Choice between being Kind and Complete
11-26-2019, 07:13 AM, (This post was last modified: 11-26-2019, 07:15 AM by Celestial.)
Choice between being Kind and Complete
I’m having a lot of trouble working out the purpose of catalyst.

I had a dream where a crystalline serpent approached me. It said its name was “Seraphim”. It said to me I was going to have to make a choice between being kind and being complete.

Recently, I had been trying to embody more of my mothers kindness in my life. Perhaps out of chronic clinging to her physical and emotional form after she had passed.

When I say “more”, I mean that I had been trying to transform myself into someone who shows unconditional kindness.

I had dealt with a lot of trauma in the past. This trauma manifests as a huge amount of negativity. I had taken some severe mental beatings, and it is possible that over the last two years in moving towards this choice I had bottled that pain up and repressed it.

It is now coming out in my “external reality” in the form of other-selves reflecting to me a sort of self-contained and self-aware universe of horror. It appears to me as horrific because it is the opposite of this kindness, and it forcefully implies that it is truly me that is this total degree of unkindness and cruelty.

In the past I had been a cruel person to those I loved. But as I started to believe I was awakening, I moved away from this. Effortlessly, I seemed to be much more like my child self - as my mother knew me when she was alive. And her kindness shone as a contrast to my dad’s unconscious mental torture.

I feel that the Universe had thrown to me an opportunity to rectify all the trauma, but I did not choose this in my own unconsciousness. By rectify, I mean that the trauma could be healed in a way that did not involve whatever severity seems to be manifesting itself now.

I am still choosing to be kind. But every day I am plagued by incessant malefic thoughts which are becoming increasingly intense; directing my life as if there are certainties waiting down the line; and my “external reality” seems to become more of a mirror of these malefic thoughts.

I do not want to be controlled by extremely negatively polarised beings.

I do not want to be an extremely negatively polarised being.

However, it seems more and more like this aspect is becoming dominant in my conscious reality and drowning out the control that I have.

It is like an intense apathy. An intense unwillingness to show mercy or care. It is horrible. Am I expected to accept this? Or if I am to give credit to this dream in terms of what I talk about, am I expected to align myself with it in order to be complete? Is it possible that this is “the way that it is” or “the way that I am” and my efforts to show and live through kindness are mere illusory thoughts which I cling to?

I understand from a Law of One perspective that after sixth density opposites are harmonised and the negative entity must reverse its polarity.

- What occurs in the time between the reversal of polarity, specifically, fourth, fifth, and early sixth density for the negative being?

- The positive entity experiences large amounts of bliss returning to source, is this also true for the negative entity?

- Ra speaks of “that which is not” being unable to endure third density. [85•11] Does this mean every third density incarnation results with the individual giving up their separate identity during their lifetime?
(Does it mean that at some point it will be too difficult for my “ego” to continue without dissolution?)

- Ra says that first density was a period of 2 billion years, and second density a period of 4 billion years. Say that in third density an entity polarises negatively, and continues in fourth and fifth density along this path. Would this equate to millions or billions of years of darkness and pain for the entity?

I ask because, I have been alive for 25 years. I am in great and immense and unbearable pain. I cannot imagine going through this for millions or billions of years, if it were the case that my reality is inherently negative and there is no grace for me.
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11-26-2019, 10:41 AM,
RE: Choice between being Kind and Complete
I think you're giving too much thought and meaning to this dream.
Just do what feels right in the moment.
Every moment is imbued with love.
I would surrender to the moment, though I am more of a Yin person.

Doubt everything. Find your own light. - Buddha
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11-26-2019, 02:54 PM,
RE: Choice between being Kind and Complete
I'm sorry you're going through such difficulties.

What I can say in regards to polarity is that you are both paths. You are both the negative and the positive. You have the potential for either of them. Polarity is a trend, by which I mean that no one is destined to go down one path or the other. As a trend, you choose which polarity to potentiate within yourself. The more you choose one polarity, the more you will embody it. The more you train your mind to choose some thoughts and not others, some actions and not others, the more easily that other thoughts or actions of the same polarity will come to you in the future if you keep building up this potential.

Don't believe any entities that say that your destiny is fixed.

Don't believe everything that your mind says, either. The mind is a creature of habit, and as such, it will continue doing whatever you have trained it to do throughout your life. Especially if you perceive it to be somewhat negative and you are in desire of polarizing positively, be prepared to challenge anything that your mind says.

Recognize when a thought makes you feel negatively, and make the commitment to not continue feeding that thought. This, however, as paradoxical as it may sound, needs to be coupled with an appreciation, acceptance and understanding of the negative thought. Realize that if a thought came to you, it was because you had a certain affinity to it. Negativity is very natural, so don't ever shame it if you are committed to the STO path, where acceptance is key. Negativity has in great part, at its root, instinctual and social emotions and behaviors that are meant to direct your energies towards self-preservation. If we feel rejected, it's normal for the social animal in us to perceive this as an attack and to then desire pain and suffering on our perceived aggressor. When any such thoughts appear, take a moment to accept them, to realize how important they are in regard to the lower chakras, but make the commitment to stop feeding such a line of thought, and find an alternative. Choose the kind of thought that works best for you, and which moves you towards positive polarization. You can think of the other person as being carried away by these lower chakras, which is understandable, too. You can think of them as the Creator. You can look at the situation as a challenge to further your spiritual progress. Etc.

The more you do this, the more automatically and easily it will come to you. It can be hard, because through conditioning we have thoughts that are so deeply rooted in our minds that they are hard to identify. Normally, there isn't even any room to perceive such thoughts. They automatically trigger the corresponding emotion, with the thought itself being buried somewhere in there. It takes time and patience to uncover these thoughts, but it can be done. The key is to look out for negative emotions and to then take a minute to analyze them, to figure out where they came from, what unspoken presuppositions (thoughts) they are built upon, and to then challenge these thoughts.

I don't understand why you were told that kindness and completeness and mutually exclusive or what this means, so I don't think I can say much on that. If you choose STO and kindness, STO eventually leads to a perception of the completeness within the self. So, kindness and completeness can very much be found in the same place, I believe.
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11-27-2019, 01:10 AM,
RE: Choice between being Kind and Complete

This might help if you're ready
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