Greetings from Belgium..
12-06-2019, 04:15 AM, (This post was last modified: 12-06-2019, 04:27 AM by Buster.)
Greetings from Belgium..
Hi all!

I am new to this forum and I am usually not active at all on social media or communities. But as I feel a desire to get somehow in touch with people who are more 'like me' I take my chance now.
The below story is a short reminder to self of the path I have taken so far in life that I wrote a few weeks ago. It was done in Dutch and is Google-translated (yes, I"m lazy... ;-)) below.
Looking forward to all inspiring ideas and suggestions, feedback and shared stories...!

The basis of my personality today is still my childhood for me and today (I am 39) I still spend a lot of time trying to remember moments from my childhood when everything was perfectly balanced at times, the sacred fire in me firmly flared up and I felt that an important task had been set aside for me to inspire other people to experience paradise on earth just like me.
I was a child staring out the window and imagining how the planets and stars revolved around the earth, and sometimes I stopped on the street because I dreamed or sunk so deep in thought that I forgot to move. In a playful way, I excelled in everything I focused on, and when the headmaster asked me to explain my study method to the rest of the class, I made up a story. Our family was my safe, warm haven and all the other drama in the world was something I didn't see useful.
There were two major milestones / tipping points from when they still strongly define my life path today:
1. a vision (dream / NDE?) When I was about 6 (?) Years old: closely resembles the trip reports with DMT / mescaline: I only experienced it once but it took weeks before I returned to normal functioning and no longer saw my parents and other people as aliens in an alternative reality. I just went to sleep and in the morning I woke up and experienced the deepest fear, saw timelessness, unconditional love, colors that do not exist, traveled in DNA, received an explanation of gravity in relation to the changing density of the space, and suddenly sat there were concepts in my head like 'terror', 'blueprints' 'the void' that were far ahead of my level of understanding as a child at the time. I have forgotten the details but the intensity is still the benchmark for what is possible in a human body today.
2. A panic attack when I was around 10 (?) years old. This moment had been building for months, but it exploded during a game of soccer. Caused by a sense of alienation from my environment and the realization that I should shape my life in concrete terms, but that there was no equivalent to the emotions that lived within me. Should I become a physics professor, travel with Doctors without Borders, a simple life as a baker? The realization that everyone made such choices but choosing for me would always be experienced as a big loss, while this seemed to be a normal process for everyone else, made me very uncertain. I rushed home, as always my parents were very worried but had no idea what I was talking about and could not come up with solutions when I said I had ended up in a "black hole." From that moment on, the ground fell under my feet and I suddenly felt very lonely in a world that I could no longer pretend was paradise. The perfect harmony was gone and I felt that I had no choice but to delve deeper into the drama of earthly existence.

As a teenager, I often wished that I would be braver. On the outside everything went on as normal, but internally the images flashed past me in front of my eyes and with my ratio I tried to crack the code of reality until late at night so that I wake up with a headache in the morning. I grew my hair, bought a guitar and fantasized about the perfect girl from my class and the perfect love. At school I searched in vain for supporters who wanted to rebel against the stomping brainwash we had to undergo but I was only surprised at how everyone seemed to feel OK. I had many friends but no real soul mates, a feeling that I still have today.
By the time I left for the university I was in a kind of depression / bore-out / burn-out and I only had the energy to be fully entrained in the mainstream and in the long run I felt that I was just was a number in the crowd while I knew that I would have to work for a world at a higher frequency. To the outside world, everything continued to run 'normally'. I got my degree in civil engineering and started working in the corporate business world. The following years were dominated by survival and I felt that I had come 'damaged' from my teenage years and had to regain energy, with the occasional excess of alcohol and women to keep up.

I have a family now and two beautiful sons of four and six years old, in which I recognize the explosive fire of myself from the past, but more directed outwards, which means that the whole school already knows their name :-)

The last years I have the feeling that I am slowly regaining strength to back up my high ambitions from my childhood. I started as a freelancer and, for example, we take a break with our family for a few months and travel to Morocco. I have no trouble making decisions and I no longer feel compelled to participate in the rat race. I have read and studied a lot (from quantum physics / pilot wave theory, over pyramids, chakras and hermetism to Barbara Marciniak and Ra: the Law of One). Last year I did an Ayahuasca ceremony, smoked DMT changa a number of times and I now live a much healthier life, the confidence that it is possible to make a difference in this world at the service of others is back. My postmodern scientific worldview has been adjusted again to a more harmonious worldview where the soul is immortal. My third eye is running at full speed again and I have just written my second novel, making music again. I meditate and always try to be honest and kind. I also don't have the feeling that traumas from the past still have to be processed.

And yet ... There remains that constant feeling of lack of those deep emotions of yesteryear and a concrete plan of how I should spend my days now for heaven's sake. And I fluctuate ... I know that the key is in focusing on the inner and not over-rationalizing but it is difficult. Sometimes I just feel bad and I don't see the point in meditation to raise my frequency to sink away again the next day. And in the meantime, the gap with my 'materialistic' friends is widening and life seems more and more like a simulation that makes me more and more detached.
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The following 4 users Like Buster's post:
Bring4th_Plenum, Kaaron, RitaJC, sunnysideup
12-06-2019, 05:06 PM, (This post was last modified: 12-06-2019, 05:11 PM by Kaaron.)
RE: Greetings from Belgium..
We're definitely related homie.
Really enjoyed reading this and welcome to the forum.

I would like to add...perhaps the key to meditation, is doing it in every moment.
See the perfection of now and it just is.
No need to sit alone.
Bringing that Oneness into now...requires a perspective of now.

Thanks for the encouragement. Your words mean alot to other crazy people in this normal world.
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12-06-2019, 10:31 PM,
RE: Greetings from Belgium..
Welcome, Buster. Thank you for sharing your story.

There is no death, only change of worlds. -Si'ahl
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