12-15-2021, 03:02 PM
(This post was last modified: 12-15-2021, 09:35 PM by Spiritualchaos.)
Greetings Steppingfeet,
To begin with, thank you so much for taking the time to read my story. Not only did you take the time to really absorb it, I feel like for the first time in a very long time (if ever) I felt I was completely understood and seen clearly by an other-self outside of my family. Along with them, you offered me further insights I had not considered into this whole experience that were thoughtful and came from the heart. To me this was motivation in a grand way to show that I am not alone, I won’t always be misunderstood, and maybe some day I can help people see things from a more positive and loving perspective. One step at a time.
I really loved the way you worded everything, you have a gift for language that most have not taken the time to develop. Thank you. It really touched my heart to hear such love and understanding come from what this illusion would call a stranger.
Since writing this post, my life has continued to unravel itself in an amusing way. It’s interesting to see how obvious the catalysts have become now that I am aware. In the past when I didn’t understand, I would ask myself, “Why is this happening to me?” And now it feels like there is a neon sign with an arrow pointing at every catalyst that comes up going, “This is something to learn, pay attention.” For an example, the house we are living in sold and we have to move the end of January. We do not really want to stay in the city where we are at because we have dreams for a different life that a smaller town would be better suited for. And without much effort, we found a rental here through some pushing of family and my partners bosses, but it is not what we want at all. We know that their reasons for helping us are loving, but they also have a personal motivation of not losing an employee or having a family member live farther away from you. And on top of being able to see, understand, and accept peoples motivations, I can see the things I am supposed to learn from the situation quite clearly. Right now, the lesson here is realizing what I need and loving myself enough to fight for it, for myself, and my family. The old me would have thought I didn’t deserve the things I wanted in my heart. My true self knows we all deserve happiness, peace and love because we are made of peace and love. Everyone else is scared, urging us to take the place so we aren’t without a place to be. And I feel calm, thinking our ideal situation for maximum spiritual growth as a family is out there, we just need to stay open in our hearts, be patient, and have faith the universe will provide as it has always done for us.
I don’t want to make decisions based out of fear anymore. And even though awareness has made that easy for me, I can feel my ego fighting me hard on this. I feel stillness, and peace inside, and then I feel the physical effects of anxiety and I’m curious as to what triggered that sensation. I turned that voice down in my head so low it barely is audible anymore, and I never listen to it when I can hear it. But it’s still affecting my body in a way that is confusing. I found out some information that made the thought of moving far less stressful, and the rest of the day I just wanted to sleep. Basically it feels like my ego still has control over my body but not my mind. It’s definitely feels like a puzzle someone spilled in the dark that I am slowly finding all the pieces for. The more light I find inside myself, the easier it will be to put it all together.
Thank you for this description. It has been difficult because I know I am different, I know I have accomplished so much; the way I approach everything has changed. But it’s still very hard for others to see that in me because they have not figured out how to see it in themselves. I have always tried to show people they were filled with beauty and love through my connections to them, and I hope one day they can see it in themselves too. I have had a lot free time in my life where I have been on my own, in small rooms, or in isolated environments with nothing but time to think, contemplate, and essentially meditate on subjects. I now know I designed my life that way so I would not be distracted to much by the illusion around me. What once filled me with sadness now seems like a gift.
Being the person I was, I attracted a lot of troubled friends into my group, for I had a strong need to help them, and pick them up when they were down. I always found it strange because throughout the years I have had friends who were a lot more depressed than I felt I was, even at my lowest. I had friends who would stop taking care of themselves entirely for months at a time. I would have a day or two where I was relatively immobile, but then I’d have a shower, make myself some food, tidy up my space and would start to feel better. I started doing it subconsciously because I knew it would help, and now I make a conscious effort to do those things when my body requires it. Other-selves were always a huge motivation. I could easily let things slide for my own sake but had no desire to make people suffer at my expense. It always got me going when I felt like I had no energy left to go anywhere.
This was a perfect description for what I have with my partner. We needed to be together. No matter what would happen between us, we always kept trying. We knew we needed to, even when my ego was hurt and trying to run away from it all, a voice would say, “You know you are exactly where you need to be right?” So I would fight on. We still have the occasional day where we don’t understand each other, but it’s amazing to see how quickly we can remedy that before anything even remotely escalates. It’s given us a closer bond than ever. We started out raw and have slowly healed ourselves with each other’s love and support.
Yes. This was so healing for me because I could not understand what purpose I could have in the world that felt cruel, unfair, and selfish. I was kind, sensitive, and thoughtful. I was weird. There was no place for me before. I felt angry at myself for being weak, I thought I needed to toughen up and force myself into that box everyone wants me to be in, no matter how uncomfortable it felt. And that put a wall around my heart, feeling like exposing it to anyone would surely tear it to pieces. The Law of One put a perspective on it that made sense to all of me, there was no doubt, it was like seeing everything as it was. I was unplugged from the Matrix and found peace in the world I now saw.
Oh how do I understand this, more than ever. I have been piecing together things that I thought were irrelevant to the story that are now glaringly obvious that they always mattered. And the more I learn, experience, and continue to grow, the more easily I can see it. I have found a new excitement in my day-to-day activities, I look forward to learning stuff from challenges. I appreciate everything for what it is, and am excited to live moment to moment and gain more from every experience, every interaction, every chance for growth. For once I don’t fear the future, I welcome it for all of it’s opportunities.
Thank you once again for your kind words, you have helped further inspired me to keep sharing my experiences. Thank you for your support.
To begin with, thank you so much for taking the time to read my story. Not only did you take the time to really absorb it, I feel like for the first time in a very long time (if ever) I felt I was completely understood and seen clearly by an other-self outside of my family. Along with them, you offered me further insights I had not considered into this whole experience that were thoughtful and came from the heart. To me this was motivation in a grand way to show that I am not alone, I won’t always be misunderstood, and maybe some day I can help people see things from a more positive and loving perspective. One step at a time.
I really loved the way you worded everything, you have a gift for language that most have not taken the time to develop. Thank you. It really touched my heart to hear such love and understanding come from what this illusion would call a stranger.
Since writing this post, my life has continued to unravel itself in an amusing way. It’s interesting to see how obvious the catalysts have become now that I am aware. In the past when I didn’t understand, I would ask myself, “Why is this happening to me?” And now it feels like there is a neon sign with an arrow pointing at every catalyst that comes up going, “This is something to learn, pay attention.” For an example, the house we are living in sold and we have to move the end of January. We do not really want to stay in the city where we are at because we have dreams for a different life that a smaller town would be better suited for. And without much effort, we found a rental here through some pushing of family and my partners bosses, but it is not what we want at all. We know that their reasons for helping us are loving, but they also have a personal motivation of not losing an employee or having a family member live farther away from you. And on top of being able to see, understand, and accept peoples motivations, I can see the things I am supposed to learn from the situation quite clearly. Right now, the lesson here is realizing what I need and loving myself enough to fight for it, for myself, and my family. The old me would have thought I didn’t deserve the things I wanted in my heart. My true self knows we all deserve happiness, peace and love because we are made of peace and love. Everyone else is scared, urging us to take the place so we aren’t without a place to be. And I feel calm, thinking our ideal situation for maximum spiritual growth as a family is out there, we just need to stay open in our hearts, be patient, and have faith the universe will provide as it has always done for us.
I don’t want to make decisions based out of fear anymore. And even though awareness has made that easy for me, I can feel my ego fighting me hard on this. I feel stillness, and peace inside, and then I feel the physical effects of anxiety and I’m curious as to what triggered that sensation. I turned that voice down in my head so low it barely is audible anymore, and I never listen to it when I can hear it. But it’s still affecting my body in a way that is confusing. I found out some information that made the thought of moving far less stressful, and the rest of the day I just wanted to sleep. Basically it feels like my ego still has control over my body but not my mind. It’s definitely feels like a puzzle someone spilled in the dark that I am slowly finding all the pieces for. The more light I find inside myself, the easier it will be to put it all together.
Steppingfeet Wrote:
Beautiful and insightful opening lines. It is funny that in the less-than-conscious chapters of our journey, life may seem to fall in random fashion, a swirl of memory and experience of disparate pieces of data unified only in that they happened to you; but as the self is understood, pattern and meaning become increasingly visible, and the sense of randomness in the journey decreases. Given the scope and depth of your telling, from young age to present, I can see someone finding their way not by outer accomplishment, per se, but by gaining inner understanding, synthesizing the threads of seeming chaos into emergence of self-authored meaning and pattern, though confusion as ever persists in our veiled condition.
Thank you for this description. It has been difficult because I know I am different, I know I have accomplished so much; the way I approach everything has changed. But it’s still very hard for others to see that in me because they have not figured out how to see it in themselves. I have always tried to show people they were filled with beauty and love through my connections to them, and I hope one day they can see it in themselves too. I have had a lot free time in my life where I have been on my own, in small rooms, or in isolated environments with nothing but time to think, contemplate, and essentially meditate on subjects. I now know I designed my life that way so I would not be distracted to much by the illusion around me. What once filled me with sadness now seems like a gift.
Steppingfeet Wrote:It is admirable that even in the midst of the self-destructive impulse, which you earnestly attempted to put into motion, there was still a "desire to get up and keep trying no matter how bad things were, no matter how isolated I felt or how I didn’t feel at home anywhere. I knew I couldn’t give up. I didn’t now why, I just knew I couldn’t. So I kept going."
Being the person I was, I attracted a lot of troubled friends into my group, for I had a strong need to help them, and pick them up when they were down. I always found it strange because throughout the years I have had friends who were a lot more depressed than I felt I was, even at my lowest. I had friends who would stop taking care of themselves entirely for months at a time. I would have a day or two where I was relatively immobile, but then I’d have a shower, make myself some food, tidy up my space and would start to feel better. I started doing it subconsciously because I knew it would help, and now I make a conscious effort to do those things when my body requires it. Other-selves were always a huge motivation. I could easily let things slide for my own sake but had no desire to make people suffer at my expense. It always got me going when I felt like I had no energy left to go anywhere.
Steppingfeet Wrote:Including that "Everything about being together was hard." It is funny that two who want to be together need to be together are magnetized to be together, bring all their imperfections and impurities to light through the friction of that magnetism. My wife and I have known our fights too, and our hard months, but like you indicate about being a little changed on the other side, they do have a way of mirroring and revealing something that would benefit from self-work within each of us, which typically revolves around learning how to open the heart. In our tenth year now, it is a liberating gift to feel one's own heart more authentically, less guardedly, more sweetly as you love this other-self ever and ever more deeply.[font=UICTFontTextStyleBody].[/font]
This was a perfect description for what I have with my partner. We needed to be together. No matter what would happen between us, we always kept trying. We knew we needed to, even when my ego was hurt and trying to run away from it all, a voice would say, “You know you are exactly where you need to be right?” So I would fight on. We still have the occasional day where we don’t understand each other, but it’s amazing to see how quickly we can remedy that before anything even remotely escalates. It’s given us a closer bond than ever. We started out raw and have slowly healed ourselves with each other’s love and support.
Steppingfeet Wrote:
In my experience, limited though it is, this is one of the primary powers of awakening to one's potential soul's origins, particularly with the aid of the philosophy of the Law of One. It can help bring meaning and order where before there was none. Security. Understanding. Explanation. I make sense. I have purpose. I am not broken.
Yes. This was so healing for me because I could not understand what purpose I could have in the world that felt cruel, unfair, and selfish. I was kind, sensitive, and thoughtful. I was weird. There was no place for me before. I felt angry at myself for being weak, I thought I needed to toughen up and force myself into that box everyone wants me to be in, no matter how uncomfortable it felt. And that put a wall around my heart, feeling like exposing it to anyone would surely tear it to pieces. The Law of One put a perspective on it that made sense to all of me, there was no doubt, it was like seeing everything as it was. I was unplugged from the Matrix and found peace in the world I now saw.
Steppingfeet Wrote:
Thus highlighting one of the functions, I think, of the life that programs for suffering: gaining empathy for suffering, growing the fire to serve others in their suffering, learning how to help others through their suffering. Not to say that those qualities were lacking in you early on, because your story is threaded with pain for the suffering of others, but I do believe that we train ourselves in certain ways to be able to meet certain calls..
Oh how do I understand this, more than ever. I have been piecing together things that I thought were irrelevant to the story that are now glaringly obvious that they always mattered. And the more I learn, experience, and continue to grow, the more easily I can see it. I have found a new excitement in my day-to-day activities, I look forward to learning stuff from challenges. I appreciate everything for what it is, and am excited to live moment to moment and gain more from every experience, every interaction, every chance for growth. For once I don’t fear the future, I welcome it for all of it’s opportunities.
Thank you once again for your kind words, you have helped further inspired me to keep sharing my experiences. Thank you for your support.