Giving advice
07-29-2019, 09:59 AM,
#1
Giving advice
Is it wise to tell someone to stop seeing a person that you think is bad for them?

This could be a friend, mate or even a family member whom I find dishonorable or maybe out of ignorance, insecurity, ... hurts the one who has requested council.

The main intention here is to prevent them from getting hurt by that person and also not take in their energies/distortions. a kind of disappointed and cold separation would achieve that. yet somewhere in my heart I wouldn't want people to part.. u know.

One may think it's reasonable to tell another to do as he himself would have done. but I think a better choice is to tell them what is deemed to be proper for them. but what if we're wrong?
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07-29-2019, 10:01 AM, (This post was last modified: 07-29-2019, 10:02 AM by IndigoGeminiWolf.)
#2
RE: Giving advice
I would word it tactfully and tell them what you see.

Maybe research Google as to how to break the news to them.

You could ask Reddit. There's a larger audience there.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/
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07-29-2019, 10:11 AM, (This post was last modified: 07-29-2019, 10:12 AM by Cainite.)
#3
RE: Giving advice
(07-29-2019, 10:01 AM)IndigoGeminiWolf Wrote:  I would word it tactfully and tell them what you see.

Maybe research Google as to how to break the news to them.

You could ask Reddit. There's a larger audience there.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/

Recently two different people have asked for my advice about such a relationship.

I usually review the situation with them and try not to decide on behalf of a person..

But when you really care about someone, avoiding infringement may get difficult
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07-29-2019, 11:33 AM,
#4
RE: Giving advice
Think of life as a dance. There are many variables. Which is why there is no way to tell from your perspective what another person needs or has planned for in this life to learn. For example, a woman is with a man who her beats her and she is a "victim." If you tell her to leave him and facilitate that, and because she is disempowered and likely to be lead by someone easily, the choice to leave her man will not be entirely her own and she will not have stepped up completely from victimhood, and it will be you valuing her life rather than her valuing her own life. In this same scenario, there may be some sort of agreement between the man and woman to be of service to each other so they learn different things: the woman to rise out of victimhood and value her self; and man to embrace compassion for others. So if you interfere, you not only impair their own processes, but you get enmeshed with them.

My suggestion to you is to be a support system only. I am quite sure you could not tell your acquaintance anything he or she doesn't already know deep inside anyway. 
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07-29-2019, 02:19 PM,
#5
RE: Giving advice
(07-29-2019, 11:33 AM)Diana Wrote:  Think of life as a dance. There are many variables. Which is why there is no way to tell from your perspective what another person needs or has planned for in this life to learn. For example, a woman is with a man who her beats her and she is a "victim." If you tell her to leave him and facilitate that, and because she is disempowered and likely to be lead by someone easily, the choice to leave her man will not be entirely her own and she will not have stepped up completely from victimhood, and it will be you valuing her life rather than her valuing her own life. In this same scenario, there may be some sort of agreement between the man and woman to be of service to each other so they learn different things: the woman to rise out of victimhood and value her self; and man to embrace compassion for others. So if you interfere, you not only impair their own processes, but you get enmeshed with them.

My suggestion to you is to be a support system only. I am quite sure you could not tell your acquaintance anything he or she doesn't already know deep inside anyway. 

I agree,

Do whatever you can to help them use the current situation as a catalyst for their growth
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07-29-2019, 04:04 PM,
#6
RE: Giving advice
(07-29-2019, 09:59 AM)Cainite Wrote:  Is it wise to tell someone to stop seeing a person that you think is bad for them?

This could be a friend, mate or even a family member whom I find dishonorable or maybe out of ignorance, insecurity, ... hurts the one who has requested council.

The main intention here is to prevent them from getting hurt by that person and also not take in their energies/distortions. a kind of disappointed and cold separation would achieve that. yet somewhere in my heart I wouldn't want people to part.. u know.

One may think it's reasonable to tell another to do as he himself would have done. but I think a better choice is to tell them what is deemed to be proper for them. but what if we're wrong?

Quote:hurts the one who has requested council.
If they have requested council you can offer the best advice you have to offer in my opinion.
Although, I feel how can one clearly see what is best for another's journey spiritually speaking? I know that it's wrong for someone to deceive another but I have actually seen a lot of healing come from deceit. This is very touchy actually as you would never advise someone to stay in a dangerous situation so you would naturally tell your friend to leave because you wanted them to be safe. Happiness, content and joy must be sought after by the person who feels otherwise and cannot be taught by a friend or a loved one. Those are spiritual lessons for the self to the self. Well, and even safety as you can advise someone to leave and they remain. I hope all works out for the person in question and because you are asking, I am sure that you are a cherished friend to this person. Hope all is well. Heart good question
Your joy is your sorrow unmasked
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07-29-2019, 04:31 PM,
#7
RE: Giving advice
I never advise on that either. You never really know what dynamics are happening between two people. It’s safe to say if one is in a bad relationship there is a wound to be healed that led them there.

I recently started reading a book with a bad title.
11 times on the New York Times best sellers list it explains why we choose bad relationships and if two are conscious or become conscious and work through the dredged up wounds that led us there how these relationships can heal our earliest wounds.

I’m enjoying it a lot and think most people could benefit from reading it.
It’s called “getting the love you want”

Anyways it solidified my understanding that I do not understand what other people need and or are getting or at least trying to get in these bad relationships.

Obviously if no one within the relationships is working to become conscious of themselves and heal, healing will be much like random catalyst and less useful.
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07-30-2019, 01:50 PM,
#8
RE: Giving advice
In such personal matters I think It's better just to listen. Something in the line: "Tell me more about it..." This will help them make their own considerations and conclusions.
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07-31-2019, 09:12 AM,
#9
RE: Giving advice
You are friends with each other. You have the right to speak to your friend. If that is how you’re feeling, take them aside and share what you are feeling. They are free to accept or reject it. Maybe try and wait for the “right” opportunity to do so. Just be honest and hopefully that will be perceived. Maybe you are wrong, so your friend can listen to what you have to say and consider it. It is ultimately their choice to make.

If you feel like you should speak up, speak up. It’s not an infringement of free will to speak.
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07-31-2019, 03:44 PM,
#10
RE: Giving advice
(07-31-2019, 09:12 AM)Nau7ik Wrote:  You are friends with each other. You have the right to speak to your friend. If that is how you’re feeling, take them aside and share what you are feeling. They are free to accept or reject it. Maybe try and wait for the “right” opportunity to do so. Just be honest and hopefully that will be perceived. Maybe you are wrong, so your friend can listen to what you have to say and consider it. It is ultimately their choice to make.

If you feel like you should speak up, speak up. It’s not an infringement of free will to speak.
I am leaning this way as well. Each knows his own parameters as to what they can and cannot say. It's not like you are forcing your friend to do something he or she doesn't want to do.
The truth comes with a sting so temper the sting with love! How can anyone go wrong with love and truth! Intuitively, we know when to intervene.
Your joy is your sorrow unmasked
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