Wide Awake and Smiling (finally)
06-13-2015, 07:07 PM,
#1
Wide Awake and Smiling (finally)
It is so interesting and wonderful to see what varied stories we all have.
Mine is more like a series of awakenings. I have forgotten myself more than once. I’m sure my higher self would be exasperated if it wasn’t so full of patience and love!
When I was extremely young I could see auras and energy fields and I often had conversations with a Native American man I used to see in the backyard. But, over time I learned the experiences I was having weren’t “normal.” I am an introvert and when I was young I was very shy, so I didn’t like to be noticed if I could avoid it.
Anyway, when I described the energy fields to my parents and asked what they were, they seemed perplexed and finally told me it was probably my imagination. They called the man in the backyard my “imaginary friend.”
When I was about three I was at my cousin’s house, rambling in the backyard close to the woods, (don’t ask me why a three-year-old was allowed to do that – it was a different time, I suppose) and I came upon a door under a small hill. It was cracked open and I could see a yellow sky with white clouds through the crack. I was intrigued and considered going into it, but I thought if I went through it I might not come back and my parents would be very upset. So I went back up to the house and asked my cousin to go with me. She looked at me like I was crazy and told me there was no door back there.
When I was five I told my mother I was going to catch a bird and I walked out the back door and picked up a robin and brought it back into the house. She was shocked and I heard her telling the story to other adults several times, always exclaiming about how strange it was.
I guess you can get the picture. I stopped having these experiences soon after that and to this day I can’t see auras anymore, though I can sense them easily, and I’ve never been able to catch another robin.
I always had a sense of God. I carried on an almost constant conversation with some unseen being for most of my childhood. I always felt that everything was alive and I spoke to plants, animals, and inanimate objects alike.
When I was eight I discovered “Chariots of the Gods” and I read it cover to cover in one day. After that I devoured everything I could find about ancient civilizations, unsolved mysteries, the Bermuda Triangle, anything supernatural, but I always ended up frustrated because it seemed like the information was so incomplete.
As I grew I felt more and more alienated. The world seemed crazy and cruel to me. My parents are atheists, though they always encouraged me to find my own beliefs. My grandparents were devout Christians, so they were always worried about my soul and that didn’t seem any better. No one seemed to have any answers that satisfied me. I felt completely alone and confused. I couldn’t understand why I was alive.
By the time I was a teenager I was completely out of control and full of rage. My straight A report cards turned into straight Ds. I found drugs and punk rock music and threw myself into them completely. You name it, I tried it, LSD, Rush, mushrooms, alcohol, cocaine, marijuana. The only things I didn’t try were heroine and meth.
Looking back now, I see even my drug use and my love of punk shows – I used to like to stand right by the amplifier and let the music pulse through me until I literally felt I was one with it – was just a way of looking for God – or whatever you want to call that creative universal force.
I ended up married to a punk rock musician of local notoriety when I was 19. He was a “bad boy” and I thought he needed me. For the next few years I followed his band while he slept around, dealt drugs, and totally destroyed what was left of my self-esteem.
Eventually the band broke up and he became more and more depressed and abusive. I went back to school and got two jobs – partly so I barely ever had to go home – while he laid on the couch in his underwear and drank and did drugs.
Then came the night when he physically assaulted me. I will leave out the gory details, but I managed to escape and call the police. He went to jail that night.
The next day I came home and parked in the driveway and saw that he was out of jail.
I felt totally defeated. I had nowhere to go, but I didn’t want to go into the house and see him. I dropped my head down on the steering wheel and sobbed and prayed. My prayer was, “Please let me die.”
I don’t know how long I had been sitting there when I suddenly became aware of soft fluttering all around the car. I opened my eyes. It had rained the night before and there were puddles everywhere. My car was surrounded by a large flock of sparrows. They were bathing in the water, shaking their small wings, dipping their beaks to sip and tilting their heads back to swallow.
As I watched them, I became aware that even though they were doing different things, they were all moving together as one. A ray of sunlight broke through the clouds and suddenly the whole scene was bathed in gold with sparkling highlights.
It hit me that everything was one and somehow that meant it was all going to be okay.
It took me a couple of years of surreptitious planning and the help of the most wonderful friends who appeared right when I needed them, but I was finally able to get out of the situation without getting killed.
In the meantime, I began to study animal totems and discovered that birds and animals appeared to me with messages on a daily basis. At first I wasn’t always able to interpret what they were telling me until after the fact, but I improved with practice.
I also began practicing “earth magic” and meditating, and I began reading the Tarot cards again – something I did when I was a teenager.
After I left my ex-husband, I quit drinking and hard drugs and cut my marijuana use down from morning, noon, and night to a couple of nights a week.
I moved back to Boulder, CO, where I had grown up.
One day while haunting the aisles of the local metaphysical book store, as I did almost every time I had a day off, I found a small book, “Scientific Healing Affirmations” by Paramahansa Yogananda. I bought it merely because I liked his face on the cover. I slipped it into my purse and didn’t even read it, just carried it around.
A few weeks after that I went to visit my sister in L.A.
She said, “There’s this place that I went to – some Buddhist garden or something – but the whole time I was there all I could think was that I had to bring you there.”
So we went.
It was a beautiful garden, and I loved it, but the thing that amazed me was when we went into the chapel that was located on the grounds and there on the altar, next to Jesus, was a picture of the same face that was on my little book. I pulled the book out of my purse and there it was. My sister had taken me to the Lake Shrine at Encinitas, established by Paramahansa Yogananda.
Okay. My head isn’t that hard. “I get it,” I said to the face.
After that we went to the beach and were blessed to see dolphins jumping and playing among the waves. When I looked them up in my animal totem book I discovered that they teach how to use the breath.
That was not to reach full fruition till a few years later, but it was the beginning of my path toward yoga. I read everything I could find by my dear guru Sri Yoganandaji and began practicing pranayama and meditation according to his teachings.
I ended up moving to rural Oklahoma after that. My grandfather had just died and I was feeling very torn up from the loss as well as still carrying the wounds of my marriage and divorce and my addiction to pot. It seemed like moving into his old place in the country might help me recover, so I went.
My family dragged me to church a few weeks later and the minister announced that they had still not been able to fill the adult Sunday school teacher job that my grandfather had left empty when he died. I felt this overwhelming surge of energy when she said it. I was tingling from head to foot and could barely contain it. My cousin, who was sitting next to me, turned and said, “You’re going to do that, aren’t you?”
But I wasn’t even a Christian! I was totally freaked out. I considered myself a pagan. They burn people like me at the stake, I thought. Yet, when the service was over and I was shaking the minister’s hand I found myself volunteering to teach the class to my own great surprise and chagrin. What in the world was wrong with me? Why would I make such a commitment? Now I was going to have to go to church every Sunday! And read the Bible! I thought I had lost my mind.
That night I had a dream. I was on a train traveling through the mountains. It stopped at a familiar Colorado peak that I had gazed upon since I was a child. As I stepped off the train, I looked to the top of the mountain. There was an enormous book open across it. Gold white light was pouring out of it, illuminating the whole sky. “Wow,” I said. “I can’t believe that’s been there the whole time and I never saw it.” Jesus was suddenly beside me, bathing me in such intense love and light that I could barely stand it. I awoke in tears.
A couple of days later my uncle came by with three donkeys in a trailer. He said he wanted to keep them in the field by my house if I would be willing to feed and water them. Well, they were too cute to resist, and I had to laugh. Donkeys! – a totem of wisdom with definite Christian connotations.
Another strange thing that happened to me during that time was that I met this tall very socially awkward man who was part of a poetry group I belonged to. He told me he had to wear a disguise because he didn’t want the CIA to find him. I thought he was a harmless kook, so I tried to be kind to him. He said he had a numerology program on his computer and he wanted to do my numerology. Of course, I am always interested in things like that, so I told him that would be fine.
A few days later he came to the poetry meeting with a thick sheaf of papers and handed them to me. “I have never done one like this,” he said. “This is amazing. You have to look at it.”
I glanced down at it. In capital letters, scattered throughout the text were the words “LIGHT MESSENGER” over and over. I did not find this surprising, but I didn’t really know what to make of it either. I thanked him. Shortly after that he disappeared and no one in the poetry group every heard from him again.
I studied the Bible and taught adult Sunday school for three years . . . and then I moved to Santa Fe.
The Universe always has something weirder in store, it seems.
Anyway, I had only been there for a short while when my boyfriend gave me an eight-class pass to a very exclusive yoga studio. I had been practicing yoga with a video tape for a few years, but I’d never had a real class.
The first time I went to the studio I was so intimidated I almost turned around and left. Everyone was perfect and serious, it seemed. They were all skinnier than I was (I thought) and they could do crazy poses I had never dreamed of. I realized I had never actually done yoga before. But I went ahead and stayed – that pass was expensive and I wasn’t going to waste it. By the time the pass ran out, I absolutely loved yoga and the studio and I had made a connection with a really wonderful teacher.
But, alas, I was still looking for a job and I couldn’t afford to renew it.
A couple of weeks later I ran into my teacher at the local coffee and tea house. She asked me where I had been and I explained that I was looking for a job and would be back as soon as I earned some money.
“Come with me,” she said.
I followed her to the studio and she introduced me to the owner. They were looking for a front desk person and the owner hired me on the spot.
I spent the next three years working and studying at the studio. It was an amazing opportunity. I was able to study with some of the most preeminent teachers in the country. It enabled me to release a lot of my past trauma and open my heart center. I began teaching yoga myself within a couple of years.
One day, a few months before I would leave Santa Fe, I was at the front desk by myself. There wasn’t a class, and no one was in the small retail store. A tall, light-haired man in a white sweat suit came in. He smiled dazzlingly, “There you are,” he said.
I’m sure I looked confused, but I smiled back.
He leaned out the door and called to someone else, “I told you she was in here,” he said.
A minute later a tall woman joined him. She had dark hair and very pale skin. She looked almost elfin with pixie-like ears and lovely almond shaped eyes.
They told me they had been looking for me – that they were traveling across country working with a few people to help them prepare for the coming earth changes and that I was one of the people they needed to talk to.
They said a lot of “indigos” had incarnated on the planet to help with “the shift,” but that they were losing their way because they had not realized how difficult it was going to be in this plane.
I was skeptical and a bit scared and I didn’t really have a clue what they were talking about, but something compelled me to meet them later and let them do some energy work.
Over the next few months they did some amazing energy work on me – clearing my energy body and talking to me about various spiritual subjects.
They told me that I tend to absorb other people’s negative energy to help them feel better. However, they explained, I need to be careful about this because I was holding it and it was lowering my vibration. They said they knew I wanted to help people, but the way I could help people most was to increase my own vibration and keep my energy centers clear. “You can’t save these yay-hoos,” the man told me. “Concentrate your energy on lifting yourself and those who are receptive to your help. You aren’t helping the planet when you lower your own vibration for someone who isn’t going to get better.”
The story of my life with relationships!
I could write a lot more about everything they told me, and the energy work they did, but I will save that for later.
At the time I didn’t realize they were ETs, but a couple of years later it struck me that they probably were – just because of a few of the odd things they said, as if they were strangers to this world. Like, “Some of the music you have here is very positive, and some of the music is not good and you shouldn’t listen to it on the radio.” And other small odd things, like they didn’t know a Subaru was not an American car. Also, they drove an SUV with an enormous tarp-covered object on top of it. The object was higher and appeared rounded in back and came down to a point in front. There were several times I meant to ask them what it was and I somehow got distracted and never asked.
Now I am back in rural Oklahoma teaching yoga and I have recently begun to do Reiki healing. I often wish I was among more like-minded people, but I understand they don't have anyone else like me around (that I'm aware of, anyway).
I discovered the Law of One thanks to a tour guide in San Miguel de Allende, Mexico. I was there on vacation with my mom and my sister (my sister always leads me to the best places – she is a fellow Wanderer). We hired this man to give us a tour of the cathedrals and we started talking about UFOs and soon we discovered that we were like-minded and began to discuss all sorts of spiritual things. He told me I would like David Wilcock’s web site, Divine Cosmos, and he was right. That brought me to the Law of One, which is the best information I’ve discovered on this earth and has really helped me to understand what in the weird wide world I am supposed to be doing . . .
Looking back I can see that I have always been guided, even when I thought I was floundering in the dark, and I can see how very blessed I’ve been.
What an amazing ride! What will happen next, I wonder?
Bless all of you wonderful Wanderers and seekers! May we shine our love to light the way for everyone!
Thanks so much for letting me share the highlights of a long story that I have rarely been able to tell!
Heart Heart Heart
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Berilac Sandydowns, Bourbon Betty, Infinite Unity, isis, JaneC, Kaaron, mjlabadia, Namaste, Nicholas, Sabou, sunnysideup, VanAlioSaldo, βαθμιαίος
06-13-2015, 07:37 PM,
#2
RE: Wide Awake and Smiling (finally)
Very interesting account, yogini13.

Onward and upward. Smile

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"Go! You have yet time to clean the rust from your sword."  - Theoden
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Nicholas
06-13-2015, 08:27 PM,
#3
RE: Wide Awake and Smiling (finally)
(06-13-2015, 07:07 PM)yogini13 Wrote:  Looking back I can see that I have always been guided, even when I thought I was floundering in the dark, and I can see how very blessed I’ve been.
What an amazing ride! What will happen next, I wonder?

thanks for the amazing story yogini.  What an amazing read!

you've definitely had an eventful life  Big Grin
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Nicholas
06-13-2015, 09:14 PM, (This post was last modified: 06-13-2015, 09:15 PM by Bourbon Betty.)
#4
RE: Wide Awake and Smiling (finally)
Took a while to read.

Your story sounded like you're wrapped in a sea of cotton candy and slowly rising to the surface and you only have a breather mask on and you've been rising for so long that the inner most parts of the candy have already decayed but you don't care, you're just going to get to the surface of that giant cotton candy ball, and then you'll figure out what to do next.

Sounds like a good life situation to be in and nice company to find oneself in.





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06-14-2015, 01:50 PM,
#5
RE: Wide Awake and Smiling (finally)
I like a lot of your story, some parts don't resonate well with me though. Such as the part of the man saying you cant save these ya-hoos. I would say that your not the only special one around, no one is a ya hoo, and because we are all special.
You must not follow, but you shall witness.
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Bourbon Betty
06-14-2015, 01:51 PM,
#6
RE: Wide Awake and Smiling (finally)
I would agree with the best way of helping people is through keeping your energy path ways clear and flowing. To channel love and light into the Earth
You must not follow, but you shall witness.
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06-14-2015, 01:54 PM,
#7
RE: Wide Awake and Smiling (finally)
(06-14-2015, 01:51 PM)Indigo Light Wrote:  I would agree with the best way of helping people is through keeping your energy path ways clear and flowing. To channel love and light into the Earth

I've wondered how effective that really is. If you see a starving person, it is much better to give them a sandwich than to send them love/light.

Doubt everything. Find your own light. - Buddha
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Bourbon Betty
06-14-2015, 02:13 PM,
#8
RE: Wide Awake and Smiling (finally)
Helping clearing other's energy paths through metaphysical and physical means is also a great service.

There is no self in the sense of separate individuality, yet there is one prevailing identity.
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06-14-2015, 03:24 PM,
#9
RE: Wide Awake and Smiling (finally)
Thanks for sharing, wonderful that you found your way (self) from a place of such darkness.

In incredibly strong feat :¬)
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Nicholas
06-14-2015, 05:25 PM,
#10
RE: Wide Awake and Smiling (finally)
(06-14-2015, 01:54 PM)IndigoGeminiWolf Wrote:  
(06-14-2015, 01:51 PM)Indigo Light Wrote:  I would agree with the best way of helping people is through keeping your energy path ways clear and flowing. To channel love and light into the Earth

I've wondered how effective that really is. If you see a starving person, it is much better to give them a sandwich than to send them love/light.

I read as far as the part about the stadnwitch and then I started eating one and watching mlp.

Good post.
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Infinite Unity
06-14-2015, 09:52 PM,
#11
RE: Wide Awake and Smiling (finally)
(06-14-2015, 01:50 PM)Indigo Light Wrote:  I like a lot of your story, some parts don't resonate well with me though. Such as the part of the man saying you cant save these ya-hoos.  I would say that your not the only special one around, no one is a ya hoo, and because we are all special.

I was a bit taken aback as well when he said that, but I probably didn't frame it correctly in context. It is not so much that I'm special or anyone else isn't. I agree - we are all in this together and everybody is special. What he said next was that I am not Jesus and my calling is not to sacrifice myself on a cross. He said everybody has the same choices and some people have chosen not to shift by their own free will. He said people of a higher vibrational frequency do the world more good by continuing to vibrate higher, rather than letting others drag them down to a lower level, which is what happens when "higher vibrators" allow "lower vibrators" access to their energy fields. The higher we each vibrate, the higher the whole collective vibrates. In part, he was referring to the toxic relationship I was in at the time, which was really pulling me down because I was trying to "fix" someone who didn't want to be "fixed." It's a catalyst that keeps coming back to me, so there must be something I still need to learn about it, but I have learned to protect my energy field better than I was at that time. I think ultimately what he was saying was more about not letting others harm you in the name of trying to help them. Thanks for reading my post and giving me an opportunity to clarify. Wink
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06-15-2015, 09:50 PM,
#12
RE: Wide Awake and Smiling (finally)
Wow-ee what an exciting journey, so what is next for you? Still teaching Yoga and practising Rieki?
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06-16-2015, 08:08 PM,
#13
RE: Wide Awake and Smiling (finally)
(06-14-2015, 01:54 PM)IndigoGeminiWolf Wrote:  
(06-14-2015, 01:51 PM)Indigo Light Wrote:  I would agree with the best way of helping people is through keeping your energy path ways clear and flowing. To channel love and light into the Earth

I've wondered how effective that really is. If you see a starving person, it is much better to give them a sandwich than to send them love/light.

If you give a starving person a sandwich, you cured there ailment for a short duration. What are the reasons that lie behind him being hungry. What lessons lie in his hunger? Sending love/light can help the entity become aware of these lessons, and what needs to be done. Thus having food on the table.
You must not follow, but you shall witness.
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06-16-2015, 08:09 PM, (This post was last modified: 06-16-2015, 08:10 PM by Indigo Light.)
#14
RE: Wide Awake and Smiling (finally)
To break the butterfly free from its cacoon, in the hope of helping it, does the opposite. and is a great injustice.
You must not follow, but you shall witness.
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06-16-2015, 08:13 PM,
#15
RE: Wide Awake and Smiling (finally)
(06-14-2015, 09:52 PM)yogini13 Wrote:  
(06-14-2015, 01:50 PM)Indigo Light Wrote:  I like a lot of your story, some parts don't resonate well with me though. Such as the part of the man saying you cant save these ya-hoos.  I would say that your not the only special one around, no one is a ya hoo, and because we are all special.

I was a bit taken aback as well when he said that, but I probably didn't frame it correctly in context. It is not so much that I'm special or anyone else isn't. I agree - we are all in this together and everybody is special. What he said next was that I am not Jesus and my calling is not to sacrifice myself on a cross. He said everybody has the same choices and some people have chosen not to shift by their own free will. He said people of a higher vibrational frequency do the world more good by continuing to vibrate higher, rather than letting others drag them down to a lower level, which is what happens when "higher vibrators" allow "lower vibrators" access to their energy fields. The higher we each vibrate, the higher the whole collective vibrates. In part, he was referring to the toxic relationship I was in at the time, which was really pulling me down because I was trying to "fix" someone who didn't want to be "fixed." It's a catalyst that keeps coming back to me, so there must be something I still need to learn about it, but I have learned to protect my energy field better than I was at that time. I think ultimately what he was saying was more about not letting others harm you in the name of trying to help them. Thanks for reading my post and giving me an opportunity to clarify. Wink
OK I see exactly what your saying, I also agree with you. On the subject pertaining to the vibrational fields. Also I meant nothing personal. I also believe you. I just meant be wary of people such as them.
You must not follow, but you shall witness.
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Sabou
07-25-2015, 02:00 PM,
#16
RE: Wide Awake and Smiling (finally)
Thank you Sister for sharing your experiences, I can see that not only me have through many things. I'm glad that you have found yourself once again I personally cannot imagine how you made it out, you must be a really strong woman. Most of the time only positives entities reincarnate because we understand that this world and natives earth(little brothers and sisters) need Love. Negative entities in a very rare occasion decide to reincarnate they are afraid of forgetting who they really are. We positive entities do this all the time. We understand very well the word 'Sacrifice'.
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