I'm so depressed

[AnthroHeart]

I don't think any of the "energy" I have felt is really what it seems.
It could just be a side effect of my high blood pressure.
I'm not taking medication for it though.
The "captivation" that I have felt might just be psychosomatic.
It seems when I try to help people energetically, it does nothing.
One time I did send Reiki energy to a woman's dog, and she said that he stopped whining after that.
That was years ago.
I almost wish that I could start my life over.
I wouldn't have hurt the kids when I was a child.
I wouldn't have done drugs.
I wouldn't have schizophrenia.
I wouldn't have blown my $70k of my 401k.
I wouldn't have ended up in $20k in credit card debt.
I would be working a normal job, not being too sick in the head to work.
I wouldn't be attracting people who don't care for me.

I just want enough of energy to help with the physical pains of my body of growing old.
I'm 41, but I feel like I'm 80. And I'm sad, so sad.

The love I felt before wasn't genuine, because it did not last.
Oh, if I could only start over.
Though I probably wouldn't find the Ra material.
But at least that would have saved me a lot of heartache.
I waste money and energy.
I know nobody's perfect.

But I'm like a kid who doesn't grow up.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

I know the feeling man. I've considered suicide just to rei carnate and hit the reset button. Although if I did that, I'd reincarnate with the same challenges. But at least I wouldn't remember the friendship breakup and at least I wouldn't remember all these mistakes I've made in my life. But then, I'd probably just make new mistakes. Fact is, we have the challenges we have for a reason. Apparently our souls thought we were ready for the challenge and our higher selves did too. I try to forgive myself for my mistakes, but I'm having a hard time of it. So I feel ya. Maybe study some tips on saving money and learn how to live more frugally and you can make the money you're getting work for you? I dunno. And I dunno how to do stuff energetically either. In fact, I'm even having issues with baaic things like... I pray to my higher self before I go to bed for healing dreams. You know, dreams that help me heal emotionally and spiritually. And yet I dont think I get such dreams just normal ones usually. At least I think they're normal. So I get hiw you can feel frustrated and disappointed because it feels like your best efforts aren't working right? I feel the same way sometimes. If you need someone to talk to about your problems, I'm here for you man.

[ada]

All feelings are essentially energy, there is infinite energy available to all in every moment, and every emotion is a form or distortion of love, thus love is in all emotion. Try and find love in your experience, whatever it may be, nurture the child that is hurt within you.

[Glow]

I don't think any of the "energy" I have felt is really what it seems.
It could just be a side effect of my high blood pressure.
I'm not taking medication for it though.
The "captivation" that I have felt might just be psychosomatic.
It seems when I try to help people energetically, it does nothing.
One time I did send Reiki energy to a woman's dog, and she said that he stopped whining after that.
That was years ago.
I almost wish that I could start my life over.
I wouldn't have hurt the kids when I was a child.
I wouldn't have done drugs.
I wouldn't have schizophrenia.
I wouldn't have blown my $70k of my 401k.
I wouldn't have ended up in $20k in credit card debt.
I would be working a normal job, not being too sick in the head to work.
I wouldn't be attracting people who don't care for me.

I just want enough of energy to help with the physical pains of my body of growing old.
I'm 41, but I feel like I'm 80. And I'm sad, so sad.

The love I felt before wasn't genuine, because it did not last.
Oh, if I could only start over.
Though I probably wouldn't find the Ra material.
But at least that would have saved me a lot of heartache.
I waste money and energy.
I know nobody's perfect.

But I'm like a kid who doesn't grow up.

Guess what. You are at the mid life point. I think we all go through this a bit.
We teeter off on the negative thoughts of how life went, what we would have preferred, and while some thoughts are true we tend to also throw the baby out with the bath water. It wasn't all in your head the love, and plus side you are only half way through so you really have enough time now to do what you can to bring your path closer to what you want.

Pain wise is it physical actual issues or more due to being sedentary? Motion is lotion so even a bit of gentle exercise can slowly reduce the pain in the body. As muscles build they support joints, and connective tissue, endorphins are also released. Healthier diet reduces body inflammation. Also being a bit more grounded in the body helps the mental state for sure.

Not everything can be changed but is it possible just going through the motions of physically living a healthier life for your vehicle/body could help some with your other issues?

I am sorry you are feeling so low. If it helps any I too am like a kid that doesn't grow up. I work but my mind isn't in sink with the word. All I see is beings I love and do not want to compete with financially or otherwise. I do not understand the worlds mine vs yours... I think you are a bit like me in that way. More predisposed toward unity and find this world pretty tricky with the beings who don't act very loving. (((hug))

[Cainite]

I too may be too passionate about somethings that mostly aren't (like fiction), or I may not take myself seriously enough like other adults do.. or I may not care about respect and image, ... as much.
Just because other adults on the planet are not like this usually... doesn't mean I'm a child.

Also almost anyone who has some understanding how chakras and healing works can heal.. even the lower rays reduce pain when directed towards the area that's hurt. so you don't need to be a master healer to take someone's pain away with reiki..
Usually beings mostly need to see that someone cares.. so just the act of touching their body to give CHI will inspire them for some healing to take place. u don't need to be a master magician to comfort a cat for some minutes when it's waiting for the rain to end somewhere.. u know. little things like that are what the path is all about.. (comforting kitties )

[smiLie]

I don't think any of the "energy" I have felt is really what it seems.
It could just be a side effect of my high blood pressure.
I'm not taking medication for it though.

I wouldn't have done drugs, schizophrenia.
I wouldn't have blown my $70k of my 401k.
I wouldn't have ended up in $20k in credit card debt.
I would be working a normal job, not being too sick in the head to work.

I just want enough of energy to help with the physical pains of my body of growing old.
I'm 41, but I feel like I'm 80. And I'm sad, so sad.

Though I probably wouldn't find the Ra material.

I waste money and energy.

But I'm like a kid who doesn't grow up.

Wolf, be strong. Be a strong wolf.

41 is nothing, think how it'll feel like when you are 42.  

Jokes aside , I made myself a cup with Ra symbol and this:
(if you can't see, it says "it took me X years to look this good", put 43 in there ,  you'll have 2 years to match your message):
https://www.zazzle.com/funny_birthday_ga...0928263395

Now. Blood pressure. Can I ask you man-to-man, are you fat? Are you eating junk, sugar and salt?

Eliminate: junk food, anything that's only white flour and has sugar/corn syrup. All ketchup and sauces - trash.
Be very careful with salt, salt is what balances blood pressure. Your food may be too salty or has too little natural salt (green leaves) that you have to use addictive poison. Medication only makes it worse. I know a few 70+ people who have felt into this trap, but you are young.

Drugs and schitzophrenia. Do you do drugs now? No? Then forgetabboutit. When you start normal foods , your body will eliminate what's left as toxins.

Everybody is schitzophrenic a bit, one way or another. Feel better? Are you stuck in the hospital, or no?

>> The love I felt before wasn't genuine, because it did not last.

The love and light of the Infinite Creator is much better, isn't it? No human love lasts long, no more than a decade, very rare.

Dude , midlife crisis. Get your blood pressure into norm and go get some ass. You'll be much better off.

[smiLie]

If anyone wants my custom design of the "RA" cup, you are welcome to ask. It is also very easy to do yourself.

You start with "create your own two image mug".
https://www.zazzle.com/create_your_own_t...9527053310

I have Eye of the Horus on one side,
https://duckduckgo.com/?q=eye+of+horus&t...&ia=images

Then you get Sun with 12 rays image, I have yellow, and put in the middle of it word "RA":
https://www.google.com/search?q=sun+with...h&tbs=rimg

Now, the trick is what do you do with it.

You can use it as your own personal energy concentration device. Water and any non-alcoholic drinks can be energized for you specifically.
You'd have to charge it yourself, it's very easy.

Just hold the cup with two hands, as your higher self if it's ok. Then tell to the cup, "This is my Ra energy cup".

That's it. You can test it with whatever tools you can, it will work for you and you only.

Enjoy.

[AnthroHeart]

Whenever I have worked with Ra energy in the past, it drove me insane.
So I don't resonate well with Ra.
Though I do respect them.
I got a strong message from them to stop working with them.

[smiLie]

ok,

You were a bad wolf?

It may be that you separate with that Ra from this website. Which is, as I understand a 6-th density group.

But there are many other entities, including many above Ra. And also there's Infinite Creator, or the One, "who resonates with everybody", because he's everywhere.

You don't have to put Ra on the cup. Put something else. Or you can even power the cup with words that don't have "RA" in them, use "Love" or "Creator" or "One" or whatever you think works best for you. It is going to be your own cup that will resonate best with you because you energized it.

You can even use existing cup, by the way, still works well.

That instruction, by the way, not my gift to give. It was passed to me by someone who's way, WAY more advanced than me. I am passing it along, as it was ok-ed.

[AnthroHeart]

The thing is I feel so separate right now. I can't even imagine what it's like to be One.
Well I do trust the Universe.
But it feels like this energy is crushing me. It's always pressing in on me and I can't get away from it.

I've done bad things, but I can't imagine that I offended Ra in some way,
though I used to think that I pissed them off.

I asked Ra on YouTube if they were really there, and the response was a song that terrified me.
Basically it was songs about me being a waste of space and "Do you call my name?" by a group named Ra.
I was hypersensitive emotionally so everything I saw I took at face value.

But I think I can do better. It won't always be like this. I know there's people that like me,
even if I can't feel it.

These teachings of Ra like Octaves really affected me. I thought I was skipping Octaves,
and there was an Octave that was all Light and no Love and that it just kept getting hotter and hotter and I
would be trapped there.

Or that I would be harvested negative, with no polarity power behind me, so I would be stuck in 4D negative forever
at the lowest level.

I am glad I don't experience the terror I did before I was on medication though.

Honestly I don't know if Ra cares if I work with them. Maybe I drove myself insane.

I always thought that negative entities were posing as positive and faking love so I'd be tricked.

I don't know what to think. I am so confused. Ra put a lot of dangerous teachings in my head.

And yes, I have to work on my diet.

[Infinite Unity]

Hey man, I am sorry your so depressed. Keep strong. I think you should take a small hiatus, try living as a normal human being. Just do somw every day 3d human stuff
Stop contemplating spiritual wisdom/knowledge all the time, and do your best to stop worrying about outlandish things happening to you. Really try and get comfortable in your own skin, and who you are. Try and find a nice 3d hobby to enjoy. This Will help balance out your energy and balance you.

I think you spend way to much time trying to work with energy centers and things of this order far to much. Get to moving your body, I would bet that your way to sedentary. Start out slow, find something that has physical aspects that you really enjoy.

In my small opinion, you need to get out of your own head, and enjoy participate in the 3d world more.

[AnthroHeart]

Yeah, I'll take a break from doing energy work.
I hadn't been doing any energy centers/chakras stuff lately anyway.

Right now I've got to take care of my teeth. I'm going in on Thursday for some dental work.

They're having me do a flouride rinse, which is said to calcify the pineal gland.
I guess I don't care. I'd rather have good teeth than a healthy pineal.

[smiLie]

On teeth, read this thread, Metaphysical basis of teeth.

And I accidentally ran into your post about that food stuff, protein shakes or something? Forgot the link.
I pulled their ingredients, they are 15 lines long.
Please, for the love of yourself, don't buy anything that has more than 3 lines of ingredients. This is a junk chemistry cocktail that you don't need.
Bacteria in your gut will produce everything you need, take care of it (probiotics).

>> I don't know what to think. I am so confused. Ra put a lot of dangerous teachings in my head.

I left this for last. I think you are very confused too. Relax, do 3D stuff, get off Ra material, get off any fantasies / metaphysical stuff and just live in 3D world for a year. For a change. It feels like you need your head cleared, then you'll be back on track.

And why not get yourself that "It took me 43 years to look this good" motivational mug. Something great to look forward to.

[smiLie]

All feelings are essentially energy, there is infinite energy available to all in every moment, and every emotion is a form or distortion of love, thus love is in all emotion. Try and find love in your experience, whatever it may be, nurture the child that is hurt within you.

What blossom said, with a twist.

Love is in all emotions.

You experience anger and feeling lost and confused.

Why are you angered? At yourself or at other people? Could you do better when you made choices you've made? Not very likely, you know NOW that you could , but what about THEN?

You are angry because you take your current situation too seriously. Let it go. It's a game. There's no failure , if you fail you'll get to replay, that's all. What is happening to you is a catalyst, you need to understand what is it that the world is trying to tell you  , and not fight it.
Accept it and change yourself. That's why you are here.

It doesn't matter that you think you are 20 years late. Majority will never wake up, you did. Embrace it. Love it.
Love every minute of the challenge that the world is throwing at you , as these are catalysts for your change. It is sent in Love and with Love, to teach you, with purpose for you to learn and get better.

And if you are angry and act as a child, you do not understand what the world is trying to tell you.

Take anything that's coming as catalyst and as a teacher, not as enemy. Teach yourself to accept it and bend yourself around most obstacles. Then you will slowly learn to love every minute of it.

--
I am still at the very beginning of this path myself, often not very humble.

[Agua]

removed

[ada]

How are you Indigo?

[AnthroHeart]

How are you Indigo?

I just got home from shopping.

Doing better.

Trying to stay away from spiritual stuff for the time being.

[ada]

I just got home from shopping.

What did you buy?  

[AnthroHeart]

I just got home from shopping.

What did you buy?  

Groceries. And took my mom on some errands.
She got some tiles she wants to put artwork on.

[smiLie]

Wolf, you need to get a Friend, buddy.

[AnthroHeart]

Wolf, you need to get a Friend,  buddy.

Yeah, I'm looking. I found some online ones I've started to chat with. But looking for some locals.

[Cyan]

Me too, I miss my relatives like crazy, havent seen them in a while.

[Tae]

Or you can even power the cup with words that don't have "RA" in them, use "Love" or "Creator" or "One" or whatever you think works best for you. It is going to be your own cup that will resonate best with you because you energized it.

You can even use existing cup, by the way, still works well.

That instruction, by the way, not my gift to give. It was passed to me by someone who's way, WAY more advanced than me. I am passing it along, as it was ok-ed.

I have a two post-it notes on my water bottle, stacked so you can't read what's on the one underneath, which has a statement on it to the effect of, "I am creatively energized. I forgive myself for being in the process of learning. Life is easy and abundant and I always have enough to share with people who are in need." I don't know exactly what it says. It's not important exactly the words, just the general sentiment being phrased in a positive, current tense and the intent shared with your drinking water. I drink everything from my water bottle, so everything I drink comes through this intent. It's wild to me that motivational cups aren't more of a thing, knowing the power this has.

I did the water freezing test (no pictures to back up the veracity of my claim, sorry) when it was below -40 here, and the tap water froze normally and the water from my bottle froze into a heart. However, bringing the lids with the ice crystals I froze inside, they melted off extremely fast. I didn't try repeating it (I didn't want to open the door! BRRR!) so perhaps it was coincidence, but I like to imagine my water is indeed charged with a little more love because of my note to self. No need to get a custom cup to try it either, since I'm just using elastic bands to hold the notes on my bottle. It's just about exposing the water and the loving intent to each other.

[RitaJC]

This video might help.

It starts with the suicidal ideas and that might not be your case at the moment, but the confusion, mis-identification, and felt powerlessness is the same. And the proposed way of handling them has literally saved lives including "mine".

Any questions?

[flofrog]

Hold on Wolfe, we love you here

[unity100]

Push forward, bit by bit.

https://walking-into-the-future.com/walk...-step-step

And, whatever bad happened, you will forget. Eventually.

https://walking-into-the-future.com/time...ill-forget

So much that at one point in time, they will feel like they were someone else's experiences.

[AnthroHeart]

Push forward, bit by bit.

https://walking-into-the-future.com/walk...-step-step

And, whatever bad happened, you will forget. Eventually.

https://walking-into-the-future.com/time...ill-forget

So much that at one point in time, they will feel like they were someone else's experiences.

Yes, and then we will die and this life will pass like a dream.
Then we'll be eager to come back for more.
I think I probably have at least another life here.
I still get angry too easily.