Wanderer? My Transformation Story

[Ree33]

First, I should say that for most of my life I have depended on my logical mind for guidance although I’ve always felt a sense that there was more.  I have always felt drawn towards service and thus decided to go to medical school (from which I graduated several weeks ago).  Medical school was very difficult for me, not in the typical sense with book-learning/exams, but with dealing with death, grief, and suffering.  By the start of my 4th year, I felt burnt out and dreaded residency.  Until 7 months ago, I was very naive to esoteric thinking and spirituality.  I was raised Christian, but rejected it (and all religions) wholeheartedly when I saw the corruption in my family’s church.  

At my medical school, we had the opportunity to set up our own rotations in various fields throughout the country during our 4th year.  I set up a month-long rotation in integrative medicine (IM).  This rotation was very transformative in its own way but as I neared the end, I still felt the dread of returning to “normal” medicine.  At the time, I had no idea how my life would never be the same  

On my plane ride back home I started feeling odd sensations in my feet.  They felt like tiny wheels of vibration at various joints in my feet which would come and go.  Being a medical student, I, of course, went through a differential for possible causes… diabetes, toxin exposure, Lyme disease, etc.  The sensation continued and progressively intensified.  I started feeling it in my hands as well.  Congruently, I noticed a drastic change in my outlook on life.  I felt joy that I had never experienced before.  Rather than meditating “for my health,” I meditated because I loved it.  I felt fluidity in my presence being able to expand my consciousness vertically and horizontally as I willed.  My husband noticed a change in me as well.  He still refers to me as pre-IM rotation me and post-IM rotation me.  He’s not very open-minded with spiritual thinking, but he can’t deny that I am now a better person and so much happier, and as such he’s been supportive.

I still don’t know what triggered this change.  Back-tracking a bit in my timeline… My primary attending (/instructor) for this integrative medicine rotation was an MD/energy healer who is quite brilliant and has a loving presence.  She is quite well-known in her field, and she was someone who I immediately admired, respected, and had a kinship for.  She taught us heart-centered meditation (similar to that as described by Brugh Joy, MD) which I started practicing during my IM rotation.  On a one-on-one encounter with her she taught me psychic protection as I had a concern about this based on what we had been learning and what I had been experiencing.  She told me that I was “sensitive, in a refined way.”  I didn’t know what this meant and didn’t ask her - I certainly did not feel refined and in my naivety took it to mean that I was a well-mannered person (I was even a little slighted by the term “sensitive” as this tends to have a negative connotation when talking about emotions).  The last day of the rotation, we, as a group of medical students, did a farewell ceremony to break the bond we had created as well as say our good-byes.  At the start of it, I noticed my attending looking at my aura.  After hugging her good-bye, she pressed her forehead to mine, looked into my eyes, and smiled.  After, I asked some of the other students what it meant when she did that to us, and one of my classmates said, “She only did that to you.”  At the time, I didn’t think too much about it other than it was a nice gesture of friendship and perhaps she felt compassion for me.  When I started experiencing the aforementioned changes, however, I started doing a lot of reading and research on energy medicine (again, I was very naive to esoteric thinking, energy healing, chakras etc before my IM experience).  I learned that this attending had been trained by someone who does Deeksha/Onesness Blessing, and this involves the third eye as well as eye contact.  I wonder if what I'm experiencing is a kundalini awakening.

The vibrations I felt in my hand and feet gradually have become diffuse (versus isolated “wheels”) and can be felt throughout my body.  The vibrations will vary in intensity depending what I would consider to be my spiritual state at any given moment.  I feel as if I have been unraveling in a way… becoming less and less restricted and more who I really am.  I have a greater understanding of life and balance.  And I an unbelievable capacity to love. It’s like I’m newly in love with someone…but it’s everything and everyone.  This love has become more and more powerful these past 7 months as I continue to practice heart centered meditation.  I started gaining periodic wisdom and intuition from some part of myself that I now know of as my Higher Self.  

This week I happened upon the Law of One books (learned through a podcast).  My logical brain thinks its all fake, but I can’t deny what resonates with me anymore.  I still have much to learn and read from it. I don’t know what I am - wanderer or otherwise.  I feel a strong sense that I need to help others, and that I have much to do in this life.  

I share my story (for the first time publically) because I seek community, as I feel very much alone with all this and the changes I’ve been experiencing.  The medical community is generally not open to this kind of thinking.  While those who I’ve shared this with have been amazingly supportive, I still long for like-minded and hopefully others who have experienced something similar.  I would also appreciate any insight anyone might have as to what could be going on/could've happened to me.

Thank you for reading this very lengthy post! <3

[hounsic]

Thanks for sharing and welcome. Look forward to hearing more of your perspective.

[xise]

Welcome to this wild ride

[flofrog]

Welcome Rée to the wild ride as xise says !

[REMTravel]

Ree, thank you very much for sharing your story. I am a 3rd year med student and ask if you could share any information on this rotation - I would love to do an away there as well.

[Ree33]

(06-20-2018, 10:29 AM)REMTravel Wrote:  Ree, thank you very much for sharing your story. I am a 3rd year med student and ask if you could share any information on this rotation - I would love to do an away there as well.

REMTravel - I just sent you a message with more info

[ada]

Hello Ree33, and a warm welcome to you.

Thank you for sharing your story open heartedly with us.

How far have you gone through in the Law of One material?

[Ree33]

(06-23-2018, 03:06 PM)blossom Wrote:  Hello Ree33, and a warm welcome to you.

Thank you for sharing your story open heartedly with us.

How far have you gone through in the Law of One material?

Thank you blossom!

As of today, I had read through session 18. Using the study guide and lawofone.info database; however, I've read some parts in other sessions as well.

[Infinite Unity]

(06-17-2018, 07:46 PM)Ree33 Wrote:  First, I should say that for most of my life I have depended on my logical mind for guidance although I’ve always felt a sense that there was more.  I have always felt drawn towards service and thus decided to go to medical school (from which I graduated several weeks ago).  Medical school was very difficult for me, not in the typical sense with book-learning/exams, but with dealing with death, grief, and suffering.  By the start of my 4th year, I felt burnt out and dreaded residency.  Until 7 months ago, I was very naive to esoteric thinking and spirituality.  I was raised Christian, but rejected it (and all religions) wholeheartedly when I saw the corruption in my family’s church.  

At my medical school, we had the opportunity to set up our own rotations in various fields throughout the country during our 4th year.  I set up a month-long rotation in integrative medicine (IM).  This rotation was very transformative in its own way but as I neared the end, I still felt the dread of returning to “normal” medicine.  At the time, I had no idea how my life would never be the same  

On my plane ride back home I started feeling odd sensations in my feet.  They felt like tiny wheels of vibration at various joints in my feet which would come and go.  Being a medical student, I, of course, went through a differential for possible causes… diabetes, toxin exposure, Lyme disease, etc.  The sensation continued and progressively intensified.  I started feeling it in my hands as well.  Congruently, I noticed a drastic change in my outlook on life.  I felt joy that I had never experienced before.  Rather than meditating “for my health,” I meditated because I loved it.  I felt fluidity in my presence being able to expand my consciousness vertically and horizontally as I willed.  My husband noticed a change in me as well.  He still refers to me as pre-IM rotation me and post-IM rotation me.  He’s not very open-minded with spiritual thinking, but he can’t deny that I am now a better person and so much happier, and as such he’s been supportive.

I still don’t know what triggered this change.  Back-tracking a bit in my timeline… My primary attending (/instructor) for this integrative medicine rotation was an MD/energy healer who is quite brilliant and has a loving presence.  She is quite well-known in her field, and she was someone who I immediately admired, respected, and had a kinship for.  She taught us heart-centered meditation (similar to that as described by Brugh Joy, MD) which I started practicing during my IM rotation.  On a one-on-one encounter with her she taught me psychic protection as I had a concern about this based on what we had been learning and what I had been experiencing.  She told me that I was “sensitive, in a refined way.”  I didn’t know what this meant and didn’t ask her - I certainly did not feel refined and in my naivety took it to mean that I was a well-mannered person (I was even a little slighted by the term “sensitive” as this tends to have a negative connotation when talking about emotions).  The last day of the rotation, we, as a group of medical students, did a farewell ceremony to break the bond we had created as well as say our good-byes.  At the start of it, I noticed my attending looking at my aura.  After hugging her good-bye, she pressed her forehead to mine, looked into my eyes, and smiled.  After, I asked some of the other students what it meant when she did that to us, and one of my classmates said, “She only did that to you.”  At the time, I didn’t think too much about it other than it was a nice gesture of friendship and perhaps she felt compassion for me.  When I started experiencing the aforementioned changes, however, I started doing a lot of reading and research on energy medicine (again, I was very naive to esoteric thinking, energy healing, chakras etc before my IM experience).  I learned that this attending had been trained by someone who does Deeksha/Onesness Blessing, and this involves the third eye as well as eye contact.  I wonder if what I'm experiencing is a kundalini awakening.

The vibrations I felt in my hand and feet gradually have become diffuse (versus isolated “wheels”) and can be felt throughout my body.  The vibrations will vary in intensity depending what I would consider to be my spiritual state at any given moment.  I feel as if I have been unraveling in a way… becoming less and less restricted and more who I really am.  I have a greater understanding of life and balance.  And I an unbelievable capacity to love. It’s like I’m newly in love with someone…but it’s everything and everyone.  This love has become more and more powerful these past 7 months as I continue to practice heart centered meditation.  I started gaining periodic wisdom and intuition from some part of myself that I now know of as my Higher Self.  

This week I happened upon the Law of One books (learned through a podcast).  My logical brain thinks its all fake, but I can’t deny what resonates with me anymore.  I still have much to learn and read from it.  I don’t know what I am - wanderer or otherwise.  I feel a strong sense that I need to help others, and that I have much to do in this life.  

I share my story (for the first time publically) because I seek community, as I feel very much alone with all this and the changes I’ve been experiencing.  The medical community is generally not open to this kind of thinking.  While those who I’ve shared this with have been amazingly supportive, I still long for like-minded and hopefully others who have experienced something similar.  I would also appreciate any insight anyone might have as to what could be going on/could've happened to me.

Thank you for reading this very lengthy post! <3

Soo cool. Great story, I would agree that it is kundalini activation. In my own personal opinion, you are undergoing the great way of the body. Many entities are walking this path right now. What is your diet like? Have you changed how you eat? I am just curious. From my own small experience, this transformation comes in waves/stages. There will be dark times, arisen your spirit and come through. Faith/hope.

[Ree33]

[/quote]

Soo cool. Great story, I would agree that it is kundalini activation.  In my own personal opinion, you are undergoing the great way of the body. Many entities are walking this path right now. What is your diet like? Have you changed how you eat? I am just curious. From my own small experience, this transformation comes in waves/stages. There will be dark times, arisen your spirit and come through. Faith/hope.
[/quote]

It has come in waves. It feels as if layer by layer more is uncovered. I feel like I'm becoming my true self (versus me becoming someone new). Sometimes that layer involves physical healing - such as the neck pain that I used to get - other times it involves more emotional healing from past experiences. I also gain greater general understanding in layers. I now feel very connected to my higher self as well.

What do you mean by dark times? Is this based on your own experience?

I do eat healthier.. although I will say that I've always been a healthy eater. I find that foods don't taste as they used to though. For example, some foods are too sweet or salty. I was a pesco vegetarian prior to this and continue this diet. I honestly eat mostly vegan.. not necessarily intentionally but find I feel best when I eat lots of fresh veggies and avoid processed food. I eat a lot of salads, stir fry, nuts, fruits. More strikingly in my diet; however, is that I have almost completely given up alcohol. I just find I am happier without it. No judgements of others who enjoy it of course! It's interesting because after a "wave" I find myself eating more food and craving food in its more natural form.

I just want to say also that my intention for sharing my story was by no mean to brag! (I just re-read my original post) I am grateful every day for my experience, and I am devoting my life to help others find a path towards healing - body and spirit.

[REMTravel]

Quote:It has come in waves.  It feels as if layer by layer more is uncovered.  I feel like I'm becoming my true self (versus me becoming someone new).  Sometimes that layer involves physical healing - such as the neck pain that I used to get - other times it involves more emotional healing from past experiences.  I also gain greater general understanding in layers.  I now feel very connected to my higher self as well.

What do you mean by dark times?  Is this based on your own experience?

I do eat healthier.. although I will say that I've always been a healthy eater.  I find that foods don't taste as they used to though. For example, some foods are too sweet or salty.  I was a pesco vegetarian prior to this and continue this diet.  I honestly eat mostly vegan.. not necessarily intentionally but find I feel best when I eat lots of fresh veggies and avoid processed food.  I eat a lot of salads, stir fry, nuts, fruits.  More strikingly in my diet; however, is that I have almost completely given up alcohol.  I just find I am happier without it.  No judgements of others who enjoy it of course!  It's interesting because after a "wave" I find myself eating more food and craving food in its more natural form.  

I just want to say also that my intention for sharing my story was by no mean to brag! (I just re-read my original post)  I am grateful every day for my experience, and I am devoting my life to help others find a path towards healing - body and spirit.

Ree

Your post and thread resonate so much.

I struggled with alcohol abuse for years and am now more than 3 weeks sober - nothing crazy for most, but for me its a lot. I have also had deeply insightful experiences in the last few weeks about my identity - or true self, as you said. For the first time, I find myself considering my actions and words rather than impulsively acting. Many of these changes I attribute to the following quote from Session 15:

Quote:15.12 Questioner: How does an individual go about balancing himself? What is the first step?

Ra: I am Ra. The steps are only one; that is, an understanding of the energy centers which make up the mind/body/spirit complex. This understanding may be briefly summarized as follows. The first balancing is of the Malkuth, or Earth, vibratory energy complex, called the red-ray complex. An understanding and acceptance of this energy is fundamental. The next energy complex, which may be blocked is the emotional, or personal complex, also known as the orange-ray complex. This blockage will often demonstrate itself as personal eccentricities or distortions with regard to self-conscious understanding or acceptance of self.

The third blockage resembles most closely that which you have called ego. It is the yellow-ray or solar plexus center. Blockages in this center will often manifest as distortions towards power manipulation and other social behaviors concerning those close and those associated with the mind/body/spirit complex.

Thank you for reading

[DRabbitt]

Ree33, kudos to you for speaking up, finding a community and reading some of the most amazing books available. My story is some 70 years long and I don't recall the first 4. The most difficult part for me was understanding one concept from another. I knew what I could do, was doing and in trying to find out the "what" they were I found that the words were a huge problem. Kundalini? Perhaps but is it really important to have a name to a gift? These confusions seriously threw me off until I found I could intuit my truth, we all have this ability once we sever the cultural ties that demand instant understanding and agreement. Your higher self will assist you as will others just for the asking. The most important thing is to revere your oneness with the infinite and get your experiences for your learning and find a higher and higher integrity to yourself and others. Love