I am 32, and have been going through this terrible period, with many things happening. A major depression, insatisfaction due to job reasons; I never really knew what my career could be apart from my interest in community living, environmental living and plants.
I live since 3 years in an intentional community, sounds cool yes, but it is sort of corrupt in spirit, and that makes me sad, and so many other members that the environment is now terribly dense and full of conflicts.
I have now decided to take half a year off and until then teach someone else to had my position in place of me; it's a great job, what I do, and I have a good relationship with everyone, but people lack organization, motivation and a real community sense around me and it frustates me a lot. It makes me sad that people are just here for the money.
Then, I want it to leave, go away (even without knowing exactly what to do if I leave) but my love partner lives with me, and also works at the community and she wants to stay, she needs income to studies, so she can't move elsewhere as I want. She is still a beacon of stability and love in face of all of this hardship. It's one of my few things good. Even if our relationship is going through its 7 years crises. It's a hard choice to leave or to stay here.
The things I wanted to do would be to save plant species from extinction, I was starting doing it (as a hobbie after my job times), but then lost the motivation as no one else shares the same interest, and when the depression hit, things got worst and plants have been suffering due to my lack of attention, which is terribly sad. Also the bossof the community want us to move house, so I would have the drop all my plant projects anyways. Anyways if I move to another country as I want to, I can't move them with me, and that is another trouble. They seem doomed.
I am feeling terribly overwhelmed because of all these pressures conspiring at the same time! Thing is I have been long abroad, this is now Iceland, and although a pretty beautiful country, people are cold, I only have temporary friends here, mostly foreigners, and the climate is bad with much darkness over a long time in winter, snow from september to june, and a cold summer (anyways was not the best climate for our plant dreams).
I dream of returning to my home country, Portugal, but there is a terrible financial crises there. I wanted to buy a farm there, with my love partner (we're both from there), and maybe even start our own ecocommunity, but we have not enough money for it. We feel confused, dreams lost.
The last big thing it happened was that my family (Portuguese) ask me for money, a quite large sum, as they ended up in terrible debt due to their terrible financial mistakes, that money is more than my savings, but the other day they were so enraged they decided to break their relationship with me, when I told me that lending that much money is not easy for me. Trouble here, I had all my saving at their house (since banks were collapsing a couple years ago), so now I can lost both my family and savings.
I also have going through health problems, but that's still a minor thing, caused by all this psychological stress and pressure.
So, everything seems like a mess, of course I know in life, these sort of crises sometimes happens. But they can be pretty devastating. Too much breaking apart at the same time!! I still have a lot of nice friendships, my love partner (even if under a complicated choice), and a lot of dreams which I do not know how to reach.
Anyone wants to comment?
I live since 3 years in an intentional community, sounds cool yes, but it is sort of corrupt in spirit, and that makes me sad, and so many other members that the environment is now terribly dense and full of conflicts.
I have now decided to take half a year off and until then teach someone else to had my position in place of me; it's a great job, what I do, and I have a good relationship with everyone, but people lack organization, motivation and a real community sense around me and it frustates me a lot. It makes me sad that people are just here for the money.
Then, I want it to leave, go away (even without knowing exactly what to do if I leave) but my love partner lives with me, and also works at the community and she wants to stay, she needs income to studies, so she can't move elsewhere as I want. She is still a beacon of stability and love in face of all of this hardship. It's one of my few things good. Even if our relationship is going through its 7 years crises. It's a hard choice to leave or to stay here.
The things I wanted to do would be to save plant species from extinction, I was starting doing it (as a hobbie after my job times), but then lost the motivation as no one else shares the same interest, and when the depression hit, things got worst and plants have been suffering due to my lack of attention, which is terribly sad. Also the bossof the community want us to move house, so I would have the drop all my plant projects anyways. Anyways if I move to another country as I want to, I can't move them with me, and that is another trouble. They seem doomed.
I am feeling terribly overwhelmed because of all these pressures conspiring at the same time! Thing is I have been long abroad, this is now Iceland, and although a pretty beautiful country, people are cold, I only have temporary friends here, mostly foreigners, and the climate is bad with much darkness over a long time in winter, snow from september to june, and a cold summer (anyways was not the best climate for our plant dreams).
I dream of returning to my home country, Portugal, but there is a terrible financial crises there. I wanted to buy a farm there, with my love partner (we're both from there), and maybe even start our own ecocommunity, but we have not enough money for it. We feel confused, dreams lost.
The last big thing it happened was that my family (Portuguese) ask me for money, a quite large sum, as they ended up in terrible debt due to their terrible financial mistakes, that money is more than my savings, but the other day they were so enraged they decided to break their relationship with me, when I told me that lending that much money is not easy for me. Trouble here, I had all my saving at their house (since banks were collapsing a couple years ago), so now I can lost both my family and savings.
I also have going through health problems, but that's still a minor thing, caused by all this psychological stress and pressure.
So, everything seems like a mess, of course I know in life, these sort of crises sometimes happens. But they can be pretty devastating. Too much breaking apart at the same time!! I still have a lot of nice friendships, my love partner (even if under a complicated choice), and a lot of dreams which I do not know how to reach.
Anyone wants to comment?