If you haven't been following my struggle for the last 2 years, I doubt this will matter much. But if you do know my story for the last 2 years, this is a happy ending that finally closes that chapter. So for those who might care:
I'm FINALLY over her! I don't need her back in my life, I don't need to reconcile, I don't need the external validation, I'm finally healed from the main blockage I've been facing!
Everything that happened was just the external mirroring back to me what was going on internally so that I could understand, accept and heal it. So I went within over the past handful of days and REALLY addressed the faulty beleifs, programming and negative mentality that was underlying the problem. And I FINALLY reached a point of permanent internal change. I finally changed my source of validation from the external to the internal! This shift has made it so I could let go, without wrongly believing I "failed" at anything. I think I finally got at least a crucial PART of the overall lesson my soul programmed my life to teach me, and let go of some majour karmic baggage!
I've still got plenty more to do, but that chapter is FINALLY closed and the next one is finally ready to be opened. 4 long years of almost constant suffering. Almost every thought, every action, every bit of mental and emotional energy dedicated to an unhealthy obsessive attachment and holding on to unhealthy beleifs. And now I've healed that. The lowest point in my life is now over.
And contrary to what I used to think, NOTHING EXTERNAL needed to change. I was going about it all wrong: change the external to fix the internal. But I came to realize this was ass backwards. So I changed it. I healed the internal, allowing my external reality to finally change.
Thank you all for your support, patience and understanding over the last 2 years!
After 4 whole years of anguish, from rock bottom, I rise. I have FINALLY lived up to my moniker, as I hoped I would. The phoenix FINALLY fucking rises! A 2 year long death, and now I'm reborn!
Plenty more to do, but I'm finally free to move on to DOING it. Sorry I've been such an a****** for so long. I really feel like it was all worth it though. I am legitimately better off than I was before it all happened. And I wouldn't have gotten to this point if it hadn't. It feels like it was all worth it, just for that.
Thank you all for all you've done to support me on my journey. I know I didn't make it easy. So thanks for not giving up on me
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