Roommate's lady friend staying over too much

[GreatSpirit]

Now before you say "you're just jealous", you are clearly wrong.


I'm going to handle this situation in a professional manner but it will be awkward. So my roommate has this "lady friend" that is constantly here. Going on the third week now, what was just around 4 days a week of him living here, has now turned into 5 nights a week of loud conversations and loud sex sounds. This is bothering me because first of all, its rude to just have company here all the time and sleeping over. It's inconsiderate and they are now over extending their welcome. It's now time to have a talk with him.

Listen, I understand he is happy now that he's getting laid and all, but damn dude I shouldn't have to deal with him having his company over almost every night, no matter what gender they are. I definitely shouldn't have to be listening to his conversations, especially when they're about me, and sex sounds almost every night from his room in the attic. Roommate even told me the other night "----- is on her period so you won't be hearing us tonight." I'm like wtf man?! seriously??!

I don't hate this girl at all, nor him. But she is using my water, my electricity, my toilet, my couch, my shower, and my space that only 2 of us pay money for and that I ALONE CLEAN. The roommate does no cleaning at all. They just leave all their crap laying around the living room floor and its uncomfortable to me just even walking past them if I have to go downstairs for something or leave the house. All they do is sit on my couch, drink beer, talk loud, and then screw loud.

Basically, our living situation has been this. I'm very largely confined upstairs to my room...aka my man cave. I'm a room oriented person, all my stuff I need is there except a fridge. He on the hand believes a bedroom is only for sleeping and having sex. 98% of the time when he is here, he is sitting on my couch in the living room, watching TV with my antenna and drinking his beer. He has claimed the living room for himself, and that's fine. I'm only in the living room when I'm playing my Nintendo 64, and that's 99% of the time when he's not there.

I understand he pays rent and utilities, puts up with me, and is entitled to have company over, but basically what I am going to tell him tomorrow is "look, ----- has been staying over here quite a bit and I feel its too much. 3 nights a week is fine and reasonable, but anymore than that it feels like she is a 3rd roommate and she will have to start paying 1/3 for rent and 1/3 for utilities. If she chooses to stay here more than 3 nights a week, then tell her welcome aboard as a roommate and I'll expect rent and utilities by the end of the week. If not, I'm going to have to ask her to leave."

I have a feeling he is going to respond with, "I don't see what the problem is and you're never downstairs anyway. So WTF?". Too bad buddy. Poor baby the roommate can't have company and have sex whenever he wants. Too bad. It's called living with roommates and having consideration. Go over her house then. If he refuses to comply with these rules, then on any extended day she is here, I'm going to have to tell her to leave the premises. But please by all means, become a third roommate to lower all our bills!


I know damn well that if it was me and my ex staying here 5 nights a week, hanging out in the living room with him, he would definitely say something to me about it. Double standards.

It's just not cool. But personally, I feel this girl is just a fudge buddy of his, so things will naturally work itself out in a little bit and it will be all over.

I also told the roommate that I'm moving out at the end of the lease in January.

[Jade]

Maybe you will luck out and maybe his girlfriend will move in and can take over your portion of the lease, and you can find your own place/a new roommate. Sounds like a major personality clash and way too much stress, especially if you'd be fine in one room (studio apartment).

[Matt1]

I think you have balanced compassion and wisdom here. You are offering her as a third room mate because of the weight she will have on expenditure, makes sense. Good call.

[Glow]

If he balks at it just point out if she were just a guy friend staying over 5 nights a week it would be obvious he should pay as a third room mate.

[Alex Zachary]

Dude, I know what's the problem. You have to buy a Playstation 4

[GreatSpirit]

Well we had the talk after she left this morning, and he agreed to 3 times a week maximum. I was very calm and cool about it. That's reasonable for having a "lady friend" over when I have to deal with their conversations and sex life. However, he certainly wasn't happy about it, which I was expecting. I could tell by his body language and the way he responded with "....yeah". Too bad. So sad. Get your own place then, which is exactly what I'm doing after the lease.

And I made sure I asked "well does she have a place"? He said yes but that she has a 17 year old son living there. I'm like "so whats the problem then?" So basically, its an inconvenience to be at her place because of her son with no roommates, but it's totally fine to be here 5x a week to screw without even asking me if it's cool to have company over that much. Totally inconsiderate and now he's going to follow these rules.

I also asked him as a personal favor if we can have some peace and quiet tonight and Monday so I won't have to deal with this nonsense as much. So he agreed and I thanked him.

[Glow]

Hmmm I'm now more concerned  a mother is leaving her 17 year old unsupervised 5 nights a week.
Lots of trouble to get into at that age with an empty house to yourself.

[Aion]

...a 17 year old doesn't need to be supervised...............

Ah roommates, hit or miss.

[Glow]

Aion to that I will say I grew up in a house where my mother lived in a city an hour away and my father also. It was me and my two siblings at home from the time I was 16. They were older than me. If you think a 17 year old is done being guided, protected, comforted, or educated you might be to close to that age yet.

So much can influence a person even an adult, most 17 year olds do not have the life experience to counter all the programming happening in highschool, on Facebook, or in life in general. I did fine dispite what happened to me, but I know of a few suicides or attempted suicides of teens and I think being there to guide your kid, being available to spot trouble, or if they need you is kind of a parents job. Even being there sometimes you cannot help, but better if you tried.

I say that as two months ago a friends 18 year old step son commit suicide, and one of my 17 year old clients has tried three times in the last year. Life is hard, even harder when you are young.

[Aion]

I don't disagree about guidance and positive influence, but that's different from "supervision" in my mind which is more like "never leaving them alone" or babysitting. By what you are saying, it sounds like your parents were never particularly close and involved, or perhaps just in your later years.

That being said, my oldest brother and I both moved out when we were 17 (actually I moved out a couple months before my birthday) and our younger brother moved out when he was 16, so maybe my family is just a little weird. That being said, guidance, protection, learning, yes we always needed those things, but certainly not to be "supervised".

However, you are no longer addressing "17 year olds in general" but you are specifically referring to troubled teens. There are lots of teens who do not have those same struggles (well, every teen has struggles, obviously, but not necessarily of that severity). I agree in the sense of support, but I don't think every 17 year old ever is a suicide risk.

I understand where you're coming from, but my comment was general but you seem to be talking about something more specific.

[Glow]

Perhaps supervision was not the right word. Still at this point where Hollywood is the teacher of the masses I almost think it's more important than in days past to be around to catch kids if they start to fall. It can happen to any of us and not just people under 18.

Heck last week a friend texted me to meet for a hug. An adult nearly 40, has been doing life on his own for a long time but we all get over whelmed and need a bit of love and reassurance these days.
He is not a wimp or unworldly but he needed a hug then he was good.

I meet a lot of young people in the teen young adult phase due to my work, not troubled teens but from all walks except I guess poverty. From what I've seen more than the little kids the older teens young adults need someone they know is there. Moral support, an ear to bounce things off of. To untwist their mind from everything they see on Facebook, and Hollywood.

Hollywood isn't teaching self exceptance, self respect, compassion, or doling out love.

Glad you and your brothers did well. I had a heck of a struggle, having had someone show they care to be there for me, would have been greatly appreciated.

[Aion]

Well, to be fair, we each went through a pretty severe suicidal phase and it has by no means been all sunshine and rainbows. We are lucky that even not being around our parents they always offered support. The challenge was honestly less that they were willing and more that we were young, independent and wanted to make our own way. For my younger brother, he actually moved out early because he was conflicting with our Mom because of how much she cared.

That being said, having a support system is super important whether or not it's parents, it could be friends or a social worker or anybody. So yeah, while by my initial comment I certainly don't think anyone over 16 needs babysitting, by all means I was not condoning total negligence aha

[I AM RALPH]

Obviously the only sane thing to do would be to invite the 17 year old over. This way the rm and his lf could use the other location for privacy and you could get some potentially preferable company in the living room by someone who may enjoy some gaming. Super mario bros 64 has been known to work wonders.

[Glow]

Obviously the only sane thing to do would be to invite the 17 year old over. This way the rm and his lf could use the other location for privacy and you could get some potentially preferable company in the living room by someone who may enjoy some gaming. Super mario bros 64 has been known to work wonders.

You are a genius!!

[Night Owl]

When you've got something to settle with someone, nothing like super smash bros or mario kart or mario tennis or mario striker to fix this!

[BlatzAdict]

man sounds like you need a new roommate.

out of consideration and compassion for you the experiencer of this situation.