My journey of understanding
11-30-2018, 10:04 AM,
My journey of understanding
I now understand who i am, though it has been a long journey for me to truly accept and embrace the truth. I am a wanderer from the fifth density, it has taken me years to acknowledge that, but i now know it to be the truth.

My childhood wasnt great, my home life consisted of an alcoholic mother, and emotionally unavailable father and a sociopathic brother. I spent my entire childhood being an emotional punching bag for my mother, trying to keep my father from making her depression worse with his inappropriate and biting comments, and trying to stop my brother from destroying our entire family. It was no easy task, but i managed to succeed, my mother has stopped drinking, my dad is opening up and my brother is far away and of no more concern to my parents. It's funny to look back and realise my service to others began at such a young age, i remember a councellor asking me who the parent was and if I realised that i was forfeiting my childhood in order to fix my disfunctional family life, at 12 i replied that it was the only choice and one i made peacefully. Though i spent my childhood alone, i was never actually alone, i was connected to spirit from a very young age and conversed with many entities, who comforted me and gave me some release. Though at the time i was not aware of who they were or who i was, it gave me some hope. School was no better for me, i was the oddball, the poor kid, the one that did not conform. I had absolutely no interest in fashion or tv shows, i simply wanted to spend my time in trees and fields, in my own mind, as I didn't understand the nature of people, and so i receded into nature. It led to a very lonely existance which inevitably led to a breakdown when i was 18. During this time i totally went off the rails, i drank, i self harmed, and attempted suicide on many occasions. I just didn't feel right where i was, i desperately wanted to "go home" with no conception of where home was. I was given counselling, which revealed a lot of repressed memories of abuse; sexual, physical, emotional and mental. I processed through them all, and came out of the other side, a much more laid back and settled individual. The whole experience allowed me to break through social barriers, i no longer cared what people thought of me, or about fitting in, i was happy to be the oddball as I finally felt comfortable with who i was

Several years later i found out i was pregnant, an accidental pregnancy, though my partner and i were thrilled. It was devestating when i found out that i had had what was known as a silent miscarriage. Upon losing my baby i began to feel a presence around me, similar to what i had felt as a child, this presence opened a door i had slammed shut as a youth. I knew this presence was my child. A tarot reader mentioned a spirit following me, and told me to be careful in the future as this spirit was desperate to incarnate and would take any available opportunity. I met a new partner 2 years later, who was interested to hear about my spiritual encounters and i talked to him about my little spirit. He would often ask where she was and i'd tell him. One day shortly after my birthday i mentioned that the spirit had disappeared, and that i hadn't felt its presence around me for a while. 6 weeks to the day of me mentioning the absense of the spirit i discovered that i was pregnant. It was a surprise as i'd done everything right and really, it should not have been possible to have conceived her. She had finally found a body to inhabit.

I was a very big meditator, and meditated every night prior to sleep. About 5 months into my pregnancy, my meditation threw me into a vision, dreamlike in how vivid it was, though i was fully alert. I was walking along a road surrounded by forest. In the distance i noticed a tunnel, which i proceeded to walk to. Once in the tunnel it was pitch black, save for a tiny glimmer of light (i know the irony of the light at the end of the tunnel) i walked toward it and it progressively got bigger and bigger until i was completely engulfed in this light, i was suspended in it, there was no up or down no direction. Just pure light. A figure appeared and moved toward me, humanoid in form, with long slender limbs, he was constructed of blue light. I was pretty terrified at this point, but he told me not to be frightened, he didn't speak as such it was telepathic. He then touched my third eye, then my heart and then my swollen stomach, when he touched my stomach i was hurtled into another vision, in which there was a little girl, blond hair and blue eyes running around in a field smiling brilliantly at me. Then the vision stopped abruptly. I wondered who the girl was, as with my dark hair and dark eyes it seemed impossible to me my daughter would be the polar opposite. Not to mention i was convinced i was having a boy. But sure enough my daughter looks exactly the same at 5 as the girl in the vision looked.

Following this, the same entity visited me regularly, he showed me my true home, a beautiful planet with a pink sky and 2 moons, he showed me visions of my decision to leave and the discussions that came of it. That he had warned me of the dangers of earth, that i might never remember who i was, and that i may not be able to go home straight away, i didn't agree, and so i was settled that i would incarnate in order to assist earth. I was also visited by other entities along the way, and have now gained the company of 7 angels who assist and guide me however they can.

For the last 6 years i have researched these concepts to death, a part of me convinced it was all a delusion. Though deep down i knew it was all true, a part of me feared i was just making it up. Then i discovered the Law of One, which laid out the same things my blue friend had said to me years before i discovered the chanellings. I couldn't believe it. In april this year i visited a tarot reader, my intention to ask if all i had been seeing was real. She went through the reading and finally at the end asked me to pull one card, that would answer the question i came to ask. She insisted that i not tell her my question and that i just allow it to be answered. The card i pulled said that the information i had been receiving was accurate. She gave me a puzzled look and asked if I knew what it meant. It was at that moment i stopped denying and accepted who i truly was.

It has been a whirlwind since then, my awakening has been no easy ride, since acceptance things have changed drastically, i have moved house, have quit my extremely well paid corporate job to a job that has much less financial security but is based completely on serving others, a lot of people have left my life but i have gained incredible friends in the process.

So there is a brief overview of my journey, there is a lot more to it, but i would be writing all day. I am so happy to have found this site, as I have been feeling completely alone, with no one who really understands and it is fantastic to be able to speak freely and not have to hold back on my true self
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