09-06-2017, 12:09 PM
I forgot to mention something which is very important in that regard also...
if you are a narcissist and therefore one of the "good guys" and everyone else is bad and to blame, it ensues that they are the agressor and you the poor victim.
(Why do I get a picture of Obama blabbing about "russian agression" now, haha... )
So in that example of my brother cutting off contact with our family, they had to rationalize it of course.
They wrote nasty letters to my parents accusing them of all kinds of stuff and wrongdoing and explaining that therefore they had to cut contact.
My parents were at a loss to comprehend it - I mean some of the stuff they accused was simply ridiculous, for example blaming my mum that my brother did not know how to iron!
because of course sister in law could not be bothered with ironing his shirts. I mean she does not work either, they have no children (thank god) and he helps with the household so I sometimes wondered what it was that she actually does during the day but now I realize of course - she is keeping up the facade! and that in itself is a full time job.
So no wonder it was such a problem for her that he did not know how to iron shirts.
For those of you who read the few posts I made you already know I have an issue with guilt. So naturally them viewing us as horrible people made me feel guilty. They can be quite persuasive and well, they believe their own bullshit so I actually thought maybe they are right and I apologized. (because after all I had made some critical remarks about my sister in law some time ago )
Only to be answered that my apology was not genuine and getting a portion of the narcisstic rage.
You see where that leads?
They cannot in any way allow to let someone exit the bogeyman role. If you don't apologize you are bad for not apologizing. If you do apologize well it is not genuine anyways. It is a catch 22.
The only thing that helps me now is that I recognized their pattern, I know their behavior and what to expect of them... and I know it is not me.
It is them.
if you are a narcissist and therefore one of the "good guys" and everyone else is bad and to blame, it ensues that they are the agressor and you the poor victim.
(Why do I get a picture of Obama blabbing about "russian agression" now, haha... )
So in that example of my brother cutting off contact with our family, they had to rationalize it of course.
They wrote nasty letters to my parents accusing them of all kinds of stuff and wrongdoing and explaining that therefore they had to cut contact.
My parents were at a loss to comprehend it - I mean some of the stuff they accused was simply ridiculous, for example blaming my mum that my brother did not know how to iron!
because of course sister in law could not be bothered with ironing his shirts. I mean she does not work either, they have no children (thank god) and he helps with the household so I sometimes wondered what it was that she actually does during the day but now I realize of course - she is keeping up the facade! and that in itself is a full time job.
So no wonder it was such a problem for her that he did not know how to iron shirts.
For those of you who read the few posts I made you already know I have an issue with guilt. So naturally them viewing us as horrible people made me feel guilty. They can be quite persuasive and well, they believe their own bullshit so I actually thought maybe they are right and I apologized. (because after all I had made some critical remarks about my sister in law some time ago )
Only to be answered that my apology was not genuine and getting a portion of the narcisstic rage.
You see where that leads?
They cannot in any way allow to let someone exit the bogeyman role. If you don't apologize you are bad for not apologizing. If you do apologize well it is not genuine anyways. It is a catch 22.
The only thing that helps me now is that I recognized their pattern, I know their behavior and what to expect of them... and I know it is not me.
It is them.