analysis, due to the Law of One. My first priority is to make my mother feel loved, special and wonderful. I will have to do some restitution while we still share the earthly journey as mother and son.

Thank you for the book, my brother. I am sure going to read it! I think it came my way for a reason, just like the Ra material came my way when I was most ready for it. Much love to you, gv.

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My dear friend Confused, know this: the very fact that you acknowledge this undesirable aspect of yourself and have stated your ardent intention to quell it, overcome it, and transfigure this dark portion of yourself into light, is indicative that you are upon the right path. Know that these fears, worries, perceived errors and existential 'terrors' are staples of existence here. Undergoing these trials is what ultimately allows us to grow, and consider yourself one of the lucky few who hold the level of understanding you do to be able to take into consideration the notion and pursuit of evolving and progressing into a more loving and lightful version of yourself.

Know that nobody is judging you nor expecting you to be a saint other than yourself. If you err in your ways, they will only remain truly detrimental if you never learn from your mistakes or only dwell within them further with no desire to pick up the pieces and move forwards. Harness the true extent of your will and exert it, focus it into your vision of reaching a plateau of harmony and peace. I will pray for you, but ultimately it is you who may facilitate the change which you wish to see in the world.

In my discourses with you I have only ever sensed a soul whose gaze is fixated upon the transcendental pillar of light and love which the Creator upholds. For a moment, take into consideration all you have done in life, all your mistakes, your joys,your sorrows, your victories, your defeats, all your endeavors and pursuits you have undertaken up until this very point in time, and suspend them. Now, imagine that the thoughts you share on this forum, the words which have flowed from your being, these are representative of your true essence, of the most genuine and core desires of your soul. What you have spoken of here, this is your true self speaking. Regardless of what perceived darkness you have dwelt in or incited, what is important is that you are aware of these things and wish to 'repent'. Your words which I have read on this forum radiate nothing but light and love in my eyes.

I can relate to you more than you would think, my friend. I am not free of error either, and often times I too will undergo temporary lapses of reason and become 'sucked into' the illusion. I am not Mother Teresa, nor Ghandi, nor the Buddha or Christ, none of us are, but realize that as long as you keep your desire to achieve positive harmony at the forefront of your thoughts, you may one day reach a point where your disposition and actions and being may be considered as such. Take these experiences as searing catalyst and understand that had they not occurred you would not be in the place you are now as the person you are now nor would you have had incentive to grow and seek to ever evolve into the light.

You may believe you have become a 'storehouse of dark energies' and there is no escape from this, or that you are guilty of hypocrisy. Allow these egoic concepts to subside, and do not allow these negative musings consume you or put you down. You are well within the grace of our One Infinite Creator, and It is what has led you through the wilderness. It has always been there, and will lead you to the clearing, and will allow you to partake of the crystalline stream of purity. It is what has coerced you into those things which you feel have tainted you, and It will lead you to your cleansing.

Seek always in the light, my brother, as I know you truly do and always will. It is time to come to peace with yourself and shed this unnecessary baggage which will only stifle your growth if you do not come to integrate and accept it. As long as you keep the majesty of the One within your sights there is nothing which you cannot overcome. You have survived this long, and your passionate drive to seek the light is truly admirable. I have the utmost faith in you and sincerely wish that you will achieve only peace and harmony on all fronts, my friend.

May you be blessed in all moments of your existence and may the light, love, power and peace of our One Infinite Creator underline your very being as it always has and always will. Know that if you ever need to get something off your chest or simply need an ear to listen you are always free to PM me! I find much enjoyment in helping out another however I may, and certainly enjoy offering any assistance to a dear brother such as you.