Where does the experience end up?
11-28-2019, 02:52 AM, (This post was last modified: 11-28-2019, 02:57 AM by Celestial.)
#1
Where does the experience end up?
As time goes on it becomes more and more apparent to me that a great deal of humanity is quite happy to come to a metaphysical understanding of things and in tandem with their perception of gnosis there becomes a complete view of things which is substantially comfortable.

I don't know if I maintain this perspective because of demonic activity occurring within my conscious experience, but it seems to become increasingly obvious to me.

For about the past month, I have rode a bus on a loop around my city. There is a free bus which people can ride around in circles for as long as I like. I've done this most days just to keep my mind occupied. There's something about the constant sense of movement which makes it a little more bearable. Today, I met someone who was doing the exact same thing, and he seemed severely distressed about exactly what bothers me.

"It's just like the bus. The same thing, every day, on a loop. But the bus has to run out of petrol eventually. So this has to eventually come to a stop as well."
"It has gone too far. It has just gone too far." He kept saying. "It's like being in a forest, and you can see tracks, footprints from animals and people, things left behind - you can tell who's been there and get an idea of what they were doing. It's the same thing here. Where does the money come from?"

It's not a coincidence that this happened today. He was even talking to himself, things that directly related to my experience. Most people would call this a symptom of psychosis, and that's becoming a very common theme in my life. Everything is psychosis. The way that the average citizens walk around from thought to thought - it's all directed and pre-calculated.

How does this not bother those who have woken up? It was a big wake-up call for me today, as to how blase I have been treating it. The last thing I said to him was "It's been going on for a long time, hasn't it? Just think - Egypt, Babylon, Sumeria, Rome, Caesar?" - He got straight up and said "Take it easy, man." And got off the bus and walked over to the bus stop across the road to catch a bus going in a different direction.

It really makes me think, what if it is a sort of solipsism? That is, we're all solipsists.

Quote:19.17 ▶ Questioner: Can you tell me what bias creates their momentum toward the chosen path of service to self?

Ra: I am Ra. We can speak only in metaphor. Some love the light. Some love the darkness. It is a matter of the unique and infinitely various Creator choosing and playing among its experiences as a child upon a picnic. Some enjoy the picnic and find the sun beautiful, the food delicious, the games refreshing, and glow with the joy of creation. Some find the night delicious, their picnic being pain, difficulty, sufferings of others, and the examination of the perversities of nature. These enjoy a different picnic.

All these experiences are available. It is free will of each entity which chooses the form of play, the form of pleasure.
 

Where does it all end up? Not in that some choose Service-to-Self and those who potentially choose that might experience a profound manner of death or struggle or difficulty or despair at some point, but that the conscious experience of life and this Universe itself, because it contains the "tracks and footprints" so to speak, of these hidden oppressors who exist irrespective of our willingness to acknowledge them, could drag this Universe into a dark hole.

One of the first things I asked when I joined this forum was if it was possible for an evil being to experience eternal darkness, or being "alone in the dark".

I don't know what your conscious experience is like. I've never experienced myself 'as' you, but I can say with a degree of certainty that from where I'm sitting now, I experience myself as conscious, and with great and legitimate concern for where this is going. Maybe you have chosen Service-to-Others, and even if there are oppressors in your reality, they will not overpower you and thus even if you escape by the hairs on your neck, you will not experience the full extent of that captivity and failure in terms of finding balance. I do not have such certainty, in that I agree with the guy on the bus. I should not have been so blase about the horrific history and extent of enslavement humanity has faced. When he left I felt like I had just cemented myself in a separate position even further than I already felt.
I shared in his despair that he did not want to be alive to experience whatever it is that's coming. I asked him if he anticipated anything and he didn't have anything to say for what he anticipated. He was just overwhelmed by the degree to how far it's already gone. Sometimes I treat it with a naivety, like a plot narrative in a video game. "It's just like Star Wars in real life! If the galactic Empire were real!" - And not that I actually say this, but you can sort of get the naivety behind the premise. What you think about and talk about in terms of a narrative is not the same thing as the horror and trauma of it actually occurring, when it is occurring, and it does not acknowledge the severity of it being everything you ever knew, loved and experienced contained within it.

The truth is, I don't know what's going to happen to me. Logically I can say my body will die, but does anyone experience death? Ra talks about the body dying, the "entity" undergoing healing in the astral planes. But can I really expect to undergo an experience where my body dies and takes its last breath, as rigor mortis sets in? What is the possibility for the experience to end up as? And if there's anyone here who has a legitimate and great concern for the future, I should like to hear from you, because from what I can gather it seems very likely that this concerns you just as much as it concerns me. That whatever it is in our reality that's doing whatever it's doing does not have plans to stop or slow down, and there's something very significant waiting on the other end.
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Glow
11-28-2019, 03:23 AM, (This post was last modified: 11-28-2019, 03:23 AM by RitaJC.)
#2
RE: Where does the experience end up?
(11-28-2019, 02:52 AM)Celestial Wrote:  The way that the average citizens walk around from thought to thought - it's all directed and pre-calculated.

I don't believe it is.

(11-28-2019, 02:52 AM)Celestial Wrote:  And if there's anyone here who has a legitimate and great concern for the future, I should like to hear from you, because from what I can gather it seems very likely that this concerns you just as much as it concerns me. That whatever it is in our reality that's doing whatever it's doing does not have plans to stop or slow down, and there's something very significant waiting on the other end.

And, sorry, but I am not one of those any more and I don't believe that the "great concern" has any legitimacy to it.

It's just you believing stressful, painful thoughts about who you are and what's going on here right now and perpetuating your own suffering, sorry. I spent more than 5 decades in that place until I left and started truly serving the Light. There is a way out of it if you're ready to start questioning those beliefs
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kristina
11-28-2019, 07:03 AM,
#3
RE: Where does the experience end up?
(11-28-2019, 03:23 AM)RitaJC Wrote:  
(11-28-2019, 02:52 AM)Celestial Wrote:  The way that the average citizens walk around from thought to thought - it's all directed and pre-calculated.

I don't believe it is.

(11-28-2019, 02:52 AM)Celestial Wrote:  And if there's anyone here who has a legitimate and great concern for the future, I should like to hear from you, because from what I can gather it seems very likely that this concerns you just as much as it concerns me. That whatever it is in our reality that's doing whatever it's doing does not have plans to stop or slow down, and there's something very significant waiting on the other end.

And, sorry, but I am not one of those any more and I don't believe that the "great concern" has any legitimacy to it.

It's just you believing stressful, painful thoughts about who you are and what's going on here right now and perpetuating your own suffering, sorry. I spent more than 5 decades in that place until I left and started truly serving the Light. There is a way out of it if you're ready to start questioning those beliefs

It could be true. What you’ve said here is the premise that I try and reassure myself of. That it’s just what I’m creating for myself through the filter of my beliefs. The Tibetan Book of the Dead talks about the illusion becoming gradually more hostile until the subject sees it and acknowledges it as its own creation.

A lot of my fears perhaps stem from an unnecessary worry that I will not see through such an illusion, and become separated forever from “you”. For a line to be drawn in the end, where “you” reject “me” under the premise that I am that which is not, and it is not only for my own good, but also my responsibility to be alone until a point in which I can see there is no separation between us, and also to forgive myself in that process.

Will this actually happen? I don’t know. I don’t want to be alone in the dark. For all to ascend from the third density and for me to be left here by myself or with others who share the same fate. For my Self to turn its back on me.
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11-28-2019, 08:34 AM,
#4
RE: Where does the experience end up?
(11-28-2019, 07:03 AM)Celestial Wrote:  
(11-28-2019, 03:23 AM)RitaJC Wrote:  
(11-28-2019, 02:52 AM)Celestial Wrote:  The way that the average citizens walk around from thought to thought - it's all directed and pre-calculated.

I don't believe it is.


(11-28-2019, 02:52 AM)Celestial Wrote:  And if there's anyone here who has a legitimate and great concern for the future, I should like to hear from you, because from what I can gather it seems very likely that this concerns you just as much as it concerns me. That whatever it is in our reality that's doing whatever it's doing does not have plans to stop or slow down, and there's something very significant waiting on the other end.

And, sorry, but I am not one of those any more and I don't believe that the "great concern" has any legitimacy to it.

It's just you believing stressful, painful thoughts about who you are and what's going on here right now and perpetuating your own suffering, sorry. I spent more than 5 decades in that place until I left and started truly serving the Light. There is a way out of it if you're ready to start questioning those beliefs

It could be true. What you’ve said here is the premise that I try and reassure myself of. That it’s just what I’m creating for myself through the filter of my beliefs. The Tibetan Book of the Dead talks about the illusion becoming gradually more hostile until the subject sees it and acknowledges it as its own creation.

A lot of my fears perhaps stem from an unnecessary worry that I will not see through such an illusion, and become separated forever from “you”. For a line to be drawn in the end, where “you” reject “me” under the premise that I am that which is not, and it is not only for my own good, but also my responsibility to be alone until a point in which I can see there is no separation between us, and also to forgive myself in that process.  
 
Will this actually happen? I don’t know. I don’t want to be alone in the dark. For all to ascend from the third density and for me to be left here by myself or with others who share the same fate. For my Self to turn its back on me.

What you seem to be afraid of are just some horror movies created by unhealthy imagination...

How about you focus your attention on what is happening now which is the only accessible reality and the only "place" where you can actively do something. How about just being present in the present and observing that little boy unconsciously scaring himself, having compassion with him, but not confusing him with who you really are (the light in the center, the animator and observer of the experience)?
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11-28-2019, 08:45 AM,
#5
RE: Where does the experience end up?
(11-28-2019, 07:03 AM)Celestial Wrote:  
(11-28-2019, 03:23 AM)RitaJC Wrote:  
(11-28-2019, 02:52 AM)Celestial Wrote:  The way that the average citizens walk around from thought to thought - it's all directed and pre-calculated.

I don't believe it is.


(11-28-2019, 02:52 AM)Celestial Wrote:  And if there's anyone here who has a legitimate and great concern for the future, I should like to hear from you, because from what I can gather it seems very likely that this concerns you just as much as it concerns me. That whatever it is in our reality that's doing whatever it's doing does not have plans to stop or slow down, and there's something very significant waiting on the other end.

And, sorry, but I am not one of those any more and I don't believe that the "great concern" has any legitimacy to it.

It's just you believing stressful, painful thoughts about who you are and what's going on here right now and perpetuating your own suffering, sorry. I spent more than 5 decades in that place until I left and started truly serving the Light. There is a way out of it if you're ready to start questioning those beliefs

It could be true. What you’ve said here is the premise that I try and reassure myself of. That it’s just what I’m creating for myself through the filter of my beliefs. The Tibetan Book of the Dead talks about the illusion becoming gradually more hostile until the subject sees it and acknowledges it as its own creation.

A lot of my fears perhaps stem from an unnecessary worry that I will not see through such an illusion, and become separated forever from “you”. For a line to be drawn in the end, where “you” reject “me” under the premise that I am that which is not, and it is not only for my own good, but also my responsibility to be alone until a point in which I can see there is no separation between us, and also to forgive myself in that process.  
 
Will this actually happen? I don’t know. I don’t want to be alone in the dark. For all to ascend from the third density and for me to be left here by myself or with others who share the same fate. For my Self to turn its back on me.

Quote:A lot of my fears perhaps stem from an unnecessary worry that I will not see through such an illusion, and become separated forever from “you”. For a line to be drawn in the end, where “you” reject “me” under the premise that I am that which is not, and it is not only for my own good, but also my responsibility to be alone until a point in which I can see there is no separation between us, and also to forgive myself in that process.  
You cannot be separated from me nor can I be separated from you. Maybe to put it into simple terms, we have always been together in one form or another. It would be like you saying you are separate from The Creator, or you are separate from you! You cannot be separate from anything therefore you can never be alone.

Quote:But can I really expect to undergo an experience where my body dies and takes its last breath, as rigor mortis sets in?
Well, I cannot remember my last death but I have watched two people pass away and each death was different. I can assure you that once the rigor set in, they were gone from the body. My Mother struggled to stay alive until her last daughter was there, took her last breath and was gone from the body. My Dad, took one good look at me for the last time and drew his final breath as he exhaled, he was gone. I was the only one suffering each time, the were released from their worn out bodies. I guess what I am saying, they were gone, out of their bodies long before it stiffened up and became cold to the touch. Maybe you are trying to understand something through the lense of dying? Only you would know that however.

Quote: I don’t want to be alone in the dark.
Your guides are with you during this process. Even if you have no family, you still have a spirit family. In fact, your guides are always with you. I could be incorrect here, so we will allow another seeker correct me if I am, however, within my own experience, we have to contain a small amount of stillness within to hear what they have to say about the help they render to us. This is why it is very important for each of to learn to step away from being filled with constant movement of our days and be still for 5 minutes, 10 minutes whatever you can do. It doesn't have to be for hours just a little bit. Nothing may happen the first few times a person meditates, that is a natural process but if one stays with it long enough, your mind will literally reconfigure itself so that it can tune in and it is from this point you may find yourself releasing ideas and patterns that don't serve you any longer. Some patterns will literally fall off.

Quote:For a line to be drawn in the end, where “you” reject “me” under the premise that I am that which is not, and it is not only for my own good, but also my responsibility to be alone until a point in which I can see there is no separation between us, and also to forgive myself in that process.
See, this is the thing, positively polarizing individuals do not reject anyone in total. If you are a self serving individual, we may walk away from you but you will remain on our minds and even for some of us, you will remain within our hearts because we may be sending prayers for you. This may be especially true for this forum as many seekers learn straight away that you, me and the next guy is a mirror to the self, you are my reflection. To reject you means that I reject myself. I may step back and contemplate the best way to resolve emotional content that you bring to the table as an individuated portion of The Creator, but I certainly won't be shutting you out, pushing you away.
The final comment in this paragraph is very important. When we forgive, we are loving the One, we are bestowing grace upon ourselves and creating an opening in which creates new movement within ourselves. And when we view the person in the mirror and we can say, "I forgive you", this is the very first step in loving others. And you can ask the person who you see in the mirror, what is it that I forgive? You may start with the first thing that pops into frame. I feel at this point we are trying to not identify with our stories any longer but rise above them. These stories create most of our fears. In stories I mean past trauma.
and also...everything that Rita said. Good advise
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11-28-2019, 09:44 AM,
#6
RE: Where does the experience end up?
(11-28-2019, 08:45 AM)kristina Wrote:  
(11-28-2019, 07:03 AM)Celestial Wrote:  
(11-28-2019, 03:23 AM)RitaJC Wrote:  
(11-28-2019, 02:52 AM)Celestial Wrote:  The way that the average citizens walk around from thought to thought - it's all directed and pre-calculated.

I don't believe it is.


(11-28-2019, 02:52 AM)Celestial Wrote:  And if there's anyone here who has a legitimate and great concern for the future, I should like to hear from you, because from what I can gather it seems very likely that this concerns you just as much as it concerns me. That whatever it is in our reality that's doing whatever it's doing does not have plans to stop or slow down, and there's something very significant waiting on the other end.

And, sorry, but I am not one of those any more and I don't believe that the "great concern" has any legitimacy to it.

It's just you believing stressful, painful thoughts about who you are and what's going on here right now and perpetuating your own suffering, sorry. I spent more than 5 decades in that place until I left and started truly serving the Light. There is a way out of it if you're ready to start questioning those beliefs

It could be true. What you’ve said here is the premise that I try and reassure myself of. That it’s just what I’m creating for myself through the filter of my beliefs. The Tibetan Book of the Dead talks about the illusion becoming gradually more hostile until the subject sees it and acknowledges it as its own creation.

A lot of my fears perhaps stem from an unnecessary worry that I will not see through such an illusion, and become separated forever from “you”. For a line to be drawn in the end, where “you” reject “me” under the premise that I am that which is not, and it is not only for my own good, but also my responsibility to be alone until a point in which I can see there is no separation between us, and also to forgive myself in that process.  
 
Will this actually happen? I don’t know. I don’t want to be alone in the dark. For all to ascend from the third density and for me to be left here by myself or with others who share the same fate. For my Self to turn its back on me.

Quote:A lot of my fears perhaps stem from an unnecessary worry that I will not see through such an illusion, and become separated forever from “you”. For a line to be drawn in the end, where “you” reject “me” under the premise that I am that which is not, and it is not only for my own good, but also my responsibility to be alone until a point in which I can see there is no separation between us, and also to forgive myself in that process.  
You cannot be separated from me nor can I be separated from you. Maybe to put it into simple terms, we have always been together in one form or another. It would be like you saying you are separate from The Creator, or you are separate from you! You cannot be separate from anything therefore you can never be alone.

Quote:But can I really expect to undergo an experience where my body dies and takes its last breath, as rigor mortis sets in?
Well, I cannot remember my last death but I have watched two people pass away and each death was different. I can assure you that once the rigor set in, they were gone from the body. My Mother struggled to stay alive until her last daughter was there, took her last breath and was gone from the body. My Dad, took one good look at me for the last time and drew his final breath as he exhaled, he was gone. I was the only one suffering each time, the were released from their worn out bodies. I guess what I am saying, they were gone, out of their bodies long before it stiffened up and became cold to the touch. Maybe you are trying to understand something through the lense of dying? Only you would know that however.

Quote: I don’t want to be alone in the dark.
Your guides are with you during this process. Even if you have no family, you still have a spirit family. In fact, your guides are always with you. I could be incorrect here, so we will allow another seeker correct me if I am, however, within my own experience, we have to contain a small amount of stillness within to hear what they have to say about the help they render to us. This is why it is very important for each of to learn to step away from being filled with constant movement of our days and be still for 5 minutes, 10 minutes whatever you can do. It doesn't have to be for hours just a little bit. Nothing may happen the first few times a person meditates, that is a natural process but if one stays with it long enough, your mind will literally reconfigure itself so that it can tune in and it is from this point you may find yourself releasing ideas and patterns that don't serve you any longer. Some patterns will literally fall off.

Quote:For a line to be drawn in the end, where “you” reject “me” under the premise that I am that which is not, and it is not only for my own good, but also my responsibility to be alone until a point in which I can see there is no separation between us, and also to forgive myself in that process.
See, this is the thing, positively polarizing individuals do not reject anyone in total. If you are a self serving individual, we may walk away from you but you will remain on our minds and even for some of us, you will remain within our hearts because we may be sending prayers for you. This may be especially true for this forum as many seekers learn straight away that you, me and the next guy is a mirror to the self, you are my reflection. To reject you means that I reject myself. I may step back and contemplate the best way to resolve emotional content that you bring to the table as an individuated portion of The Creator, but I certainly won't be shutting you out, pushing you away.
The final comment in this paragraph is very important. When we forgive, we are loving the One, we are bestowing grace upon ourselves and creating an opening in which creates new movement within ourselves. And when we view the person in the mirror and we can say, "I forgive you", this is the very first step in loving others. And you can ask the person who you see in the mirror, what is it that I forgive? You may start with the first thing that pops into frame. I feel at this point we are trying to not identify with our stories any longer but rise above them. These stories create most of our fears. In stories I mean past trauma.
and also...everything that Rita said. Good advise

A great deal of my concern comes from events which have occurred up until this point. I am no longer a functioning individual with a life of my own. The nittier grittier details of my circumstances are very intense and typically leave those I reveal them to with a sense of disbelief. Not that they don’t believe that I feel this is the path, but that it has either been put into my head or that the universe would not require such a path of action from me. There is no “required” path. Only actions and consequences. From my perspective the actions required in order to avert a significantly dark chapter awaiting me is too much. I cannot bring myself to do it. And in response, I am bombarded with extreme sarcasm and mockery from what I perceive as demonic entities, but could just as well be rejected subconscious functions, such as what Carl Jung referred to as the “Shadow”, or a natural manifestation of what I oppose in what I closely align myself with and cling to in terms of polarity. It often crosses my mind an idea that it is something akin to an Orion entity - something which has laid claim to and dominion over my Soul, or conscious experience. All of these are hypothesis, but should adequately describe or point to the repetitive and consistent experience which appears to me.

If you wish to provide your two cents, you are welcome to. I will give you a brief description of my ‘unique hand’ as I interpret it.

Standing aside from myself, my identity is comprised of polarity. I know myself in relation to others. For some reason unknown to me, I think maybe due to a negative energy which has been with me since birth, or inherited from my father, I clung viciously to my mother. Due to my mother being removed from her parents as a young child by the government, and a great lack of love in her life from her first husband and my father, she also cling viciously to me. Never had a boyfriend. All her energy and time was put into providing for, and loving me. I was her world, and this was unhealthy, but I also clung to her unconsciously just as much.

My personality is mostly stale and robotic at this point. But this is what I can say, from what remains.

My mother died in 2013, and for the reasons mentioned above, I did not cope with this. My whole life became the following statement: There is no reason for me to continue without my mother, I wish to die.

By 2017 an encounter occurred which led to me gaining the knowledge about Self and life that I seem to possess at this point. This encounter was undoubtedly my mother. For two years she intimately attempted to communicate to me that she was alive in something called “Oneness”.
She made it clear that I must not cling to her physical form, as that was only a fragment of who she was. However, when she merged back to One, she left behind a piece of herself on this Earth.

About four months ago, something happened that I can only describe as a point by which I had, in my own ignorance, solidified a path in myself that was clinging to her physical form. I am not one hundred percent on how it works. But it is a projection onto my father.

I have been warned of the following which may commence as of around Christmas time this year:
- Inability or unwillingness to sleep due to nightmares of “parasite” version of my mother
- A feeling of constriction, otherwise known as an “Iron Dress”, which at some stage may feel like having the body pressed up against a cold sheet of metal at all times, along with tightness around throat and armpits
- Projecting physical form of my dead mother and dead sister onto my father’s body, who now has brain damage. He himself has spoken of this. “God can make it so the way you feel about me is the way you feel about them.” (My phone autocorrected this morning “Thank you for the husband” - this is an example of the sarcasm)

What I speak of as being alone in the darkness may be something unique to me because of my situation. That, it is not me that will be alone in the dark, but the image of myself which exists in clinging to my mothers physical form which is no longer here.

Now it does not end here. But the details of which are very hazy to me as it is where I am opposed to myself. It seems to insist that I will become some sort of detestable individual. At this stage I cannot fathom how this could be so. It also insists that it is not “me” doing it but that I am being “taken” somewhere by “them”. I have spoken with those who align with the darkness, these have said things to me such as “some just need to be loved for whatever they choose to be.”

And yet, I do not admit to choosing any such things. I accept there are parts of me which poke their heads through certain windows and around curtains in curiosity, also parts which are in pain and cling to certain feelings. But none such that actively want to become one of “them”. I have been told there “is no grace for them”.
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Glow
11-28-2019, 09:59 AM,
#7
RE: Where does the experience end up?
(11-28-2019, 07:03 AM)Celestial Wrote:  It could be true. What you’ve said here is the premise that I try and reassure myself of. That it’s just what I’m creating for myself through the filter of my beliefs. The Tibetan Book of the Dead talks about the illusion becoming gradually more hostile until the subject sees it and acknowledges it as its own creation.

A lot of my fears perhaps stem from an unnecessary worry that I will not see through such an illusion, and become separated forever from “you”. For a line to be drawn in the end, where “you” reject “me” under the premise that I am that which is not, and it is not only for my own good, but also my responsibility to be alone until a point in which I can see there is no separation between us, and also to forgive myself in that process.  
 
Will this actually happen? I don’t know. I don’t want to be alone in the dark. For all to ascend from the third density and for me to be left here by myself or with others who share the same fate. For my Self to turn its back on me.

Why did you pick the name Celestial? It sounds like the name of someone who sees divinity in themselves.
Not the name of someone alone in the dark.

Doubt everything. Find your own light. - Buddha
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11-28-2019, 10:08 AM,
#8
RE: Where does the experience end up?
(11-28-2019, 09:59 AM)IndigoGeminiWolf Wrote:  
(11-28-2019, 07:03 AM)Celestial Wrote:  It could be true. What you’ve said here is the premise that I try and reassure myself of. That it’s just what I’m creating for myself through the filter of my beliefs. The Tibetan Book of the Dead talks about the illusion becoming gradually more hostile until the subject sees it and acknowledges it as its own creation.

A lot of my fears perhaps stem from an unnecessary worry that I will not see through such an illusion, and become separated forever from “you”. For a line to be drawn in the end, where “you” reject “me” under the premise that I am that which is not, and it is not only for my own good, but also my responsibility to be alone until a point in which I can see there is no separation between us, and also to forgive myself in that process.  
 
Will this actually happen? I don’t know. I don’t want to be alone in the dark. For all to ascend from the third density and for me to be left here by myself or with others who share the same fate. For my Self to turn its back on me.

Why did you pick the name Celestial? It sounds like the name of someone who sees divinity in themselves.
Not the name of someone alone in the dark.
Interesting perspective an excellent question, one that I would be interesting in knowing the answer to. I am always interested in knowing what others are thinking from their personal perspective or position. And from Celestial's perspective, I too, would be interested in knowing why the beautiful name that suggests to me, someone who is surrounded by the stars is the same individual who is alone in the dark or thinks they will end up alone in the dark.
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RitaJC
11-28-2019, 10:25 AM,
#9
RE: Where does the experience end up?
During the period which I felt myself to be awakening and that my mothers spirit was providing me an option to resolve my traumas and have love manifest into the world, I came up with the name “Celestial Nobody” for an online account.

This was because I felt myself to be something far greater than what I had known myself as. By being everyone I was no one. I think if this was really the case though, it wouldn’t have been able to degrade as it has. So I would say it was probably an ego thing - me trying to make an identity out of the experience and flaunt it as a false projection of humility towards others.

So I just used the name Celestial here. I hope to not be a lonely star. To always have a place in the cosmos. To one day experience its radiant brilliance and mesmerising gleaming dust pervading the all as it is. This is just an idea though, I think that ship has sailed and it will likely be millions of years of darkness or repetition of material before I witness such a thing. I do not mean to damn myself with my words, it is just what is being communicated.
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kristina
11-28-2019, 02:22 PM,
#10
RE: Where does the experience end up?
(11-28-2019, 10:25 AM)Celestial Wrote:  During the period which I felt myself to be awakening and that my mothers spirit was providing me an option to resolve my traumas and have love manifest into the world, I came up with the name “Celestial Nobody” for an online account.  
 
This was because I felt myself to be something far greater than what I had known myself as. By being everyone I was no one. I think if this was really the case though, it wouldn’t have been able to degrade as it has. So I would say it was probably an ego thing - me trying to make an identity out of the experience and flaunt it as a false projection of humility towards others.

So I just used the name Celestial here. I hope to not be a lonely star. To always have a place in the cosmos. To one day experience its radiant brilliance and mesmerising gleaming dust pervading the all as it is. This is just an idea though, I think that ship has sailed and it will likely be millions of years of darkness or repetition of material before I witness such a thing. I do not mean to damn myself with my words, it is just what is being communicated.
That feeling of pervasive loneliness or of some sort of isolation between the self and others we all experience because this is 3rd density. A nice way to balance this may be to be a positive influence upon the self. If you have a really hard time being kind to yourself you may just say to yourself that it is ok to feel such a way. Maybe you may identify with a star that is on the edge of our galaxy? You could visualize that you are a newly formed star and that you are the first to arrive at a new location within the galaxy and you are surrounded by what looks like endlessness and vastness. I bet if you would concentrate on looking really hard through the dust formations that appear like clouds, and different colors of gases; you would see another distant star. It seems to be alone as well. Maybe you could look at this tiny little star and look at the way it casts little sparkles of colors. Quite possibly the colors it sends, it sends because it has taken notice of you too. And now you can send one another fragments of light. It cannot reach you and you cannot reach it but by just "being" with one another, there is company for you both.
I do not have a lot of aquaintances, I surely don't have a lot of friends. I don't concern myself with that because like the story I just told you, I find ways to just be with whatever it is I have taken notice of. It doesn't have to be a material thing, it could be an experience or a thought. And this is the way I have healed unhealed parts of myself. Loneliness is very common to those of us trying to become conscious and nothing is the same after you begin to awaken so we learn to be kind to the one person who will remain with us during this incarnation, ourselves.
I  don't know anything
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Glow, hounsic, RitaJC
11-28-2019, 07:04 PM,
#11
RE: Where does the experience end up?
Celestial I just want to give you the biggest hug ((((hug)))

I just read down this post and only got to the part about the message from your mother before I felt a tear in my eyes and great appreciation for both you and your mother.  What a gift she gave you in her return. Don't worry it isn't to late. Greiving often takes us off our path but we can always return to the light your mother showed you. (((another big hug)))

(11-28-2019, 09:44 AM)Celestial Wrote:  A great deal of my concern comes from events which have occurred up until this point. I am no longer a functioning individual with a life of my own. The nittier grittier details of my circumstances are very intense and typically leave those I reveal them to with a sense of disbelief. Not that they don’t believe that I feel this is the path, but that it has either been put into my head or that the universe would not require such a path of action from me. There is no “required” path. Only actions and consequences. From my perspective the actions required in order to avert a significantly dark chapter awaiting me is too much. I cannot bring myself to do it. And in response, I am bombarded with extreme sarcasm and mockery from what I perceive as demonic entities, but could just as well be rejected subconscious functions, such as what Carl Jung referred to as the “Shadow”, or a natural manifestation of what I oppose in what I closely align myself with and cling to in terms of polarity. It often crosses my mind an idea that it is something akin to an Orion entity - something which has laid claim to and dominion over my Soul, or conscious experience. All of these are hypothesis, but should adequately describe or point to the repetitive and consistent experience which appears to me.


First we do inherit a lot of karma when we incarnate so I do not doubt you have unfortunately been born into some heavy stuff. Obviously though with what you shared below from your mother she from her perspective could see it is not where you need to stay in that darkness. I do not know the path out for you but can assure you it is there if you intend it and seek the light.

I am also urged to suggest you may help in unwinding some of this stuff if you have the will through working with a shamanic group.
I sought out shamanscave a few years ago and they are wonderful at teaching the selfhealing techniques that can clear much of this inherited stuff up. The class recapitulation 1 may be all that you need to unwind it a bit. Just don't give up that is the main thing.
There is help if you seek it.
(11-28-2019, 09:44 AM)Celestial Wrote:  If you wish to provide your two cents, you are welcome to. I will give you a brief description of my ‘unique hand’ as I interpret it.  
 
Standing aside from myself, my identity is comprised of polarity. I know myself in relation to others. For some reason unknown to me, I think maybe due to a negative energy which has been with me since birth, or inherited from my father, I clung viciously to my mother. Due to my mother being removed from her parents as a young child by the government, and a great lack of love in her life from her first husband and my father, she also cling viciously to me. Never had a boyfriend. All her energy and time was put into providing for, and loving me. I was her world, and this was unhealthy, but I also clung to her unconsciously just as much.

My personality is mostly stale and robotic at this point. But this is what I can say, from what remains.

I do not doubt this inborn polarity because I feel the same. I should have with my life experience, and genetic role models moved STS but I am hard wired STO. I cannot take credit so I cannot also lay blame for others.

If it makes you feel any better one I am most aware of intrinsic unity/oneness with also carries negativity energy. I know his family likely pressed it upon him with karma, and definite traumas beyond his control locked him in a cycle but it in no way means you or anyone are destined to follow that path to completion. Heck your Mom came back to tell you of oneness. If you are one with all you can move from your point of awareness to one of light, it's just a part of you, you have not yet met.

It is a hard thing to unload as it is self perpetuating until you are clearly aware of the pattern/cycle(which you are) so can finally break the cycle and perpetuation of negative cycles. You are part way there.
Now you just need to learn how to chose your patterns not because of that pattern given to but from where you wish to go.  
(11-28-2019, 09:44 AM)Celestial Wrote:  My mother died in 2013, and for the reasons mentioned above, I did not cope with this. My whole life became the following statement: There is no reason for me to continue without my mother, I wish to die.
So sorry for your loss. I don't see your reaction as negative.

I see this as you craving that unity you shared with your mother and in grief of separation feeling like you would chose unity or nothing. Heck to me that means you do not actually want to be negative, you just do not like separation consciousness and frankly neither do I it's not easy for everyone. I would rather be home in unity too where your Mom is but we came so we obviously have a part to play in bringing that unity here for those who need it here.
(11-28-2019, 09:44 AM)Celestial Wrote:  By 2017 an encounter occurred which led to me gaining the knowledge about Self and life that I seem to possess at this point. This encounter was undoubtedly my mother. For two years she intimately attempted to communicate to me that she was alive in something called “Oneness”.
She made it clear that I must not cling to her physical form, as that was only a fragment of who she was. However, when she merged back to One, she left behind a piece of herself on this Earth.
That is a beautiful gift! Do not throw it away. Take it for what it is. She is with you, she is saying the material ain't it so do not worry, we do our best to make the world a bit better while we are here then we return to unity. Our love can stay here with those we are connected to. That's a much better picture than you alone in the dark, so believe her.
(11-28-2019, 09:44 AM)Celestial Wrote:  About four months ago, something happened that I can only describe as a point by which I had, in my own ignorance, solidified a path in myself that was clinging to her physical form. I am not one hundred percent on how it works. But it is a projection onto my father.

I have been warned of the following which may commence as of around Christmas time this year:
- Inability or unwillingness to sleep due to nightmares of “parasite” version of my mother
- A feeling of constriction, otherwise known as an “Iron Dress”, which at some stage may feel like having the body pressed up against a cold sheet of metal at all times, along with tightness around throat and armpits
- Projecting physical form of my dead mother and dead sister onto my father’s body, who now has brain damage. He himself has spoken of this. “God can make it so the way you feel about me is the way you feel about them.” (My phone autocorrected this morning “Thank you for the husband” - this is an example of the sarcasm)
So as the light part of consciousness can communicate so can the shadow. The shadow is scared and perpetuates fear.
If a message is like yours above about suffering and doom/gloom I ignore it. The shadow only needs to scare you not deliver on these fearful ideas. I would just reject those outright if you can will yourself to. Laugh at the silly lies. Do not follow the lies. Go the oposite direction that is how you build polarity in a more positive direction, on resistance to fear at a time.
(11-28-2019, 09:44 AM)Celestial Wrote:  What I speak of as being alone in the darkness may be something unique to me because of my situation. That, it is not me that will be alone in the dark, but the image of myself which exists in clinging to my mothers physical form which is no longer here.

Now it does not end here. But the details of which are very hazy to me as it is where I am opposed to myself. It seems to insist that I will become some sort of detestable individual. At this stage I cannot fathom how this could be so. It also insists that it is not “me” doing it but that I am being “taken” somewhere by “them”. I have spoken with those who align with the darkness, these have said things to me such as “some just need to be loved for whatever they choose to be.”

And yet, I do not admit to choosing any such things. I accept there are parts of me which poke their heads through certain windows and around curtains in curiosity, also parts which are in pain and cling to certain feelings. But none such that actively want to become one of “them”. I have been told there “is no grace for them”.
Well I see this as a simple warning. If you do not accept that your mother exists outside her body, and stop clinging to the emptiness form wise you will perpetuate that train of thought and action till you follow that path where it leads.

The fact that there is a warning means you can do otherwise. It isn't easy but grieve then start building patterns of appreciation of her energy in your life leading you towards the light. I am really really sorry for your loss but it seams both the light and shadow are trying to show you there is another path for you than the one you are currently traveling.

I would take that as a very fortunate sign and really work to heal this wound. Is there anyway you can afford grief counselling?

I would again suggest shamanscave they are basically there to help you learn to break old patterns and build knew ones. They are called the Makers  the first part of the process is unbecoming all the patterns you do not like in your life then building new ones. Creating a new self.

I am restarting my old lessons because some of my old patterns have come back since I didn't fully recapitulate them, but I know from the past if I do the work I can heal them again. We all need to do some maintenance work on the subconscious.


I hope I have not said anything that would bother you. I do not always know the right words but when I read yours I wanted to reach out my hand to you in kinship. I hope you have a great night and find your path to feeling better.
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11-28-2019, 08:44 PM,
#12
RE: Where does the experience end up?
I think what you want is to include in your life a certain focus upon Unity. Unity is much like a universal Law, it is always there to touch upon and it is the key to solve all paradoxes of perception. All is well, truly, and trust me I do come again and again to this realization.

This is a definition of Unity:
Quote:That which is infinite cannot be many, for many-ness is a finite concept. To have infinity you must identify or define that infinity as unity; otherwise, the term does not have any referent or meaning. In an Infinite Creator there is only unity. You have seen simple examples of unity. You have seen the prism which shows all colors stemming from the sunlight. This is a simplistic example of unity.

In truth there is no right or wrong. There is no polarity for all will be, as you would say, reconciled at some point in your dance through the mind/body/spirit complex which you amuse yourself by distorting in various ways at this time. This distortion is not in any case necessary. It is chosen by each of you as an alternative to understanding the complete unity of thought which binds all things. You are not speaking of similar or somewhat like entities or things. You are every thing, every being, every emotion, every event, every situation. You are unity. You are infinity. You are love/light, light/love. You are. This is the Law of One.

To move toward Unity, you will need to become able to accept each side of each of your thought. Things become a pattern when you are hung upon a finite thought, otherwise all things of themselves move toward realizing Unity.
I found to acknowledge Free Will as truly the very first distortion of experience a key aspect also. Although there is a notion of "free will" infringement, there is no "Free Will" infringement.

As for where it all ends, when Source ends its journey through thought away from Itself, It is back with Itself where all things begin and originate from. An end is always but the opportunity for a new beginning.

Quote:This octave density of which we have spoken is both omega and alpha, the spiritual mass of the infinite universes becoming one central sun or Creator once again. Then is born a new universe, a new infinity, a new Logos which incorporates all that the Creator has experienced of Itself.

There is no self in the sense of separate individuality, yet there is one prevailing identity.
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11-29-2019, 04:46 AM,
#13
RE: Where does the experience end up?
I agree with all the previous great advice.

And I offer my private focused support. PM me if interested
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