Your words felt calming Danu, thank you for sharing your story 
Yes it will work itself out one way or the other
and it will be fair and just to all in the bigger picture.
I am just terrified of the growing which is to come. I think it good, but I fear it the most. Its like I am standing on a cliff, having wings to fly, know they work but afraid to make the jump "what if?"; "maybe I am wrong"; "remember all the pain you have felt before!"; "don't risk it!"..
I may know all this intellectually, yet I understand it not. This feels true and yet I don't understand it.. Walking toward the uncertain the unseen or unknown is so painful, I do not want to feel pain anymore. What I see as pain is actually love which I am blocking thus the pain. I feel this to be true, then knowing this, why do I still feel pain? Why don't the words I write, make this all right? Why can't I seemingly help myself withe the words I write!? Laugh or cry I choose
Something in me smiles and knows it all, calming me when I feel lost. It makes me smile
with it and its always calm 
I quess I need to trust more.
Yes it will work itself out one way or the other
and it will be fair and just to all in the bigger picture. I am just terrified of the growing which is to come. I think it good, but I fear it the most. Its like I am standing on a cliff, having wings to fly, know they work but afraid to make the jump "what if?"; "maybe I am wrong"; "remember all the pain you have felt before!"; "don't risk it!"..
I may know all this intellectually, yet I understand it not. This feels true and yet I don't understand it.. Walking toward the uncertain the unseen or unknown is so painful, I do not want to feel pain anymore. What I see as pain is actually love which I am blocking thus the pain. I feel this to be true, then knowing this, why do I still feel pain? Why don't the words I write, make this all right? Why can't I seemingly help myself withe the words I write!? Laugh or cry I choose
Something in me smiles and knows it all, calming me when I feel lost. It makes me smile
with it and its always calm I quess I need to trust more.