Loving people who are apparently impossible to love.

[777]

deleted

[APeacefulWarrior]

Strictly speaking, forgiveness is the answer. I doubt that's what you want to hear, but as long as you hold onto the pain in your heart, it will be a very slow road to healing. I'd suggest trying to understand them better. If not agreeing with what they did, at least understanding why they did it. Or considering the pains which they must be suffering as a result of their (presumably) poor karma.

I know that this probably isn't an optimal answer, but it's not an easy situation. I suspect that learning to love the "unloveable" is one of the great challenges for 4D growth while on Earth.

[Nía]

Hi 777,

Attempting to love these people just brings up horrible and brutal memories that end up making me hate them and myself. It may even be leaving me vulnerable to psychic attack from these people, who are possibly still very unpleasant at this point in time.

I don't know anything about your specific situation (which I am very sorry to hear about), but maybe these pieces of advice are a better option, for now, the approach being to wish them well rather than trying to open yourself completely to love for them (yet):

In the case of those with whom you, as entities and as a group, are not in resonance, you wish them love, light, peace, joy, and bid them well.

There simply are many circumstances in your daily lives where you will be dealing with those who have no intention and no present capacity to engage with you heart to heart, and it is well then to privately wish well these that need to go their own way, to hope that they find what they need to find in order to find their way to the spiritual advancement which they too inevitably seek.

You do well to surround yourself with those who you feel help that growth in the best possible way, and you do well — when you do encounter, as you inevitably will, catalyst that seems to stem from hostile regions — to bless this catalyst, to accept this catalyst as a portion of the One Infinite Creator suggesting to you that there are ways in which you may expand inwardly so as to absorb that which may be absorbed without harm, but recognizing too that sometimes not all may be absorbed without harm; and here we simply advise that you take care of the tender shoots of your being, for they are the very essence of the creation at work.

And, maybe, in the case the people your are talking about, would actually have chosen the STS path, trying some compassion for them having chosen the more difficult path might be more suitable/appropriate than completely opening yourself up to love (yet), as Aaron suggests here?

There is no such thing as absolute evil. There are those beings who are negatively polarized in service to self and act in love for that self. The selfishness of that motivation, let us say the self-centeredness of that motivation, may cause immense suffering for others, yet one must still acknowledge that this being is motivated by some form of love, however distorted that love may be. Such a being may indeed even graduate from the earth plane, carrying that negative distortion; but it cannot return to the One ultimately, cannot move through the higher densities beyond sixth density with that negative distortion. It becomes a dead end. So, it may carry its negative distortion to a very high level, but eventually it must change its polarity to proceed.

(...)

The difference in path, then, seems to be that the path of service to others speaks of awareness of the suffering of all beings and the deeply heartfelt desire to alleviate suffering. The path of service to self ignores that suffering because it accentuates the separate self. It cannot ultimately carry one back to full unity with the Creator because there is still the delusion of separation. It is therefore a truly more difficult path. Can one begin to have compassion for beings who are set on that path rather than fear and hatred of them? Their negative distortion causes as much pain to them as to others.

All the best wishes!
-`ღ´-

[Nía]

And another quote by Aaron, about how to approach the process of forgiveness, when the time is right:

To consider the possibility of forgiveness is to touch the deepest hurt places in the self with an honesty which acknowledges the wish to enact pain in return for pain, acknowledges the enormity of the desire to be safe and comfortable. And it is not enough to acknowledge these forces, but one must do so without judgment. Thus, the process of forgiveness begins with the self.

-`ღ´-

[Stranger]

Seeking advice on this.

I have an extremely difficult time trying to love people who I have a ton of extremely negative traumas associated with. Thinking of them just brings up my PTSD.

Whenever I make a breakthrough and open my heart, a later unrelated situation usually pops up and activates my PTSD, bringing me back to that cycle of negative emotion towards myself, the people aforementioned, and the world.

It's a catch 22, because not loving these people apparently creates energetic and karmic blocks that severely restrict my life, light, and progress.

Attempting to love these people just brings up horrible and brutal memories that end up making me hate them and myself. It may even be leaving me vulnerable to psychic attack from these people, who are possibly still very unpleasant at this point in time.

Brother, I say without exaggeration that I am uniquely qualified to respond to your question due to my professional and personal experience.

You cannot love the people who have traumatized you until you've healed the trauma within yourself.  

When we are traumatized, it is as if a part of us remains stuck in the painful, intolerable traumatic situation.  For that part, time does not pass.  

That part's existence is pain, in two ways: first, although it can lie relatively dormant inside us, as soon as it is triggered (e.g., by contact with people who've traumatized us, or any reminder of the trauma), it is as if the traumatic situation never ended, and it is back to reliving it with full vivid emotion.  Second, even when not triggered, the presence of the traumatized part inside us can be perceived as physical pain.  In fact, if you were to focus on a particular painful memory and recall it to mind, you will most likely be able to notice where in your body that memory exists.  A traumatic memory is an energy blockage, as you have correctly noted.

Now you can understand why it is impossible to love the people who've traumatized you until the trauma has been healed.  While you're focusing your mind on the abuser and trying to love them, by doing so you're simultaneously awakening a terrified, younger part of you into the abuse situation which, for you, was in the past, but for the traumatized part of you is always in the present.  That part's reaction produces the emotions you experience as hatred toward them and yourself.

I have to go now but will continue this post later with information on how to heal trauma, so that you can begin to love yourself and the abusers from a healthy place.  In the meantime, lots of light to you.  You are strong.

[Nía]

Q'uo on the processing and healing of trauma...

[W]ithin your own persons there are elements of your being that are increasingly coming to light as the energies of your planet have begun noticeably to accelerate to the point that aspects of your being that have long lain concealed from you now no longer can remain concealed.

Therefore, as you seek to be about the business of opening your hearts, you will find that there are elements, you might say, of your past catalyst that have not been able to be processed, still residing within you in such a way that they are like impediments or blockages to the energy which in the open heart you would gladly dedicate in service to others and in praise and thanksgiving to the One Infinite Creator. These residuals of difficult catalyst not yet processed can be very challenging for the seeker who finds that it is like opening old wounds to allow these to come forth into present experience for purposes of healing.

Indeed, my friends, we will tell you that the pain involved in this process can be very real, and the difficulties that you face can be quite challenging. Now, it is also true that you face challenges not only of your own making, but of the making of those around you; and at a time in which repressed energies are being loosed right and left, so to speak, you can easily find yourself overwhelmed, and think yourself to be without resources sufficient for managing these diverse, and very often disharmonious, energies.

We would invite you to begin by recollecting a simple point, but one which, in our estimation, bears consideration: you are all things. You, my friends, are the One Infinite Creator in one of its infinite faces. And as such, you have the full resources of this infinite Creator upon which you may draw. We would put to the deepest of these resources a simple word, and that is love, and we would say that as you turn your attention to the effort to process catalyst which can come upon you as apparently unprocessable, that you begin by recognizing that it is you, my friends, you who are all things, and the disturbance in your force field, shall we say, is your disturbance, and as your disturbance, it is subject to that wee small will to heal, which arises within you as your innermost desire, your innermost aspiration.

Now, we are not saying that finding this desire to heal within yourself will immediately issue in a result which will affect the whole of your planetary experience, but it can affect that portion of your planetary experience which is immediately present to you, and by attending to that which is within the intimacy of your personal reach, you are performing a service to the creation which, we would suggest, should not be underestimated. By loving that little bit of energy which is present to you as unlovable, you subtly begin a process whereby that energy is transformed [so] that catalyst may be moved to a higher plane of encounter, shall we say.

And in this way, slowly but surely, you can begin to create for yourself—and, we would add, for those around you—a safer and safer place of encounter where more and more of the distraught energies of unprocessed past catalyst can be allowed to announce themselves, and to present themselves for healing and for blessing.

It is also true that as you begin to make headway in the processing of those energies which have lodged themselves within secreted[1] portions of your own being, you may more and more allow unprocessed energies, secreted within portions of your social energy complex, to come within range of your healing touch. And when you do this, when you allow a person with whom you are in close contact, to be a little fragile, to be a little stubborn, to be a little oppositional without reflecting back a like negativity of response, you give this energy—which is, in itself, seeking liberation—an opportunity to move past its constrained condition, and to find life in a new and more welcoming form, in a new and more welcoming expression.

You may well be surprised by the suddenness of transformation that thereby becomes possible. And just as when your own difficulties and your own traumas are given the opportunity to be expressed, to be felt, to be loved, you can find also that those that have entered the general admixture of energies which constitute your social matrix[2] can find themselves also healed, and sometimes in a rather abrupt way. To be sure, not always is the healing so sudden, and it can be the case that one layer of trauma merely conceals another, and another yet again, so that you have maybe worked assiduously in order to make progress only to discover that the progress that you have made opens the door to much more progress still in need of being made, and you can find yourself utterly overwhelmed at that moment of first recognition.

Then, my friends, it is sometimes well to step back and to admit to yourself that you cannot do everything all at once, that you cannot heal all difficult energies, all troubled emotions, all traumatic fragments of personality that seem to be so utterly dis-integrated. Each here is a work in progress. Each here has volunteered to take on, shall we say, a certain portion of the processing of the planetary energies.

This will not be work that is done in a day—this is work that you have undertaken with some degree of ambition. And what that means is that you need to be able to work over a long period of time, and during this period of time there will be periods in which you must be able to step back and rest; you must be able to withdraw long enough to regenerate your strength, long enough to recollect yourself, long enough to recreate yourself so that you have again the strength, the enthusiasm, the joy for the undertaking, And if you find that you are in a period in which rest is required it is well that you should be forgiving of yourself; it is well that you should allow yourself that room for regeneration that you need, so that when you do come back to the task you will come back with your full resources available and restored to their more optimal strength.

Now, it is the case that you will very often find that there is some confusion with respect to where your efforts might be best applied. We would say that these efforts, when there is not an obvious circumstance standing before you requiring your full attention, are well situated in the activity of working the remoter corner, shall we say, of your own heart where you feel that it is not fully available to you, or not fully open to your experience, or somewhat numb, which is a rather common experience in your stage of development. The numbness of the heart is a rather difficult circumstance to address, and it is very frequently the indication that there is a blockage of sorts, a personal difficulty relating to past issues not fully taken up, not allowed to be fully experienced. The acceleration of your planetary energies has brought many of these to the fore in such a way that it can seem to be overwhelming, and sometimes that, too, can cause a certain numbing effect so that you can feel quite paralyzed in relation to what seems to be required of you.

(...)

This, my friends, is what you need, for the healing energies that come through you from the earth itself will do a great deal of the work that needs to be done if you but let it. If you but let it, we say, while recognizing that this simple letting go, the simplicity of the open heart is, in fact, the most difficult work that you are called upon to do. The simple fact of allowing that which needs to be allowed—which, in many cases, comes to you with a tincture of pain needs only to be accepted, needs only to be allowed a part in that drama which is your life. When this does begin to happen with less and less obstruction, you will find that the pain that you need to experience in order to process those repressed portions of the self will become less and less over time, for the less that you resist that which pushes through for expression, the less that pain will build upon itself.

A trauma is an event which is so overwhelming that at its inception it presents too much catalyst to be taken in and processed, and while it is always more efficient to process catalyst just as it comes, there are very few who are able to process all catalyst in the immediacy of its presentation. And, therefore, the ability to find some means of address for energies that have become repressed is a skill which it serves you well to acquire.

There is an additional act that must be invoked in order to achieve a productive relation to repressed energy, and that is, in addition to the difficulty of the initial experience, one must find a way to forgive the self for not having been able to process that experience, so there is a second moment or a second element overlaid upon the first that now has to be part of the processing.

[1] secrete (verb): Meaning both "to release" and "to hide."

From Vocabulary.com: “When you squeeze a lemon, it secretes juice. When you stuff your money in a mattress, you secrete it there.”

[2] “the general admixture of energies which constitute your social matrix”: presumably referring to the relationships of your life, from family, friends, loved ones, colleagues, neighbors, frenemies, etc.

-`ღ´-

[Minyatur]

Not sure that helps, but what would work for me is to attempt to dissolve the barriers of my mind which separate self and other-selves, just as other-selves and other-selves.

Then there's no one separate expression of the One to dislike in contrast to separate expressions to like. There's a joint-expression of what you both can find to like and dislike, and then comes the work to see more fully that which you find to love in that which you don't and that which you don't in that which you do. See the Creator in all It is for what It is, which is not a single aspect or thing, but the whole truly always.

Traumatic energy sure is nasty of a thing, I wish you well on your path of healing and may all that which is wounded heal in time.

[rva_jeremy]

777, my advice would be to treat the poison as medicine. When the resistance comes up, don't worry about loving the other at that point. Instead, immediately switch to loving and comforting yourself. We who believe those two activities are actually the same activity ought to practice acting upon their equivalence!

There's nothing "wrong" with you. Being triggered is a sign that you're encountering something worthwhile, something that is good grist for the mill, but you have to be able to reckon with it in a balanced manner. You sound like you're doing an admirable, brave job. Give yourself the breathing room you need to let the balance happen to you and not simply force it.

Just the fact that you keep being willing to encounter this triggering over and over is doing good work, I guarantee you! That willingness, whether you realize it or not, _is love_. Give yourself a break and acknowledge that what you are doing is hard. Give the same love to yourself that you seek to give others. Nobody can be generous towards others after being hurt if they cannot be generous to themselves.

[Stranger]

Brother, I say without exaggeration that I am uniquely qualified to respond to your question due to my professional and personal experience.

You cannot love the people who have traumatized you until you've healed the trauma within yourself.  

When we are traumatized, it is as if a part of us remains stuck in the painful, intolerable traumatic situation.  For that part, time does not pass.  

That part's existence is pain, in two ways: first, although it can lie relatively dormant inside us, as soon as it is triggered (e.g., by contact with people who've traumatized us, or any reminder of the trauma), it is as if the traumatic situation never ended, and it is back to reliving it with full vivid emotion.  Second, even when not triggered, the presence of the traumatized part inside us can be perceived as physical pain.  In fact, if you were to focus on a particular painful memory and recall it to mind, you will most likely be able to notice where in your body that memory exists.  A traumatic memory is an energy blockage, as you have correctly noted.

Now you can understand why it is impossible to love the people who've traumatized you until the trauma has been healed.  While you're focusing your mind on the abuser and trying to love them, by doing so you're simultaneously awakening a terrified, younger part of you into the abuse situation which, for you, was in the past, but for the traumatized part of you is always in the present.  That part's reaction produces the emotions you experience as hatred toward them and yourself.

I have to go now but will continue this post later with information on how to heal trauma, so that you can begin to love yourself and the abusers from a healthy place.  In the meantime, lots of light to you.  You are strong.

Okay, to continue - healing trauma is actually a surprisingly straightforward process.  Only three ingredients are required:

Being present with the painful memory/emotion, from a place of safety, with compassion.

So, for example, when you think about one of these people who had hurt you, you said anger comes up.  Allow it to come up, without attempting to change it or make it stop.  Also, without judging yourself for being angry.  Then, simply continue to be present with it, in a compassionate way.  As you do this, over minutes to an hour it will begin to relax and dissipate.

This is the opposite of what we normally do.  Whenever negative emotion comes up, we want to make it go away; when very painful things have happened in our past, they are the last thing we ever want to think about.  Fighting or suppressing negative emotions and memories takes a lot of energy, and it doesn't work because they keep coming back.  Sitting with the negative emotion or memory, and bathing it in love heals it permanently.  

Realize that the negative emotion you're feeling is coming from a part of you that's been hurt, but wants very much to be healed.  It can only be healed by your love, and only by you.  So once the anger comes up, take a moment to notice how you're feeling towards the anger.  Is there any annoyance with it, fear of it, wanting to make it go away?  If so, let go of these feelings because you can't both attack it (with negativity) and heal it (with love) at the same time.  Let only compassionate concern for that part of you remain, and that's all it needs. 

This is the "active ingredient" in trauma therapies like EMDR and EFT (tapping).  Incidentally, there are videos online that teach you how to do both techniques; however, it sounds like you're dealing with some very painful experiences, and I would strongly recommend finding a practitioner to work with so that you are not doing it alone.  The reason for this has to do with feeling safe in the present, which I mentioned above as an essential part of the process.  You'll be allowing old emotions trapped in a part of yourself to rise to the surface of your awareness; if this begins to feel overwhelming it can be very helpful to have someone there with you to help you feel safe.

Feel free to reach out over PM!

[sjel]

In my own experience, it's the 'attempting to love' that fails every time. You don't actually do the loving. The loving comes up through you, and it pushes the blockages out of the way, like a river clogged with trees and debris that starts to flow again. None of the loving energy comes from yourself - so don't even try. Don't try to love anybody. You open yourself up to love and then it naturally happens.


[now my personal experience, the above paragraph is the most relevant to you, the below is my own recent struggles]
I'm actually going through a very intense 'pain-body' experience myself - but it feels like there is a complete absence of love energy in my body instead of blockages, strictly speaking. At night sometimes I will be lying on my back and it feels as if there is a tremendous scarcity of oxygen and energy, as if no breath I take is deep enough. When analyzing the energy field in my body it is a vacuum, devoid of life it feels like. However last night I decided to plunge DIRECTLY into this vacuum and let the lack-of-oxygen feeling overwhelm me (I knew I wasn't going to suffocate I was breathing!) and it turns out that this 'vacuum' is really just a very powerful, VERY deep rooted negative energy field that has been inside me for my whole lifetime. Sitting inside that feeling and completely opening myself up to it - not loving it, not 'sending light and love' or any of that, just allowing it to exist without reaction - DISSOLVES IT.

No effort on my part. Just lying there and letting the terrible feeling from a lifetime of unconsciousness and spiritual separation overwhelm me, and not reacting whatsoever. I could literally feel it dissolving, so slowly. It's going to take a while I can see, but now I know what to do. And I don't have to try to love it or any of that fluffy stuff. I just have to lay there and let it exist.

Hopefully this helps, but the top paragraph is most relevant to you haha I was just sharing my personal experience in the rest of the post.

[xise]

I believe that Ra calls 4D the density of "love or understanding" for a reason. Many do not appreciate this. While understanding reality may not be possible in 3D, I think understanding others is often possible, and it's an important part of loving others. Understanding why they may have chose the path they did and why they interacted with you the way they did, I've found, is very helpful to coming into acceptance and forgiveness. 

Maybe it could help you, if you haven't tried this sort of approach.

17.11 Questioner: Yes. What I meant to say was can you tell me if Jesus of Nazareth came from the Confederation before incarnation here?

Ra: I am Ra. The one known to you as Jesus of Nazareth did not have a name. This entity was a member of fifth* density of the highest level of that sub-octave. This entity was desirous of entering this planetary sphere in order to share the love vibration in as pure a manner as possible. Thus, this entity received permission to perform this mission. This entity was then a Wanderer of no name, of Confederation origins, of fifth* density, representing the fifth-density* understandingof the vibration of understanding or love.

* This should be fourth. Ra corrects the error in the next answer.

20.35 Questioner: What density Orion entity did the creation of these heads?

Ra: I am Ra. The fourth density, the density of love or understanding, was the density of the particular entity which offered this possibility to those of your first major cycle.

20.36 Questioner: You use the same nomenclature for fourth-density negative as for fourth-density positive. Both are called the dimension of love or understanding. Is this correct?

Ra: I am Ra. This is correct. Love and understanding, whether it be of self or of self towards other-self, is one.

[Stranger]

In my own experience, it's the 'attempting to love' that fails every time. You don't actually do the loving. The loving comes up through you, and it pushes the blockages out of the way, like a river clogged with trees and debris that starts to flow again. None of the loving energy comes from yourself - so don't even try. Don't try to love anybody. You open yourself up to love and then it naturally happens.

I think we're both talking about different aspects of the same thing.

The most essential foundation of working with trauma or blockage is to be present with it - allowing our conscious awareness to focus on it and stay there. That is what you're describing.

One can focus on either the memory of any aspect of the traumatic event, or the emotion associated with the trauma, or the physical sensation of tightness, pain or discomfort associated with it (this I'll call the blockage). It doesn't matter which you choose - all are manifestations of the same issue, an unprocessed catalyst. If the blockage came from a past life, there will likely not be a consciously accessible memory, but you can still focus on the emotion (e.g., a tendency to self-criticize or feel vulnerable) or the physical sensation. The key is still to focus on it and stay present with it for a period of time.

How we are present with it makes a big difference, however. If there's any negative emotion towards the trauma or blockage, healing will not take place. Wanting it gone, resenting it, fearing it, etc. - no healing will take place. These emotions represent a lack of acceptance of the catalyst, and lack of acceptance keeps it stuck inside.

The neutral state you've described, sjel, where there are no negative emotions toward the blockage, represents acceptance. You are correct that it will eventually dissolve the blockage/trauma, because with acceptance inherently comes some amount of love. This is, as you've mentioned, a slow process.

If you want to speed it up, send it love. If your capacity to love is what's blocked then, naturally, this will be difficult - but that doesn't mean it's not an effective strategy. If you think of a blockage as a part of your psyche frozen into a particular distorted shape, then love is very much like the heat of a stove that can thaw it and allow it to assume a healthier configuration.

Just as it takes a specific amount of heat to thaw a frozen shape of particular weight, so, too, the more significant the blockage, the more love will be needed to "thaw" it. The more efficiently you can do this, the faster it will dissolve.

So, to sum it up, there are four ways to relate to a blockage or traumatic memory:
1) Block it off, dissociate it, avoid thinking about it.
2) Be aware of it, but respond with fear, frustration, hatred, etc.
3) Be aware of it while remaining in a neutral emotional state
4) Be aware of it while feeling compassionate and kind caring toward the distorted part of self

1 & 2 keep it trapped inside, producing negative emotions and unhelpful thoughts whenever triggered.
3 begins to get the traumatized part of self to relax
4 allows it to quickly heal and integrate, as a now-healthy part of self, into you.

So what does it mean to "send love to the blockage?" I am guessing this is what people are struggling with, especially men I would guess. It's simple, actually. We've all had experience of compassionate love. Imagine holding a puppy - there's instinctive tenderness and caring, which may be accompanied by warmth in the center of your chest. That's the energy of love flowing through you. sjel is correct that you're not producing it - it's flowing through you - but you are actually choosing to have this happen. Now imagine the traumatized part of you/blockage there with the puppy, and focus the same feelings on it. Not too difficult. That's all there is to it.

I'll leave it here for now, with a brief note that dealing with our past (and past-life) accumulated junk is one of the most useful things one can do with one's free time. It's really like carrying an invisible bag of rocks on your back through life after life after life. Dump them and breathe easier, walking with a lighter step in whatever you do.

[Turtle]

Strictly speaking, forgiveness is the answer.  I doubt that's what you want to hear, but as long as you hold onto the pain in your heart, it will be a very slow road to healing.  I'd suggest trying to understand them better.  If not agreeing with what they did, at least understanding why they did it.  Or considering the pains which they must be suffering as a result of their (presumably) poor karma.

I know that this probably isn't an optimal answer, but it's not an easy situation.  I suspect that learning to love the "unloveable" is one of the great challenges for 4D growth while on Earth.

I think it is, you hit the nail right on the head. 

[Stranger]

Strictly speaking, forgiveness is the answer.  I doubt that's what you want to hear, but as long as you hold onto the pain in your heart, it will be a very slow road to healing.  I'd suggest trying to understand them better.  If not agreeing with what they did, at least understanding why they did it.  Or considering the pains which they must be suffering as a result of their (presumably) poor karma.

I know that this probably isn't an optimal answer, but it's not an easy situation.  I suspect that learning to love the "unloveable" is one of the great challenges for 4D growth while on Earth.

I think it is, you hit the nail right on the head. 

I know you guys both mean very well, but for the sake of people who are dealing with traumatic memories I need to jump in here.  Traumatic experience creates profound physiological changes in the body and the brain, which mirrors distortions created in the energy bodies.  Once this has occurred, choosing to forgive is somewhat helpful but does not resolve the issue.  The OP here, 777 is trying to not only forgive but even love his abusers, but unless the traumatic experience is healed it is simply not possible to just "choose to forgive" and move on for reasons which I explained in my first post here.

It is therefore counterproductive to suggest that forgiving is the answer, in the same way it's counterproductive to tell a depressed person to "just snap out of it" or tell someone with a broken leg "just walk."  Although not intended as such, it can come across as victim-blaming, implying that the victim is not a sufficiently forgiving person, when that has literally nothing to do with it.

Most people with trauma are not trying to hold a grudge.  In fact, they are desperately trying to move past their experience, like 777 here, and heal.  This can indeed be achieved, but not through any facile answer.  It takes understanding of the healing process to get there. 

[Nía]

L/L just posted a lovely Hatonn quote on Facebook that is somewhat relating to the topics in this thread - especially if you include yourself and your traumatized parts in the list of whom, or what, needs comfort and rest:

When you see that love distorted around you, when you see anger, when you see global anger, or when you see personal anger, when you see fear, trepidation, unhappiness, all of the negative emotions, be they small or great, if you are looking with the knowledge that all things are love then you can see that all these things are distortions of a basic vibration of love. And that which is unlovely you can have compassion for. And that which is difficult you can surround with your own desire to give comfort and rest to those things around you which need comfort and rest. You cannot do this from the stores of your own love, for they are but limited, my friends. You can only do this when you make contact with the source of all that is. We are speaking of that one experience which is the source of all experience, that one love which is the source of all love, that one Thought which is the source of you and this channel and we ourselves as we speak through this channel.

-`ღ´-

[GentleWanderer]

_________

[AnthroHeart]

GentleWanderer, I would also add that when you become aware of the emotion/feeling that's causing angst or upheaval from the subconscious, to step back and become an observer. Just let it be ok, and be curious of it. Don't think of it as bad or good, or judge it. Eventually these feelings will clear themselves. Then you can raise the bar on what gets to you. Meditation is really good at doing this.

[777]

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[Sacred Fool]

777, if it should ever come to pass that you become interested in help with this condition, I highly recommend you find a copy of The Body Keeps the Score by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk.  The author is a pioneer in the treatment of PTSD, and part of the book chronicles the history of research in that field as well as the struggle to get it recognized as an official diagnosis.  He goes into much detail about how trauma functions in the body and he discusses current treatments.  Reading this could give you a better sense of how it affects your system, as well as how finding a skilled healer could help you change your life in a big way.  I wish you all the best in your journey.

[777]

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[anagogy]

On top of the extremely difficult tasks required, under heavy duress.

What sort of tasks?

[777]

deleted

[Minyatur]

An interesting aspect to the thought of people who are apparently impossible to love, is the subjectivity of how each will feel this about different kind of people. I'm pretty sure that if I took 10 people and put them in a room to decide the 10 worst kind of people by order, it'd be somewhat hard to find a consensus. You might have people yelling at others that a certain thing is worse than what they are angrily also defending to be worst in contrast.

What lies about the turmoils of subjectivity? Unity.

[Glow]

Seeking advice on this.

I have an extremely difficult time trying to love people who I have a ton of extremely negative traumas associated with. Thinking of them just brings up my PTSD.

Whenever I make a breakthrough and open my heart, a later unrelated situation usually pops up and activates my PTSD, bringing me back to that cycle of negative emotion towards myself, the people aforementioned, and the world.

It's a catch 22, because not loving these people apparently creates energetic and karmic blocks that severely restrict my life, light, and progress.

Attempting to love these people just brings up horrible and brutal memories that end up making me hate them and myself. It may even be leaving me vulnerable to psychic attack from these people, who are possibly still very unpleasant at this point in time.

Hi 777 I have been thinking of the different ways to reply to this. I can relate to a lot you have written.

Just recently though I experienced a very polite smack back to awareness about this specific issue.
Love isn't an action so first you can love people and yet never need see them again.

If that isn't your goal I would like to share something. Have you met your soul energy yet? If you can sit in meditation and feel that overwhelming love, that feeling words cannot describe that is you, rather you are its projection.

That real you can love anything. If you want to love but can't, call in that energy and see what it shows you about the petty ways we hurt one another. It loves all so deeply it is like none of the transgressions ever happened. If I feel conflicted about a way someone has treated me I call in that energy and it dissolves. Again there is no need to keep exposing yourself to people but you can love because it is your true state without all these wounds life brings us. Still you aren't wounded, just your ego, and the ego dissolves in that soul energy too.

Not sure that helps but thought I would share just in case.

[Glow]

An interesting aspect to the thought of people who are apparently impossible to love, is the subjectivity of how each will feel this about different kind of people. I'm pretty sure that if I took 10 people and put them in a room to decide the 10 worst kind of people by order, it'd be somewhat hard to find a consensus. You might have people yelling at others that a certain thing is worse than what they are angrily also defending to be worst in contrast.

What lies about the turmoils of subjectivity? Unity.

I find it useful to imagine I have been blinded by some wound or ego issue and have perpetrated any act I have trouble accepting.
If I suddenly awoke from that stupor of blindness I would feel such regret and I would be so grateful that I was still loved and not only forgiven but absolved of any wrong doing while in the previously blinded state.

Truth is that is the reality. We are all blind to something, some are more blind then we can even imagine.
Since we are all one there is no way once the blindness was removed we would still behave in such hurtful ways.

Judge not lest the be judged is quite accurate. We are all, we just aren't all seeing clearly, and none in 3d see perfectly clear.

[Sacred Fool]

That's part of the reason why it took me a year to consider reading The Law of One, and why I thought I might be the wanderer forced onto the negative path. This was such a dark experience and it left me with such a twisted view of "service," that it feels almost like it was programmed to make me allergic to positivity.

Glad you're out of that and have some perspective on it now.  Note: what got tweaked there was your personality, not your being.

After finding your way to some pathway of "decontamination" (again, that van der Kolk book gives a very useful sense of how trauma operates in the body and mind), to answer questions of positive/negative and love/not love, you'll need to find your way into your heart in a balanced way.  You'll find clarity there as well as support, but again, the key is a balanced approach to surrendering all aspects of personality to the reach that crucial goal within your being.....assuming that's where you want to go.

Best wishes.

[Coordinate_Apotheosis]

As someone who has been told I'm impossible to love, I'd like to make some commentary on possible solutions for you.

I've had as a majority of my catalyst in life, women mistreating me.  From using me to manipulating me to stealing from me to taking away my son to my own mother's periodic neglect and control issues.

Of it all I've found that it wasn't forgiveness that pushed me away from becoming misogynistic so much as understanding of their circumstances.

For instance, at a young age I knew an older girl who was hitting puberty and used me to satisfy her curiosity of the male body with complete complete disregard for how embarrassing it felt for me or how traumatic is was to get basically manhandled by a girl.
She had a highly religious Christian mother who didn't even let her watch certain tv shows and a sexually abusive biological father who did to her basically what she did to me.
For that I don't blame her, I understand why she did what she did.  With that understanding in place, forgiving her seemed downright logical.

Another instance, the first love of my life, a girl named Ashley in 8th grade.  I was crazy happy with her and how she'd cling to me or do things with me like go on walks or hang out and watch me play games.
Then suddenly without warning she stopped talking to me for two years.  I later found out I had apparently closed up to her (which looking back I did at the time since my parents went through a nasty divorce involving police and restraining order's and alcohol) and the best part was her friend (see above mentioned girl) everyday would tell me for one of those two years that she knew why Ashley stopped talking to me, but wouldn't tell me.
Turns out Ashley has a very controlling, and somewhat verbally abusive mother and a father who didn't give two craps about her.  My closing up on her hurt her pretty badly and it took her years to forgive me.

With that understanding, albeit it was completely unfair to me to treat me in such a way and not even hint or suggest as to why, I still came to an understanding that that was who, and how she is, and we're not friends anymore but that's because in my forgiving her, I realized that I didn't deserve such treatment.  Friends communicate, they talk, they discuss things, she always had me guessing everything, 13 years of trying to get her to open up to me culminated in her telling me that she didn't trust me or see me as a bestfriend.  I forgave her but also chose to no longer be subject to her games of watching me try to be someone she could rely on when she never intended to let that happen.
The lesson there was I deserve friends who won't make me waste my time in a fruitless endeavor to be a good friend to them.  I feel bad still ending the friendship but that's just what happens when you end a 13 year old friendship.

Another instance was a girl I dated for a month but chased after for two years.  She lied to me, and manipulated me, used me for my money, and would tell me that she'd end up being with me because I was so good to her and made her life so much better and that she loved me but just 'was not sure what to do'.  So then she'd date a guy for a few months, use him for his money and for sex then she'd dip then do it to some other guy.  It took a $500 Valentine's day FULL DAY PLANNED OUT date to get her to say yes to my asking her out.  She then proceeded to bang my bestfriend (who she'd already done it with prior) And then told me she didn't love me and wanted to break up and not be friends anymore.
After an apology years later and a few promising hangouts she talked me into letting her borrow some of my unused furniture sitting in the garage.  Once she had it at her place, she disappeared and hasn't talked to me since.

I'm still discovering the lessons involved in all of that but overall there's an underlying understanding to be had.  Her father is basically rich (no joke) but he treats her like crap and his fiancee is a mentally unstable physically abusive person that she had to grow up living with.  Her mother is a hobo, who used her for money and food in exchange for motherly love, who had her daughter paying her bills for her, and further she was extremely controlling in lovey manipulative ways, and basically her daughter learned from the best.

With all of that in mind, its no wonder she did to me what she did.  And while I know if I ever see her again I'll need to hold back a need to yell at her for using me, i know that she's damaged, and I know better now than to trust her ever again.   On top of that forgiving her was for my sake and sanity, and had nothing to do with her.  The understanding of her situation made it easier to empathize and thus forgive.

Then there's the mother of my son, and my own mother.  Those themes are much more inundated with complications.  Further it sounds like the difficulty factor partially reaches your situation with that mentor you spoke of.

What is that person's background story?  Is there a reason for why they are the way they are?

And finally, on top of trying to find understanding there was a very important concept I had to constanty keep in mind.  What about their soul?  Surely their soul were it aware in the human body, wouldn't have done the things it had done to others.  Am I judging for forgiveness their humanity, or their soul?

I like to think the soul knows better, and further I like to think Humanity was made so...disturbing to be forgiven.  Here in this land of confusion, all we have is ourselves, and so if we are so profoundly confused as to not realize that we do need each other to live full lives, then where will anything ever get better but in inconsequentially small increments?

You're not tasked to judge, yet instinctually that capacity is built in to us.  You're not expected to be as your soul self yet it is a goal we all are supposed to strive for.

In the heat of anger, frustration, madness, the only solution is to offer kindness and consideration for the person, and to do so without letting them hurt you is fair as well.

The important part is that you look the animal of darkness that is hatred in the eyes with kindness, and attempt to understand its suffering.

I mean...Wouldn't you want that if you were in their situation?

[Coordinate_Apotheosis]

And in case that's tl;dr

1. Seek understanding of their situation and background
2. Consider their soul self
3. Kill them with kindness
4. Forgive others for yourself through understanding of their circumstances
5. Treat others in the heat of the moment the way you'd want them to treat you, without expectation of the same treatment in return.

Because i really need to try to be more succinct lol

These are also just suggestions that I've found useful for myself, I hope they can help you too somehow.

[777]

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[Aion]

Be patient with yourself, maybe you're expecting too much? There is no finish line. It is no race to see who can love everyone first. If you feel negative emotions you need to let them be as they are first, don't try and change them in to love. If you feel anger, feel the anger. If you feel hate, feel the hate. Don't brush your emotions under the carpet just because they don't seem 'loving' enough, that's the brainwashing.