I am in hell

[Coordinate_Apotheosis]

Hope is an idea of the mind.  You seem to be as I was, lost inside your ideas in your mind.

The danger here is that those ideas of reality actually create your perceptions of reality.

I would bet money (and I'm not a gambler) that your guides have not laughed once at seeing their friend and lover they've devoted themselves to guiding and helping on such grotesque misery that their very presence is perceived by you as taunting.

I swear for them, they are not laughing.  They are working severely hard to keep you from hurting yourself, doing anything rash, and are doing all they can to deflect catalyst from you, if even temporarily to give you breathing space.  But they can't stop what you came here to experience, that being accelerated catalyst.

The sideways faces, are you aware of the optical illusion of two sideways faces next to each other forming one face?
Are you sure these thoughts you have aren't deep metaphors to some attempt to help you perceive unity in duality and thus separation? Are the faces truly laughing and looking sideways, or are they half of the picture?  Is that invisible half the positive side crying?

What really is Sjel?  Don't answer that, don't think about it.  In fact as a person who walked through hell, I highly recommend you not think about it beyond accepting that it is. In Hell, your defenses are your greatest weaknesses.  That beautiful mind you have, its made to be twisted in hell, where thoughts grind you up and emotions squeeze you dry.

Meditate towards silence of mind, stillness of emotion.  Don't grasp on to thoughts, be as a rock and don't roll with them.  Don't get stuck in emotion, be as a tree with wind, let it blow through and over you.

Every thought has a beginning, present, and end.  Emotions follow this pattern.  Hell takes this pattern and makes a feedback loop of beginning>present>beginning>present until you're lost in a whirlwind and cacophony of your own thoughts and emotions.

You're not wrong in them but they may not be right for you.

Sjel, won't you just talk to us?  What is it in life that has brought you to this moment in hell?  How did you get here?   And is it too late to turn back and retrace your steps to a better fork in the road to make a better option?

Hell is a roadblock.  You try to walk through it but you get lost in the darkness and it takes extended effort to find your way out.  Like a nightmare that won't end until you've finish the story it has to tell.

You don't need to finish that story, you can put it down and take with you what you've already experienced.  You You don't need to experience hell if you don't want to.

But if you do...I will help you as greatly as I possibly can to help you move through its story it has to share with you as quickly as possible.

Hell doesn't intend to murder, it intends to teach through the most brutal methods a soul can handle without just dissipating into dissolution to escape it all.

You're not alone Sjel.  There are wanderers exploring the hellish sides of humanity too.

We need each other...

[earth_spirit]

-----

[earth_spirit]

-----

[sjel]

can't find the effort to reply to specific portions of the replies, but your posts spoek to me c_a and earth spirit.

i did not consider the two-faced illusion idea coordinate, good one.

also about the guides who are crying with me not laughing at me. that is a noticeable weight lifted off my shoulders.

HOW do you speak with knowledge about the guides' ctivities? (deflecting catalyst etc.)

what is this halway hope, halfway hope seems worse than no hope, it is the middle ground i fear the most

earth spirit you affected me. i know that feeling of laughing with sympathy. i would rather feel pain all the time instead of middle ground nothingness, soul-leeching banality. every time i exit the pain returning to grey nothing i long for the pain immediately.

to no one in particular: my eyes have changed color in the last few days what does this mean. they were dark blue now they have very light blue tinge. like distant and detached color

[Aion]

The whole of the universe is in support of you folded by the number of voices here that speak in concern for we are all the universe.

If I may ask your permission to perform an astral healing/empowerment upon your aura to channel the Source to you, would you be willing to let me do that?

[sjel]

The whole of the universe is in support of you folded by the number of voices here that speak in concern for we are all the universe.

If I may ask your permission to perform an astral healing/empowerment upon your aura to channel the Source to you, would you be willing to let me do that?

yes wholeheartedly yes. i just had a sensation of my inner pain body seizing up and releasing emotion through my eyes

how do i accept the energy. also what do you mean "folded by" the number of voices?

[Aion]

The whole of the universe is in support of you folded by the number of voices here that speak in concern for we are all the universe.

If I may ask your permission to perform an astral healing/empowerment upon your aura to channel the Source to you, would you be willing to let me do that?

yes wholeheartedly yes. i just had a sensation of my inner pain body seizing up and releasing emotion through my eyes

Well as the old idea goes, 'let it flow', I will offer you all that I am able to help reconnect you with Source and the deep self within that is untouched by pain. As the pain body releases its charge, and I will help it release from you, we will grow that deeper self until the inner body is no longer backed up with pain and emotions. With your permission I would also like to sever any negative or draining cords which may have attached themselves to your aura, if that is permissible to you?

To accept you merely need to give your express permission for the connection to open and I can work within your free will. By folded I mean multiplied exponentially.

[sjel]

Well as the old idea goes, 'let it flow', I will offer you all that I am able to help reconnect you with Source and the deep self within that is untouched by pain. As the pain body releases its charge, and I will help it release from you, we will grow that deeper self until the inner body is no longer backed up with pain and emotions. With your permission I would also like to sever any negative or draining cords which may have attached themselves to your aura, if that is permissible to you?

To accept you merely need to give your express permission for the connection to open and I can work within your free will. By folded I mean multiplied exponentially.

Yes it is permissible, I accept expressly. To what extent does my unbelief and my feeling of not deserving healing impede the energy. Also you should maybe know that suddenly for the first time today I am quite wide eyed and sense frantic clawing energy inside me, now i feel weak and back to dead energy. thunder just rumbled a ways away, hasnt been thunder here for months, .maybe there is some sort of correlation

[Aion]

Well as the old idea goes, 'let it flow', I will offer you all that I am able to help reconnect you with Source and the deep self within that is untouched by pain. As the pain body releases its charge, and I will help it release from you, we will grow that deeper self until the inner body is no longer backed up with pain and emotions. With your permission I would also like to sever any negative or draining cords which may have attached themselves to your aura, if that is permissible to you?

To accept you merely need to give your express permission for the connection to open and I can work within your free will. By folded I mean multiplied exponentially.

Yes it is permissible, I accept expressly. To what extent does my unbelief and my feeling of not deserving healing impede the energy. Also you should maybe know that suddenly for the first time today I am quite wide eyed and sense frantic clawing energy inside me, now i feel weak and back to dead energy. thunder just rumbled a ways away, hasnt been thunder here for months, .maybe there is some sort of correlation

Emotion can make many things move, I have seen plenty of storms come and go with emotional releases. For maximum effectiveness of course faith in the healing is all the better. Moreso the intention of the full completion of the release and the willingness to let go of the emotion. The healing is a byproduct of the movement. Commit yourself to the movement of this pain and it will be released. The Earth and I will help to take it from you, with the Source guiding and flowing and we will let it be moved in to a space where it can be healed and returned to its natural state, at which point it will return to you as a renewed state of self.

Know that your pain body is also your body of bliss and shall be so once the darkness has been lifted unto light.

[Minyatur]

I don't know if that helps with faith, hopefully, but I had Aion work on my field on one occasion and he is definitely able to do the work. Would've been hard for me to deny the on-going process.

[sjel]

Emotion can make many things move, I have seen plenty of storms come and go with emotional releases. For maximum effectiveness of course faith in the healing is all the better. Moreso the intention of the full completion of the release and the willingness to let go of the emotion. The healing is a byproduct of the movement. Commit yourself to the movement of this pain and it will be released. The Earth and I will help to take it from you, with the Source guiding and flowing and we will let it be moved in to a space where it can be healed and returned to its natural state, at which point it will return to you as a renewed state of self.

Know that your pain body is also your body of bliss and shall be so once the darkness has been lifted unto light.

okay seeking to consciously open myself. thunder is intensifying and coming closer, which is helping to increase my faith, because there hasn't been thunder in a long while. i will stand barefoot on the grass outside

[Aion]

Emotion can make many things move, I have seen plenty of storms come and go with emotional releases. For maximum effectiveness of course faith in the healing is all the better. Moreso the intention of the full completion of the release and the willingness to let go of the emotion. The healing is a byproduct of the movement. Commit yourself to the movement of this pain and it will be released. The Earth and I will help to take it from you, with the Source guiding and flowing and we will let it be moved in to a space where it can be healed and returned to its natural state, at which point it will return to you as a renewed state of self.

Know that your pain body is also your body of bliss and shall be so once the darkness has been lifted unto light.

okay seeking to consciously open myself. thunder is intensifying and coming closer, which is helping to increase my faith, because there hasn't been thunder in a long while. i will stand barefoot on the grass outside

See a continuous connection between yourself, the Earth and the Universe itself. The Heart is One with All. We are with you. We are One.

[earth_spirit]

-----

[Aion]

[earth_spirit]

-----

[sjel]

hailing hard suddenly, lightning continuous and close, our yard lights flashing on and off slowly, i stand outside in hail spread arms hear "open up!"

[Aion]

hailing hard suddenly, lightning continuous and close, our yard lights flashing on and off slowly, i stand outside in hail spread arms hear "open up!"

Let there be light!

[isis]

your screams gave me goosebumps

[Minyatur]

I should also say that.. Your screams were magnificent, though I did not initially realize their greatness in my own sorrow upon hearing them.

When they started I had the reflex of wanting to turn the volume down and then thought "No you listen to it whole with the sound loud" and retracted my hand. Can't be sure anymore but might've turned it up even.

They were most definitely alive. I thought the piano was great too, chaotic yet skillful, and that the entire thing quite powerful.

[Aion]

Let your Music be heard, loud and clear, my friend. All of it, the majors and the minors. Let your soul sing!

[Aion]

[smc]

Have you ever screamed

F#CK OFF!! GET THE F#CK AWAY FROM ME!!

at your father?


I feel forces through your Father (and family structure) have been trying to 'kill' you for a LONG TIME

you once sent me a photo of your face so I could send you Reiki over distance and I saw you are a

'Massive, Pure, Lost, ANGEL'

I described on another thread (?) wanting to put my head through a window in front of my parents to show them the extent of their emotional violence to me

how you're feeling I have lived through sometimes for years at a stretch - as have many others here - hold on

HOLD ON

keep reaching out

we LOVE you

I think it could be time for you to scream at your father

you have internalised all the hate, suppression, judgement sent your way

you need to get it OUT of you


but you need to do it safely


wanting to kill myself was how I felt - because I refused to kill my parents and I couldn't leave home and get away from them


what other people are writing here is all incredibly helpful

stay connected with us


YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS SJEL

[Coordinate_Apotheosis]

can't find the effort to reply to specific portions of the replies, but your posts spoek to me c_a and earth spirit.

i did not consider the two-faced illusion idea coordinate, good one.

also about the guides who are crying with me not laughing at me. that is a noticeable weight lifted off my shoulders.

HOW do you speak with knowledge about the guides' ctivities? (deflecting catalyst etc.)

what is this halway hope, halfway hope seems worse than no hope, it is the middle ground i fear the most

earth spirit you affected me. i know that feeling of laughing with sympathy. i would rather feel pain all the time instead of middle ground nothingness, soul-leeching banality. every time i exit the pain returning to grey nothing i long for the pain immediately.

to no one in particular:  my eyes have changed color in the last few days what does this mean. they were dark blue now they have very light blue  tinge. like distant and detached color

The merkaba star inside a cage of 3D held by a wise yet solemn Higher Self.  Your light is its guide?

Speaking of guides.  I just feel...and have felt for a while...Their interactions with my life.

I made a thread of an attempt I once made to communicate with Guides on a tangible level that wasn't purely thought or channeling based.

I had a very very close suicide attempt that I feel was deflected by a guide through myself by their actions upon me.  I attribute my car accident where I avoided killing someone and/or myself as a deflection of manifesting death or murder.  The few actions I took in those splitseconds make me feel like someone else was there pushing me towards safety through my own actions.

How do I speak of guide behavior?  I feel the effects mine have had on me.  I imagine they aren't too dissimilar from your experiences since we are in many more ways than not, the same.

That applies to guides as well, they work so hard to get by our defenses.  They are tireless in their pursuits at times.  In many ways we fear a negative entity's greetings, we are letting paranoia blind us to what is actually almost all of the time (unless you practice magic) a positive greeting from a spirit guide or another overseeing entity like Quo or Ra or someone else.

Guides are thanked so seldom.  We should thank them more often.  Thanksgiving of Guides should help them guide you more easily, opens you up to them.

I believe there is a way to tangibly communicate with a guide or guides through a self made faith based system, sort of akin to programming yourself to be more easily directed by spiritual guides, to more easily follow their flow of energies.

I also back in 2014 while duly and daily attempting to Live the Law of One discovered that one day I could see, like 'See' like Neo waking up after Smith shot him to suddenly see with new eyes the reality around him.

I mostly saw catalyst clear as day.  Like a glow around something almost like a spiritual video game HUD was opened up to my eyes.  I noted how catalyst would sometimes 'of its own accord' manage to avoid me, but deep down I felt like there was a repulsion effect akin to my guides offering to that catalyst a realization that there was another more desirable way to go, indirectly influencing a deflection of catalyst away from me without actually forcing anything.

Often times when a guide is neutralized from being of aid ro you by your self, they'll just send a constant ray of green or of bright radiant light to soften you up to more easily interact with you their usual ways.

Hope isn't the same as faith.  If you look for Love In The Moment consistently you'll eventually find subjective-objective proof of its presence, but no physical evidence to show another...  The sad truth is that it is there to be found and known only by these seeking it, and even then, it needs specific things done to remain present.

It's pretty much a game of learning the right things to do and think and say and be to receive the rewards of discovering that which you sought all along (to know yourself as Creator. To rediscover yourself as Creator.  To manifest your soul personality through your human ego).

Though the rewards are palpable.  Bliss, joy, wellbeing, health, better guidance, a sense that all is and will forever be well.

But to get there and learn, we need an appreciation for the depth of darkness we penetrate to bring light towards.  Through the illusions we create for ourselves to experience to better know ourselves.  Such as Hell, and Hope, and Heaven, and Doom.

Just Be and Enjoy.  The Only Thing Wrong Is Wrong Itself.

Appreciate the experience and it won't be so sour and bitter and cruel and unusual in time.

But right now, it is okay to scream and cry and hate.  Just don't become like that permanently.

[sjel]

im back to just confused, but i have a wide awake feeling throughout. my feet are numb. there was a blue patch of sky where the storm separated, right above my house, leading in a trail of blue sky separated clouds line right to the spot where i first felt Ra energy and realized that i was staring at Venus. now there are no blue patches of sky, and the thunder has stopped but the lightning continues. i urinated in a large circle on the lawn for some reason haha. im pretty weird feeling

[sjel]

Thanks coordinate. i feel like crying but i can't now, although i did intermittently today. i feel like the pent up energy inside is softened, but still pent up. i have so little faith. i chanted "open up, my paain." in a totem voice while stomping my feet, it felt right. i felt my throat closed up and swollen. now i feel back to confused and weird, because here has this very strange event occurred and is occurring, while also my mom is calling saying spaghetti is ready. luckily she loves me when im weird and distant.

so strange and confused and slipping between thinking this is normal and thinking this is weird and thinking im making all this up and thinking im crazy.

[earth_spirit]

-----

[Aion]

Give it time, my friend.

[sjel]

i was playing piano after the storm stopped and i realized that i was feeling a lot of gratitude for all of you and all of your love, so i pressed record and consciously sought to express thanks to you through my simple playing.

gratitude ditty:

http://vocaroo.com/i/s0SXHtloh1Ec

thank you all

[Aion]

Makes me think of piano music from Final Fantasy, which is awesome. I use a lot of similar chords when I'm playing guitar actually. Very nice. Thank you as well for sharing your sorrow and your experience with us. We can all enrich our hearts through compassion.

[Night Owl]

If you weren't so far away I would ask you to play keyboards in my band