I am a bigot. Really, I am. It is not some delusion or misunderstanding, it is the unfortunate truth about my self. If you met me, and even befriended me, you probably wouldn’t notice it, but that is probably because I have done such a good job of hiding it. I’ve been able to hide it so well that I have even convinced myself at times that it is not the case.
My bigotry is all encompassing in that it extends to all the usual things you would imagine such as sexuality, race, gender, religion, disability, culture etc. The worst part about it is that I paint myself as this all loving, all accepting and thoughtful person when in truth I’m not. It is always there, underneath the surface, speaking words into my ear and influencing how I feel. It is so insidious. I see it in absolutely everyone, even those who claim otherwise. I am not so sure if it has gotten worse, or I have become more aware of it and all of it’s intricacies. Probably the latter.
Let’s take sexuality for example. Just recently I came across an article about the fluidity of sexuality, the ever increasing list of labels used to identify ones sexuality and how, in truth, sexuality cannot be accurately labelled at all. At this, I found myself annoyed and even angry with the thought that “it is trendy and cool now a days to jump from one label to another, create your own or eschew labels all together” sincerely inhabiting my mind. I honestly feel that sexuality has been turned into a game, one that can be chopped and changed at will and that makes me angry for whatever reason. I understand how offensive and dismissive that is, and that discrimination towards a person’s sexuality can cause great harm, but regardless, such feelings persist. What business is it of mine how people label or don’t label their sexuality, you ask, and I agree, it is none of my business and it shouldn’t effect me or matter. I’ll be even more honest and admit that I feel that the love shared between a man and a woman is the most beautiful kind there is. Again, I am aware of how offensive such a statement is.
Another example. I was on the train not too long ago and a person with a clear mental disability came and sat opposite me and my immediate reaction was to get up and move, which in all truth persisted until I got off at my stop. They were drooling and all I could think about was “please don’t get any of that on me”. Sure, I remained in my seat, but none the less the desire to move was very much there.
The scary part is that all of this is just the tip of the iceberg and that some of the other things I think and feel are much darker and more dehumanising than what I have admitted to above. I am starting to think that this part of me will always be there, no matter how hard I fight it or how strongly I wish it to leave. Maybe it is a matter of always being on guard and never letting it influence my actions, and instead containing it within my mind.
My bigotry is all encompassing in that it extends to all the usual things you would imagine such as sexuality, race, gender, religion, disability, culture etc. The worst part about it is that I paint myself as this all loving, all accepting and thoughtful person when in truth I’m not. It is always there, underneath the surface, speaking words into my ear and influencing how I feel. It is so insidious. I see it in absolutely everyone, even those who claim otherwise. I am not so sure if it has gotten worse, or I have become more aware of it and all of it’s intricacies. Probably the latter.
Let’s take sexuality for example. Just recently I came across an article about the fluidity of sexuality, the ever increasing list of labels used to identify ones sexuality and how, in truth, sexuality cannot be accurately labelled at all. At this, I found myself annoyed and even angry with the thought that “it is trendy and cool now a days to jump from one label to another, create your own or eschew labels all together” sincerely inhabiting my mind. I honestly feel that sexuality has been turned into a game, one that can be chopped and changed at will and that makes me angry for whatever reason. I understand how offensive and dismissive that is, and that discrimination towards a person’s sexuality can cause great harm, but regardless, such feelings persist. What business is it of mine how people label or don’t label their sexuality, you ask, and I agree, it is none of my business and it shouldn’t effect me or matter. I’ll be even more honest and admit that I feel that the love shared between a man and a woman is the most beautiful kind there is. Again, I am aware of how offensive such a statement is.
Another example. I was on the train not too long ago and a person with a clear mental disability came and sat opposite me and my immediate reaction was to get up and move, which in all truth persisted until I got off at my stop. They were drooling and all I could think about was “please don’t get any of that on me”. Sure, I remained in my seat, but none the less the desire to move was very much there.
The scary part is that all of this is just the tip of the iceberg and that some of the other things I think and feel are much darker and more dehumanising than what I have admitted to above. I am starting to think that this part of me will always be there, no matter how hard I fight it or how strongly I wish it to leave. Maybe it is a matter of always being on guard and never letting it influence my actions, and instead containing it within my mind.