Spazzing out..need insight..HELP!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

sorry about that

[ada]

It all depends on how much attached you are to your current reality/identity. You are everything but only this.

[APeacefulWarrior]

Well... It's hard to say too much with certainty from your story, unless you want to go into a lot more detail about who claimed you were evil and what they were basing this on. However, I will say that self-acceptance is a major component of the positive path. The more that you fear being "evil" (or whatever term you prefer) the more likely it is that you'll become what you fear. BE the person you desire to be.

[anagogy]

Was this experience a lie? 

First off, whoever told you were evil and that your heart was dark and that it repelled people was dead wrong. UNLESS you chose to *believe* them, in which case, those things could very well appear to play out in your experience. But that doesn't make them permanent parts of you.

You don't have to give your power away by placing your powerful faith in these limiting beliefs.

If you'll notice, the experiences that coalesce in your life merely reflect your dominant emotions. When you seem to be lost, alone, and unlucky it is because you FELT that way prior to those things coalescing as real world experiences. You are NOT at the mercy of outward events. You are a powerful extension of the creator.

You have to change the feelings if you want to change the experiences. Create a new reality, a new experience, a new ground for life and being. You have to imagine how it would feel to be the way you want to be, to have the experiences you want to have, and then entrain to that feeling. To the degree that belief diverges from desire, you will feel BAD. By reaching for better feelings, you can gradually change beliefs. It is the backdoor to manifestation. All beliefs start out as thoughts, which are just focuses of consciousness -- focuses of attention. Don't force it, just gently try to generate the feeling and hold it. After enough attention is poured into anything, it inevitably becomes more vivid, becomes more real. You start to believe it.

It won't happen instantaneously, but if you sincerely reach for a better feeling place every day, reach for a visceral sense of "relief", your life has to gradually change to a better one. All is well to the extent that you believe it, and I know it is easier said than done, but the path is still the same.  

[Jade]

Hey Rumpelstiltskin,

I am so sorry you went through such trauma!! I have gone through similar things so I think that maybe I can help.

As this instance was huge catalyst for you, it is obvious that the two of you had a "soul connection" - whether or not a twin flame is real, Ra never mentions (as in the concept of one soul split and incarnating as two entities?) - but Ra does mention something about Don and Carla, that: "These two entities have been as one for a timeless period and have manifested this in your space/time."

What it sounds like to me is that you had a past life karma to work out - for instance, it's possible that you rejected this other person in a previous life, so you were set up to experience the same pain/guilt/remorse - manifesting your state of being one in this space/time, so to speak.

My other piece of advice is... if you truly had the best of intentions, and someone still deems you as "evil" - well, Ra has something to say about this, too:

Ra: It is also to be noted that an adept is one which has freed itself more and more from the constraints of the thoughts, opinions, and bonds of other-selves. Whether this is done for service to others or service to self, it is a necessary part of the awakening of the adept. This freedom is seen by those not free as what you would call evil or black. The magic is recognized; the nature is often not.

Most of my blood relatives categorize me as "evil". even though I have been nothing but selfless and giving towards all of them my whole life. The fact that I have been able to stand up for myself and not be taken advantage of, has made me a terrible person in their view.

The beginning of the previous quote is this. It has to do with the Matrix of the Spirit, which is the Devil card.

80.10 Questioner: Now, the fifteenth archetype, which is the Matrix of the Spirit, has been called the Devil. Can you tell me why that is so?

Ra: I am Ra. We do not wish to be facile in such a central query, but we may note that the nature of the spirit is so infinitely subtle that the fructifying influence of light upon the great darkness of the spirit is very often not as apparent as the darkness itself. The progress chosen by many adepts becomes a confused path as each adept attempts to use the Catalyst of the Spirit. Few there are which are successful in grasping the light of the sun. By far, the majority of adepts remain groping in the moonlight and, as we have said, this light can deceive as well as uncover hidden mystery. Therefore, the melody, shall we say, of this matrix often seems to be of a negative and evil, as you would call it, nature.

Those who aren't used to activating the movements of the spirit, or "using magic", see those who are and deem them "of the darkness". It's why really repressed religious sects label things like Harry Potter as satanic - oh no!! He's using MAGIC!!! That's evil!! Well... as one becomes more aware in third density, they realize that changes of consciousness and energy exchanges ("magic") fall across the whole spectrum of polarity. You trusted yourself, your guidance, your instinct, out of love, and well... someone else had a problem with that. It's going to happen. These are big crises of faith are test for our ability to carry and sustain a wave of consciousness that is "higher". Things are going to knock us off of our rail, that's why we're in third density. Ra says the path is "strait and narrow" - just like a rail. The lesson we're learning is taking less and less time to recover, spending more time in the "high vibrations" than the lower ones. This requires careful balance, and practice. And lots and lots of compassion for the self.

[Manjushri]

Sounds like a profound and trippy experience. Now that you are back in this reality why are you still scared and "spazzing" ??

If something in a vision or event told me I am evil and not of the light, it would be clear that it was a negative force whether internal or external causing such a thing to happen.

Say some protection prayers and meditate on happy stuff.

[Glow]

Hi all, (Disclaimer:  This reads like a stream of consciousness..I was also highly emotional when I wrote it. ..please be gentle...actually, don't be gentle--pound some sense into me!)

I'm not a regular poster here, but I am going through a little bit of a crisis and need a little support or a wack on the head.  Over this past year, my life got a huge shake up--like a second awakening.  I have always followed the Law of One and considered it as the standard in which to live and perceive life by. but...last year..around the time I first posted here, I was shown something else. Something I wasn't looking for or desiring and certainly not expecting! It confused me because I really didn't find much about it in the Ra Material and I couldn't find any others in this particular community that experienced this.  (maybe I didn't look hard enough, I don't know.)  I'll just say that it had to do with the concept of Twin Flames.  I hate the term; I despise the fluffy, lovey dovey spacey sound it makes when I mention it.  but..I know what I experienced, I don't have another word to describe it, apologies. And it involved someone I have never even met in person. I had no choice but to follow concepts that were alien to me..because I had no explanation for it, no guidelines.  NOTHING.  If I thought I felt alienated before...this shot me into a different plane of experience, unto myself, so to speak. Being alone with this was, in a word, horrific. A roller coaster of dark nights and bliss, feeling unconditional love for a stranger, feeling merges in a dance of electric and magnetic bursts throughout the year.  Being guided to move 1700 miles away--something I thought I was being guided to do. Something I thought would affect a change in me to be of great service. Money was falling from the sky to support this. I felt a shift in myself, a clarity of who I really was!  but then..oh my god--AND THEN...I was told that I was pure evil...a monster...I was not of the light and that I created this deception straight out of my own ass. Oh and the reason why I  struggled my whole life with bad luck was because my own energy caused it. And the reason I can't connect with people is because my pure dark hearted nature inflicts people with fear and extreme loathing so they don't give me a chance. !!  I. Cannot. ..NO..I just can't get a grip after hearing this...It sounds silly, I'm sure, but I don't have..anyone to pull me out of this mess. Was this experience a lie?  what in the heck happened!? I don't think for one instance that I'm evil (what a silly, religious concept)--how stupid! That's not how this works. I know better, but I can't help but feel completely rejected as a soul by this...I mean the concept of who I am or who I thought I was completely collapsed and I feel this horrible sensation of emptiness..this abyss of doubt and worry like I've never felt before. SO it is..I feel I can't trust myself or my own intuition...IS there anyone out there?  Can anyone..assist me with this tangled mess?  I have cookies...or would you prefer a sandwich; cold cuts, PB&J with the crusts cut? ... :-/

Thanks in all regards.

I can relate somewhat. I met a soul connection and went on that crazy ride.
Beautiful but tormented and hard to understand or break free of from this 3d awareness.
I'm sorry you too experienced that. My reprieves come when I look from a 5d or 6d awareness.
Meditate not on the transient details. Go above.

As to the evil thing... I'm just so curious who would have told you such a thing.
We are all one, so our soul contains both the most beautiful giving purity as well as the darkness. Sometimes that darkness is needed to bring light so no judgement. Think 6d
I wouldn't worry to much about what anyone human or spirit said in judgment.

If it was a vision and not a reading from another self that told you this just remember we are all being challenged right now. New energies are stimulating us to look at ALL parts of ourselves and find balance. Either way know you are not alone.
I'm sorry you have felt so alone

[Rumpelstiltskin]

sorry about that

[Jade]

Lots of love, Rumpel. I have a question for you: Why have you let this "healer" have so much power over you? And as a third person opinion... he didn't even tell you this himself.

I sort of go by the rule that, if I didn't witness an event first hand, that it doesn't get weight in my reality as a "true" event. I'll always try to be aware of "other events", but things like what one person said about me to another, in a negative light, I can't let seep into my reality. Again, if I did - my family would have sucked my dry by now. I had to stop beating myself and feeling at the mercy of others' wills and whims - and especially let go of any outsider's opinion of my life, my being, or my decisions. I certainly know that I do my best at all times, and agonize over how to do better than my best - and to anyone who has destructive feedback, I just try to take the opportunity to regroup and send them love and light. And send myself love and light too!!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

sorry about that

[Jade]

I'm going to be honest here. Just because this man offers readings to others and refused you doesn't mean there's something wrong with you - in fact, it's more likely the "problem" lies on the other end. Of course, all is one, so this in turn becomes your problem since you reached out and connected this person. And here we are.

In truth, what I believe happens in these cases, if we have created ourselves to be good mirrors for others (many of us in service have) - others look at us and see their own flaws reflected back to them. In reality, this man is probably struggling with his own feelings of "evilness" and "darkness" - I mean, if this is what is being reflected towards him, this is what his world is created of. Your lesson here is learning to not let the "darkness" of others' realities seep into your own. This will come with practice as you socialize with others more. It's why Ra teaches that the mind comes first and then the body - you can be perfectly balanced within the mind complex, but it's really interacting with others in third density manifestation that "tests" our abilities. And the tests are MEANT to throw us off balance, so that we can learn to more efficiently rebalance.

Now what? Don't let this stop you from reaching out to others, asking for help, and taking what they say to heart. Continue through your shyness. Continue to try to integrate your unique and light-filled being with the rest of reality, and you will find those who will aid you with kindness and not rejection. Of course, this involves you accepting and not rejecting parts of yourself - the real work!!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Wow, Jade. Thank you!

[Jade]

[Reaper]

I've had this experience- meeting a stranger and feeling an instantaneous, intense connection (they felt it as well). It upended my entire life for a period of a few months, before I decided I wasn't going to drop my family, my mate, my home and everything I had worked for to chase what had become an illogical obsession. In time the feeling simply faded, like getting a drug out of my system, and once it was gone it never came back. It was unfortunately not so easy for the other party; they continued to pursue their feelings for me to the point I had to cease communication with them. Overall I think it was an uncomfortable experience for everyone involved.

I don't really believe in "twin flames", at least not in the context it's usually used in. I think it's far more likely the simple subconscious remembrance of a previous relationship with a person from some other life. As intense as it feels, it can happen many times within a lifetime, and is a precious gift if it can be seen for what it is.

Regardless, you're not evil for having these feelings. It's possible there's parts of the situation you're not seeing clearly, or there could be a genuine connection there, but none of those things make you anything more than a human being who has emotions. My advice would be to try to view it from outside of the emotional context and see if there's anything the strong feelings may have caused you to overlook.