Some advice.

[aWanderer91]

Hi guys,

Much advice was given and it's appreciated,  a lot has been learned.

I've deleted the original post due to the self absorbed nature of it all, but sincerely thank you for your offerings.

[ada]

Hi there wanderer, life here is just so complicated and scary sometimes, I also have a history of night terrors, screaming and waking repeatedly. I don't know what you've been through, it must have been tough.. could you with a thought and a kind heart, visualize it all as if you held out your hand to an other-self who wanted to feel your light and love?
From the infinite vastness of the cosmos, out of infinite number of galaxies, stars and planets, you came here, now, to these co-creators. Isn't that a momentary gift of infinite love?

[Spiritualchaos]

Hi guys,
  
I don't like to do posts like these, as I realise it isn't about a positive topic. But I would like your opinion...

When I was younger, I use to suffer with severe night terrors. These are nightmares that happen while you're awake, you basically wake up when you're asleep, unaware that you're having a night terror and I would just run around screaming and crying with extreme terror, it's terror at the extreme level. They could last for anything between 20 minutes to 3 hours. It alarmed my mom and everyone around me massively, as it would anyone who stayed at our house and got to see them, and the next day I wouldn't even remember having one. When I had my awakening at 20 years old, I became aware that these night terrors was my reaction to the negative vibrations of the planet. I also realise as I get older that these could of been triggered by negative entities, as it would be classed as a weakness to play off and they could feed tremendously from these night terrors.

I was hyperactive when I was younger, I was placed on Valium at 6 years old which is ridiculous when you think about it. I was falling asleep all the time and they were turning me into a zombie, so my mom quickly took me off them. I just had this enormous energy coursing through me all the time, but I was clever and exceeded at everything I did, so it was hard for doctors and my family to judge things properly. Normally if a child was naughty it was because of learning difficulties and/or the inability to concentrate. My concentration was perfect and I was top of all my classes.

My older sibling is a service to self being. He has been hell bent my whole life on torturing me (physically and verbally), splitting up my relationships with others, slandering my name to others and jumping on any weakness he could find to cause havoc in my life. He was obsessed with me since I was a child, and it took many years into adulthood for my mom and the beings around me to notice how weirdly obsessed with me he was, although I had been calling this out since I was a child.

I weirdly became friends with a service to self being, who practiced the dark arts and so did his father. They also became obsessed with me and spent many years trying to keep me spiritually unconscious while they performed their black magic, I'm still in contact with the one I became friends with but I'm working at cutting off this relationship. He deliberately caused many energetic ties between us and these are not easy to break. It's taken a lot of discernment and will power to begin breaking these, but I'm close to finalizing things to a point where I'll be able to go my separate way and he won't be able to contact me again.

When I had my awakening at 20 years old, this part is creepy, but I realised I had negative implants put into my head. They looked like pegs, and I knew negative beings had put them there. Both extraterrestrial negatives and the service to self terrestrials had been working on me for a long time. These negative implants basically keep you locked in negative, and are designed to turn you negative in the long run. As creepy as these implants sound, I didn't care so much when I awakened, I was able to remove the implants with the power of awareness and I realised I was too positive to ever be turned negative.

When I awakened I knew so much and was having so many realisations, I thought it would last forever, only to later plunge into the dark night of the soul.

People are triggered against me really easily. I've had all of my close relationships tarnished throughout my lifetime, I've had my part to play in this and haven't always acted lovingly, but beings around me really don't like me getting close with anyone. They somehow have to find there way in and cause trouble.

When I had an awakening, one of the realisations I had was that I just wanted to be here to experience it, on earth that is. Just to look at it, drink coffee, smoke a cigarette occasionally, to see nature and look at the animals. It didn't feel like I was on some big divine mission, I just wanted to bloody be here lol.

Now I'm reaching my point (sorry to rant on, but to get the right advice I wanted to give a full picture of my life), I surely didn't choose all of this lol. I didn't make all these soul contracts with negative beings, I didn't agree to be attacked by them, I didn't ask all these beings before incarnating to try and wreck me and all my relationships, I didn't ask them to take away anyone I love and turn them against me. I didn't agree to have all this black magic performed on me etc etc etc.

I'm not perfect and I realise I have attracted all of this attention somehow, I've acted unloving at times, but through lots of contemplation I can only feel that most of all this has come from me being positive and a light bringer.

So, without taking on any negative energy or feeling like you have to do so, if you can put yourself in my shoes, how would you feel about this? And I would also love to hear some outside perspectives about how this all sounds or any advice you have for healing?

I feel like the next part of my life is going to require lots of healing, I just want to be on my own now, I can't cope with others anymore and it's quite liberating to know I have the choice to be on my own and I don't have to rely on others anymore. And ah I love the creator so much, I really do, but I have lost a lot of faith in him but it hasn't gone completely. I like to think he's watching over me, I do see him like a father and I talk to him all the time. But then theres parts of me that wonders why he let me get wrecked in this lifetime, I do feel fed to the savages a little bit.

Well I can say that I can relate to this deeply. Not only has this happened to my partner when he was younger (child-night terrors), it also happens to my 2-year old son. It started when he was very little, maybe 6 months old, he'd wake up crying. Normally when this happened, you could calm him down or console him. But this always felt different. He'd just cry and cry, and you couldn't get him to stop. It was like he was unaware that we were even there. We'd repeat his name, and nothing. It always took at least 2 hours to get him to calm down, to bring him back from wherever he was, whatever grip had a hold of him. I always believed it was negative entities, knowing who we all are, and causing us issues. My son is very sensitive, he is a Pisces like me, and has always been easily overstimulated, also like me. 

My son is also very "busy" as we like to say. He doesn't like to sit still for very long, he is always climbing the furniture, running around the house, and jumping off chairs. According to my partner's mother, he was also like this as a child. He suffered from night terrors too, even as a child his mom had an encounter with beings of blue light standing outside his bedroom door, although he believes that they were the ones protecting him from whatever was out to scare him. 

Regarding the service to self sibling, in this aspect I can relate greatly. My sister is a perpetual "victim" in her own eyes, and is really good at manipulating my parents into doing everything for her. She was never happy to have to share the spotlight with her little sister, who only wanted to love her. She eventually won, as spending time with my family became impossible after our relationship broke down, as she made it a huge dramatic occurrence whenever I was around, so I stopped coming around. 

Regarding the negative implants... this is not territory I have a lot of experience with, although my ex husband's current fiancé thinks she has an alien implant inside of her. But my partner... from my connection to our social memory complex, and his own dreams and intuition, we get the impression that he has wandered to a lot of negative planets, or ended up on one after the harvest turned that particular planet into 4th density negative planet. There is a lot of bleed-through from these experiences, and he gets the direct impression that negative entities both respect him and despise him. It causes a lot of anxiety I think, which makes it harder for him to let go of his vices (smoking, drinking coffee, etc). 

My partner also triggers me greatly. There is a hardness to his perspective that is so much different than my naïve, child-like innocence, that allows me to be easily fooled by people's intentions and walked all over by others. I can't see the negativity in others, but I can feel it if they are negatively polarized enough to alert those feelings. My partner frequently thinks there are bad intentions coming from my words and I am very confused by that, considering the only thoughts in my heart are usually how I could be more loving and service to others. He is a bit overwhelmed by the intensity at which I express myself and feel my feelings. Upon meeting each other, a dark night of the soul commenced, that just settled down for me recently (it's been over 6 years), while he has a lot more to figure out to get to the level of acceptance that I have of my true self and nature.

This line in particular: When I had an awakening, one of the realisations I had was that I just wanted to be here to experience it, on earth that is. Just to look at it, drink coffee, smoke a cigarette occasionally, to see nature and look at the animals. It didn't feel like I was on some big divine mission, I just wanted to bloody be here lol.

You sound almost identical to my partner. Seriously. I have heard him say this exact thing to me before. I should get him to join the boards, I imagine he could relate. He is a lot younger than me (he is 29, I am 41, even though I know age’s don’t truly matter, it does offer a generational perspective I might be missing) but I feel like he may be able to connect to you. He has an acceptance in himself, knowing these negative beings are connected to him, and is not bothered by it (besides the bleed-through that amplifies his vices). If anything, he finds their attempts to screw with us "amusing", while I think it's sad, and just want to send love in their direction. *shrug* I'm sure this is why we are together now, we have a lot to each other. 

If you need to talk further, you can for now message me, and I'll pass the message along to him. We share everything so I'm sure he'd have no issues with this. 

Love & Light to you dear wanderer. We are here for you.

[aWanderer91]

Thank you so much for your responses guys, they mean a lot.

Ada, I really love the simplicity and beauty of your message. I guess this is so, it's all I could put it down to, that I wanted to help and serve in this lifetime. When I awakened, I became aware that despite the hardships of my life, the frustration, the anger, the pain and the turmoil, that I had been helping all along. That even though I always didn't feel great and always felt positive, others could still feel my energy and I had been serving without even realising. Your message really hit the heart though, in a good way, so thank you for what you've said.

SpiritualChaos, it seems the negatives are well aware who we are and it's a little crazy to know that they start their "work" on us at such a young age. With night terrors etc, but it seems we also have the strength to go through this and in regards to your son, I did grow out of the night terrors which the doctor said I would. Really, I just became conscious when I was having one, so it seems awareness is the key here. It sounds like he has a great mom who is spiritually aware, so just your presence must aid him greatly.

It's weird that we chose to have a service to self sibling, I too let him have his day in the end and he also fought for my mom's attention etc. What these beings don't realise is that there is karma to their actions, if you're splitting up family members and depriving beings of the love from others they deserve (your family), there are repercussions to this. Whether they are conscious of being service to self or not, being service to self does not mean to just be outright nasty 24/7. It is a skillful path, and the service to self beings I have been around were not skillful, they were just nasty and unthoughtful, but they did cause a lot of damage in some ways.


It seems you and your partner have a very strong connection, and I think all relationships are designed to test us in some ways. I too struggle to see the negative intentions in others, but over the years the "armour of light" has served me so well. It is really a bias that a wanderer needs, and as long as the alarm bells are ringing for your eventually, at least you finally get to see another's true intentions and polarity, as opposed to being completely blind.

It would be great if your partner joined, the more wanderers connecting, the better it sounds like he has a lot of insight to share and could offer his perspective and slant on things. I share both of your views on negatives, I find it amusing in the sense that they are very obsessed with the positives. They are very deluded and the ones on earth I have met, were weak and unskilled...but I also think it's very sad that they can reign such terror for no reason and cause havoc to polarise.

I may just message you at some point, thank you so much for what you've shared with me, I really felt understood and it helped to relieve my heart a lot.

Much love and light to you too!

[Dtris]

Going to offer a different perspective here.

Night terrors are normal for children, as is sleep walking.

Siblings can be horrible to each other. Literally the oldest story on the planet.

Friends who do black magic? Lots of people say they do, maybe 1 out of 100 of those who claim to do black magic actually know what they are doing or have put in the effort to have real skill.

I say the above because you are responsible for placing the importance on those events, and the interpretation. You say you do not have soul contracts, or that you didn't agree or want all the negativity and negative attention. We create our own reality, and the experience you desire is what you will have. This is repeated often by Hatonn before the Ra contact. What is important to understand is that what is truly desired is very rarely what the conscious mind thinks it desires.

I would also urge you to go back and read over your OP and look at the language you use and themes, especially relating to the self and how it is presented and the relationship with other selves and how it is presented. If you keep an open mind you may find some insight into your own biases.

[aWanderer91]

Dtris, I wrote a big long reply but I realised I was being defensive, thank you is all I will say.

[ada]

The thing with true negativity, an actual service to self entity in this dense experience, I think that it is barely possible to be. So it is a small problem when labeling someone as service to self, they may indeed act and practice service to selfhood, but regardless are a neutral 3rd density being, or a confused wanderer, since earth is already 4th density positive. That is why I feel that in cosmic terms, you came to offer your energies and service to these entities, so that one day, along their path, they will change. I'm not saying that you are the one who must change them, or that it will even happen in this experience. But have faith that you did affect them in a positive way, even if they are unaware of it.

[aWanderer91]

Ada, I'm only sharing my perspective here, but remember we are in the density of choice. All beings here incarnated by seniority of vibration, to graduate to not just 4th density positive but also 4th density negative. We have a lot of beings here on the planet now that have done the work in other lifetimes, they came with hope of graduation to 4th density negative too.

I would like to make it clear that just because someone did something mean or selfish, I don't pick at it and be like "how service to self" etc lol. I'm also not going around labelling who is what polarity. Ultimately I'm not bothered lol.

The beings I'm talking about studied from books (service to self books which I found), they spoke to me about their chosen polarity, they asked me my thoughts on what I think about serving self. This was before I knew anything about the Law of One, I didn't even know the paths existed. It was later after reading the Law of One that I knew what it all meant. I'm really not as caught up in this narrative as it may come across, I'm really trying to get away from it and I wish it never happened.

I get now that I may of used harsh labels in my OP. It may of been narrow minded and self absorbed, I really don't know. I guess I just feel with this place that as long as I use a certain amount of discernment with the way I word things that I'm ok to say anything really.

But thank you ada, I would like to think I changed them and I did talk to them loads about many different things, but they don't change from what I've seen. They don't even accept the service to others path, let alone think about changing theirs. Our positivity sickens them, just like their ways sicken me lol.

[sillypumpkins]

I surely didn't choose all of this lol. I didn't make all these soul contracts with negative beings, I didn't agree to be attacked by them, I didn't ask all these beings before incarnating to try and wreck me and all my relationships, I didn't ask them to take away anyone I love and turn them against me. I didn't agree to have all this black magic performed on me etc etc etc.

Who is "I" in this context?

So, without taking on any negative energy or feeling like you have to do so, if you can put yourself in my shoes, how would you feel about this? And I would also love to hear some outside perspectives about how this all sounds or any advice you have for healing?

If I were in your shoes I would feel the exact same way you do? Maybe? :p from my own perspective, I can see that you perhaps did not consciously choose to have all these things happen to you. But consider that maybe you did choose these things.... just on another level.... and if that is true, then perhaps then you can begin to entertain the question of, "what does it mean?" ;D

I can relate to much of your post. From the night terrors to the overactivity to the way that you seem to look at your circumstances....... thanks for the post frend

[aWanderer91]

Hmm, ok, there is a lot of "I's" in there. I have nothing else to say at the moment, I'll definitely look into this.

I have tried to contemplate what it all means, and I could only bring it down to the fact that I must have a lot of bad karma. Then I wonder why I had an awakening, because it was so beautiful and when I realised I was the real me I was extremely positive, but yet there's all of this stuff that has happened to me. Then I think ok, maybe I'm not a wanderer and maybe I'm one of these beings that Ra talks about that when we finally get to choose our own lifetimes, we make the mistake of choosing too much catalyst and that's what I've done. Then I wonder why my higher self didn't give me a spiritual slap and say that's too much aha.

As you can see it's all very confusing, but you're right, I know I need to dive deeper in some way. I've tried meditating for long hours, I've read countless amounts of spiritual books, I've had healing from a crystal healer, these all helped a lot but I still don't get the meaning of everything.

I did finally let go with the thought that the answers will come when I'm ready, and that maybe the seeking and striving for answers is actually blocking me from getting them.

But you've definitely given me something to think about, thank you sillypumpkins.

[ada]

Regarding negative attacks and night terrors, does it still happen? And does it happen only while you are dreaming?

[sillypumpkins]

Also gonna echo Dtris' response as well!

[Sacred Fool]

Below is a snippet of a Q'uo session where they describe Carla correcting a channeling trainee who drifted into a "neutral area" which was untuned where the person was more susceptible to negative influence.  Of course, a person is more likely vulnerable to this when channeling because they are so open to subtle influences at that time.  But some of us are open that way all the time.  What this suggests to me is that a person who is open that way might profitably consider the option of attuning themselves to positive frequencies and cleansing themselves of the grubbier ones.  Otherwise, remaining in a neutral area exposes one to all the random garbage floating by.


Indeed, at one point within this session, the instrument through whom we speak at this time [Carla] was able to detect the gradual moving of the state of mind of the one known as D into that neutral area which is untuned and therefore far more easily sullied with negatively-oriented channeling.

[aWanderer91]

This was so helpful Sacred Fool, sincerely thank you for this.

After a couple of days of contemplation, I realise you've given me a lot of insight here.

[aWanderer91]

Sacred fool, is there a Q'uo channeling on what you described about being open all the time? And can I ask, what made you give this advice?

I found your response really clever, you really hit the nail on the head. It was borderline genius, of course this is a personal perspective, but you've really helped me here.

I'm like a sponge, and although my ego can be defensive, I'm a really sensitive soul. Super sensitive in fact. It's embedded in the spirit and I realised from your response that when I was younger and growing up, I worked really hard to stay positive and keep myself in the light. That's hard work in this density. I've grown up really self absorbed, distorted and egotistical. I want to change and from your response, it could be the catalyst that creates change for the rest of my life.

Thank you man, I mean it, it's like your response was direct from source.

[Dtris]

Hmm, ok, there is a lot of "I's" in there. I have nothing else to say at the moment, I'll definitely look into this.

I have tried to contemplate what it all means, and I could only bring it down to the fact that I must have a lot of bad karma. Then I wonder why I had an awakening, because it was so beautiful and when I realised I was the real me I was extremely positive, but yet there's all of this stuff that has happened to me. Then I think ok, maybe I'm not a wanderer and maybe I'm one of these beings that Ra talks about that when we finally get to choose our own lifetimes, we make the mistake of choosing too much catalyst and that's what I've done. Then I wonder why my higher self didn't give me a spiritual slap and say that's too much aha.

As you can see it's all very confusing, but you're right, I know I need to dive deeper in some way. I've tried meditating for long hours, I've read countless amounts of spiritual books, I've had healing from a crystal healer, these all helped a lot but I still don't get the meaning of everything.

I did finally let go with the thought that the answers will come when I'm ready, and that maybe the seeking and striving for answers is actually blocking me from getting them.

But you've definitely given me something to think about, thank you sillypumpkins.

The only thing I will add to this thread, is that when we awaken it is in some ways like a drug. The first hit is always the best. Inevitably life will return to normal, the excitement passes, and everything seems the same. No dramatic changes, no instant reversals of fortune, no divine insight into all. In some ways the return to normal can seem worse than if you had never awakened in the first place.

The key is to let go of all expectations while doing the work. Tap your spiritual practice on a regular basis. Whether that is eastern meditation, qigong, western magic, or prayer does not matter. Being consistent is what is important. A major qigong principle is that by the time you notice the change, it happened long ago. Don't be discouraged because you cannot see the progress, have faith that you are growing and as Ra would say, becoming more and more who you truly are.

[Sacred Fool]

Sacred fool, is there a Q'uo channeling on what you described about being open all the time? And can I ask, what made you give this advice?

I responded as I did because it's abundantly evident that you are very easily influenced, therefore it makes sense to maintain yourself in a place where you are influenced by love and beauty and peace and devotion instead of by garbage, if that's what you're into.

I don't believe you need any more information about being open, you obviously know all about that.  Again, it just seems obvious, you need (1) to intensify your commitment towards doing your assignment and (2) you need to learn tuning and clearing.

For the latter, you might look through Carla's books on wandering at llresearch.org

For the first, you might consider that the general assignment here is to learn to accept the unacceptable and love the unlovable, and if you're open to just about everything, then you have a big job on your hands and you ought to get busy with it.  So, how do you learn to accept and love?  In my case, I don't have to go very far.  I catch out of the corner of my eye--or much more directly--the various things I can't stand and I allow the emotional charge to deflate.  Then I look within the objects of my disdain for the elements I can love.  Then I work to shift the emotional charge from disdain to love.

BUT.  BUT, in order for this sort of thing to work even a little bit, you have to desire it to work in a very, very deep personal place.  No, rather, in many deep personal places.  You have to first find these places which desire a world made out of love.  Seek.  Seek.  Find those places within you and become dedicated to them.  Then do the hard work mentioned above.

Do all this for a year and a day and--POOF--you will find you are living happily ever after.   You know.....kind of.

[Diana]

For the first, you might consider that the general assignment here is to learn to accept the unacceptable and love the unlovable, and if you're open to just about everything, then you have a big job on your hands and you ought to get busy with it.  So, how do you learn to accept and love?  In my case, I don't have to go very far.  I catch out of the corner of my eye--or much more directly--the various things I can't stand and I allow the emotional charge to deflate.  Then I look within the objects of my disdain for the elements I can love.  Then I work to shift the emotional charge from disdain to love.

BUT.  BUT, in order for this sort of thing to work even a little bit, you have to desire it to work in a very, very deep personal place.  No, rather, in many deep personal places.  You have to first find these places which desire a world made out of love.  Seek.  Seek.  Find those places within you and become dedicated to them.  Then do the hard work mentioned above.

Do all this for a year and a day and--POOF--you will find you are living happily ever after.   You know.....kind of.

This seems very wise and well put to me.

["the stumbled one"]

This is a wonderful post, and very grateful for all the words of all of you, everything adds up in some way.
If I may share with, in and from your experiences and wisdom. My only wish is to maybe be of value to someone. Perhaps I can help in a little way from my experience of this.
I too used to have a strange presence appear in my sleep, very dark, very real, very powerful. So real, I have been wakened by a cat that used to sleep with me that frantically tried to protect my sleeping body, this was years ago. This "spirit" would pin me down in my sleep and create great pain in my rib sides and not release. The paralyzing state remained even as I became semi-awake, and I remember trying so hard to wake myself up, but couldn't, I couldn't move and the more I resisted the more powerful and painful it became. It happened often enough to create a fear. I share this not as a story for my own benefit, but to show you are not alone.
I have since almost learned to manipulate my own sleep state, I can change dreams, I can do this or that... You have your path and there is an awareness you seek of your own states. Once you become aware of it there is no longer a need for it.

Fundamentally, the darkness can only exist through your own resistance to it. You are the creator. I am not saying it may be every ones path, perhaps you can find a way to welcome the darkness, you have already made your choice as to your alignment, so have faith in the universe that you will not faulter. Healing requires awareness, of what, well that is your path to discover by introspection or sharing your pains... From my perspective, much of what you seek you have already said in your original post.

[Sacred Fool]

There's one more thing I would add to my post above, and it has to do an element I feel may be weak in your energetic profile, namely, trust in your own self.  I would suggest to you that you might find this in those deep, deep places I mentioned earlier in your being where you intensely seek a world made of love.  Your earnest seeking will attract towards you your love of self and your trust of self as you feel progressively more fully sense that all of these are but songs of love played with varying instruments. 

As you become more deeply an instrument of your own seeking, you may begin to recognise yourself becoming an instrument of an even broader seeking.  As you learn to find (or maybe just fall into) more precious collaboration with your spirit guides and helpers (who wish nothing less than to help you seek infinite love), the counterpoint of beauty and songs of love will inspire immense faith, such as you may be unable to imagine at this particular stage in your journey of spirit.

It's worth a try, I would suppose...if ennobling your spirit complex feels fulfilling to you.  I sense that you could move with some ease in this direction, particularly as you choose to guided less by your personality's narrative and more by the power of your seeking deeper self.  If you can focalise that and put it in a bottle--figuratively speaking--and hold that out in front of you as a guiding light, your experience in traveling through this shadowland will become less fraught with worry and self doubt.  It's a bit of a acrobatic skill, but you can use your heart's light to find a twisting pathway into your deeper heart.