OK I found it. Convoluted Universe Book I, "The Mechanical Person".
You can find the whole thing here: http://tr1.tc/?Q=976
But here's a quote.
I'm quite sure there was another account of a similar soul-machine hybrid elsewhere in Cannon's work, even more heartbreaking.
You can find the whole thing here: http://tr1.tc/?Q=976
But here's a quote.
Dolores Cannon Wrote:J: Yeah. And we enter that and the capsule is closed, and the capsule goes where we're
supposed to go. And it has to be rather heat proof as well, even more than we are
somehow. Because otherwise it's not going to bring us back.
D: They have to bring you back with information?
J: Right. We have an automatic registration of information. It goes through the eyes.
D: Does that record information in some way, like data or something? (Yeah.) What do you
do when you get to the place?
J: It lands there. We have to go through the heat. And travel around in the heat, and see
what's underneath. And if there are people, or not, what there is.
D: Like a heat barrier, you mean? (Yeah, yeah.) And you land there to see if there's life?
J: And if there's life, and what kind. So they can be prepared in case they manage to go
through the heat. So they can either possess the planet or explore it. And if not, they
better not do it. So they get this kind of information.
D: If it's the kind of place they could go to and survive.
J: Yeah. And that's why we need the soul as well, because we can feel as well if it's
pleasant, or if the people are good or bad.
D: A machine wouldn't be able to do that. (No) A machine could record information, but it
couldn't give them things that they need to know.
J: Yeah. But there's also a disadvantage about it. Because we have soul - okay, maybe it is
only ten or twenty percent - but we have it. Which means we have all the emotions
which go with that. Which means we feel things like attraction amongst each other. D:
You mean each other as a machine?
J: Yeah. And maybe even with other creatures from other planets. There could be other
ones which are similar enough to create an attraction. And of course, we're not
supposed to live or feel that. We don't have any reproduction organs. They've blocked
that. They made us, but we feel all the feelings. That's very strange.
D: That's one of the disadvantages?
J: Yes, because we suffer from that. And also for them it's something they don't understand.
They have to deal with it when we come back. And we don't want to do our task,
because we've met somebody. It is very difficult.
D: Because that part of the soul has an attraction, a feeling.
J: (Sadly) They actually are very cruel to us, because they prove to us that there is no hope.
And they do things with our bodies, funny things. Because we think there might be a
chance if they give us something inside. If they make it proper, we could actually do
this. We could have connections like they have. We could be in love, and have a family
and stuff, but they are not prepared to do that. On the contrary, they laugh. They do
things with me. You know, they put something through, like a screw-driver, and they
say, "Look, there's nothing in it. It's ridiculous. It's just metallic. You don't have
anything. There can't be any feeling." But it's like a phantom pain. We have it, because
we think we have something that is fruitful there, because of the soul part. They
probably don't quite realize what it must be like. And they think, "Oh, they're just
machines." But we aren't. We have all the needs. It's only to a minor degree maybe, a
lesser degree, but in our own way we have these needs. And they don't allow us to live
it.
[...]
D: Well, do you feel happiness or joy with your work? Do you have those kind of
emotions?
J: I have a sense of duty. I don't really have joy with the work. I'm doing it because I'm
supposed to be doing it.
D: You're programmed to do it.
J: Yes, and it's what I'm supposed to be doing, so that's right. It feels right to be doing it,
but it's not something that gives me anything in particular.
D: So you can't say you like your work. You're just doing it.
J: Yeah. I also don't dislike it. You just do it.
D: So what do you do whenever you finish exploring the planet?
J: We come back, and they take the information out. And sometimes they give us a bit of a
rest, and oil us and stuff. Sometimes we immediately go back to somewhere else.
D: Because you don't get tired like they would.
J: No, we just get emotionally tired inside, if that's what you call it. But they don't know
anyway.
D: You don't have anyway to communicate and tell them about your feelings.
J: Yes, we can, but we're not supposed to. They make fun if we'd say we want such-andsuch.
They laugh, because we are only about ten percent human. You know if you want
to say that, and we're not supposed to. They don't realize what they've given us. It's a
much broader thing, a gift or whatever, than they realize.
D: I wonder if they knew if it would make a difference.
J: No, because they would want to control us. They have us only because of what they
want.
D.• I thought it might make a difference if they really knew.
J: The only thing I could think that could happen is, instead of poking around in our lower
parts of the body, they'd simply fill it up with some sort of impenetrable metallic thing.
And they would laugh again, and say, "Look, now it's in there. That's what you've got.
You've got nothing."
D: I thought because they can't really know what you're feeling, that might be one of the
reasons they can't do anything about it.
J: No, they don't want to. Whenever we say something, whatever it's about, if it's not to do
with the task, they just laugh.
D: You said if one wears out they have to create another one. What happens to that human
part? Is that transferred to the new one?
J: I think so. It's going into the other one.
D: So they don 't have to do it again?
J: No, everybody only gives a donation once.
D: And then whenever the body rusts out or wears out....
J: Yeah, or whatever it is. They just put it into the next one.
I'm quite sure there was another account of a similar soul-machine hybrid elsewhere in Cannon's work, even more heartbreaking.