Must have had a really good reason to be here...
03-12-2020, 02:29 AM,
Must have had a really good reason to be here...
I had three reasons to leave earth proposed to me on a single day to which I could only say "Yeah, I promised someone I'd not give up."
I did feel that whoever wanted me gone kinda overdid it. Three distinct reasons! It would be hilarious if it weren't so real. Actually no, it IS hilarious especially because it's real. (They really overdid it :'D)
I don't know about anyone else, existing here is hard for me. In fact, the general environment is of the sort that if I'm not actively creating my own energetic biosphere, I'm in agony. So I guess it's safe to say that it's not even suitable for habitation, at least for me.
So I know I must have had a damn good reason for coming. How did you guys awaken your memories? I've been deliberating whether to go in this direction or not. I have a gut feeling, now that I'm clearer than before, that losing my memories and doing over was part of why I wanted to be here.
I think I'm first gen here, as in I don't have karmic ties to the people of Earth. Why do I think so? Well, a dream. And. Because I'm bloody sensitive to higher energy frequencies and I can't even see the people of Earth as the same species: subconsciously speaking.
I look across the street, take a deep breath in of whatever metaphysical thing it is that makes up your soul signature and inside my head I'm going: "Not my people" "Not my people" "Not my people".
I can't even describe how bizarre this feeling is of "not being the same species". I guess people would feel this way if they saw aliens?
No, I'm not talking about cultural differences... Yes, I can tell the difference, this goes much deeper XP
I guess that makes me one of those 'harvest reincarnators' huh  Big Grin
I got s*** to do here. I'm reaching out because I just spent my first third of the day in abject agony. It's a metaphysical pain, but I'm feeling it palpably in my physicality.
Why does it hurt? Dunno if any of you guys play Vampire's Fall lols. But there's this bleed effect where every attack is worth s*** all but it builds up this 'bleed status' which takes a massive chunk of HP when it's full.
I have these days when all the vibrations contrary to my love and life (damage) all build up into this massive wave and comes over me all at once.
Sitting on a raised tree root, the Lord showing me how all the trees are connected, how they correspond to the essential meaning of their structures, rubbing my hand against my forearm like some traumatized kid, clutching an acorn as I walk in an effort to realign my energies, not telling anyone how I found that one of the reasons I feel so terrible is because something about the harmonics of this area being 'incomplete', 'lacking', and why it's making me feel like I have some kind of metal braces wedged in my existence like some sort of rack.

Once I stop complaining, I can tell you how beautiful God is. How I see HIM in the way the trees move, in the colours of the sky, in the shape of every flower, every leaf, how animals glow so bright that it blinds my metaphysical eyes like the sun.
I can tell you how HIS love and life permeate all things, how everything is alive, how this world is a world of terrifying light...
For light in its extremes is just as fearful as darkness, and how love demands as much as death does.
Yes, yes, I have it good. I must have a particular talent for understanding the heart of things, and that is what I have devoted all my waking hours to. Too bad there's no particular occupation for it; it is the one area where people need good thinking the most, and yet the area where everyone thinks they know best. A human thing I've never been able to understand... are we not all one? Is your problem not my problem, your pain my pain, your understanding my understanding, your love my joy?
I do not understand Terrans. It frustrates me. I do not resonate with them. And they know it too, albeit instinctively.

Ah yes. The heart of things. Haha. I just realized it's actually easier to describe pain than euphoria, it's easier to describe despair than hope. Even though I have it. Perhaps it is because I simply feel too battered today...

I'm posting in a ditch effort to find ones I can identify with as "my own". (It hurts too much for me to risk expectation, so forgive me for that.) Would that we met under happier circumstances. And who knows? Perhaps we once did.
I'm writing because it is a sad thing to suffer alone, the parts that I can't share with my loved ones because... Because.
"Hey, Mom, I feel like I'm constantly under torment. But you can't help me. You tried and it made you miserable. It made me miserable too to know that it doesn't work like that."

Yeah. Nah.

So I must have had a really good reason for coming here, good enough for all this heart-ache and other-kinds-of-ache to be worth it.
I don't want to be alone. But it hurts to reach for companionship. Like when you're fasting and you're hungry... but not as hungry as when you start looking for food and you realize your pantry is empty.
Who knows? Who knows?

If you feel a karmic tie to the writer of this post, don't tell me. Just pretend you're being a random kind person or perhaps I will be like the genie in the bottle in the original story; though admittedly one who could never muster the heart to wish you ill.

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