There is light at the end of the tunnel after all... an introduction

[Oldern]

Hello, everyone!

I have to say, the last few weeks have been quite hectic to me, spiritually, at least. Stumbling upon the Ra material, reading, reading, realizing what I already knew from other sources, but never really "believing" in it - but let us start from the beginning.

I am from Hungary, and I am 25 years old. Ever since I was little, I was fascinated and interested by all spiritual and "supernatural" - around the age 13, I have already read books describing reincarnation, history of hermetic magic, and sometimes even a "practice cookbook" was in my hands, with a lot of white incantations (whether they would have worked or not, of course, is a different matter). Then, did not really know where to turn next, I was back again in the normal life, getting my first computer, playing video games all the time. More then a decade later, I grew up to be a very selfish, very "intellectual" person. I have given up my balance, gave too much to the computers, the reading, the engaging in online discussions, the games, the laziness - and a deep-vein thrombosis and some bloodflow problems encompanied me in this journey, that reminded me heavily that I am "only human".

These were - and in a certain sense, they still are - the darkest years, the darkest days of my life. Always gaming, or writing about them, always trying to force my ego on someone else on the internet, luckily I have someone whom I love like nobody else, and she loves me too - without her, I am not sure I would have come this far. So, to continue on with my story: I still read spiritual materials, but they did not affect me at all. I knew I had to become better, but I ignored it. I thought focusing only on the mind would be good enough. My mother showed me some random link to a quantum-theory article, and I browsed through it, and found some links to an "Interview with the Hidden Hand". Everything that was written there was so catching that I literally could not stop before I read it all. I could not sleep, I KNEW that now this is the real deal. He explained the levels between "us" and the "creator" (something which I always wandered about), he used the perfect terms in the perfect places, and I just knew that he was not wrong. He mentioned that if anyone wanted near-perfect information about the upcoming Harvest and what to do, seek out lawofone.info. Then I went there. Again, I was shocked to see that this was here, in all these years, and I just lived my life, ignorantly.

Ever since this encounter, I have forced myself. I always, always had the sudden realization in random places that everything is one. Like sitting next to a stinky homeless man, seeing everyone frowning on him, and then I look in his eyes, and see the pain, see everything he missed and everything I can be - and I realized at these moments that we are all one, no matter what path we are walking on. This is the realization that I am strengthening ever since then. No angry thoughts, trying to help where I can, and now I am thinking about translating the Ra material to hungarian language (something that has not been done so far by anyone else, if I am not wrong).

Am I a wanderer? I am not sure about that. I do not think that I deserve any shortcuts in the upcoming harvest. My body bleeds from several long-left-untreated wounds (yeah, I am a hypohonder also, which, with mental strength, can be very, very dangerous ), my ego has grown so big that sometimes I am not sure where it ends, but now I feel that the path has finally found me. I have started meditating, started upon some self-healing processes, and I wanna see through all this last few months before the harvest. Wanna help to comfort as many others around me as I can. Give them entertainment (as a writer/reviewer, and a hobby game developer, that might even be possible..I am full of ideas, always), give them love, give them some manners - something that this world has been lacking strongly nowadays. If I am a wanderer, I have wandered into uncharted territory, and the light is weak - but now at least I know that it is there. I can feel it. And it feels great.

I hope it was not too long an introduction, and pardon me for grammar/spelling mistakes also - english is not my native languages, although I would like to think that I become quite accustomed to using it : ) So hello again, everyone.

[kycahi]

Welcome, Oldern, to our small/growing site. Your introduction is very similar to many others before you, so I know that you will find good company here. Look around for plenty to read and feel free to ask and answer questions. Your English is good and we freely tolerate mistakes anyway.

We all see signs of change, but we don't agree on when and how the Harvest will happen. So plan for longer than a few months and please continue to improve your health.

[Ankh]

Welcome to the forum, brother.

Take it easy on yourself. You are fortunate to have discovered the material at a young age. It made you to wake up. Enjoy yourself now and it will all come to you with time.

I hope that you like it here =)

[Confused]

You are fortunate to have discovered the material at a young age.

Yeah, Ankh is the oldest among us!!

[Ankh]

Yeah, Ankh is the oldest among us!!

*shocking eyes* You want a galactic fight? (You know that my spacecrafts have been gathering dust for too long now, and I am also bored?)

[Eddie]

Hello and welcome. You will find this a lively place.

p.s. Don't forget to explore the archives of this site. There is a lot of treasure to be unearthed there.

[Confused]

What are you saying, Ankh?!! Meerie is around your place and you are bored!! That is unfair. May the vengeance of the gods descend upon you!! And yeah, bring on the space crafts and annihilate me. I am not scared anymore of dying!! he he he

Yeah, Ankh is the oldest among us!!

*shocking eyes* You want a galactic fight? (You know that my spacecrafts have been gathering dust for too long now, and I am also bored?)

[Oldern]

Thanks, for the greetings, everyone!

Eddie: yeah, I am browsing through the forums, it is a huge and vast resource to browse through, but after finding this and being a bit more open, I already realized that I am pointed to the material that I currently need.

Also, is it just me or have there been an increase of sixth sense ("perception", knowing what will happen soon, who will call, etc) as of lately? It might be the fact that I try to stay away from the computer as much as my work allows me - when I was young, I had these precognitions much more often, after all.

[Oceania]

i think so. over the past few months i've become more psychic although i think i've managed to dull it somewhat with junk food.

[Ankh]

What are you saying, Ankh?!! Meerie is around your place and you are bored!! That is unfair. May the vengeance of the gods descend upon you!! And yeah, bring on the space crafts and annihilate me. I am not scared anymore of dying!! he he he

Good for you, my brother, and I am kidding. I have time of my life and feel really blessed.
Nice to see you alive and kicking.

[Confused]

Nice to see you alive and kicking.

Thanks, Ankh. You are a sweet darling, as usual. Love to all at home.

---

i think so. over the past few months i've become more psychic although i think i've managed to dull it somewhat with junk food.

Why do you have to dull it. Is it not a good thing?

[Oceania]

not really no. it started to creep me out i seemed to "share" thoughts with people.

[Oldern]

Alright, it is time for a "status report".

It has been a bit more than two months since I have discovered this forum and started to read the Law of One material regularly.
The changes are visible. They are very visible. Let me tell you about them.

I started practicing yoga. Before this summer, I was not really a firm believer of stuff like "auras" and "chackras". I mean I dismissed the concept because I believed that while these things might be true, the thinking and the mind is what is behind everything, and no matter how much practice in those areas, if the thinking is bad, it wont matter. This logic of mine was very, very flawed.

The first result was that my headaches are completely gone. None. I was quite suspectible to them: sleeping a bit more? Bam, headach. Bad weather? Headache. Sitting too much in front of the computer or reading too much? Headache. Now it is gone. Completely. I do not know the exact reason, but I am sure that yoga is a major reason in this. It is amazing. Also, about chakras... I see the importance and nature of colors. I meditate on chakra activating almost regularly, and I feel the effect more and more. I am doing another meditation (a guided one, a self-healing experience), and that becomes more and more intense after every chackra balancing/opening meditation. Also, while at first I believed that my only issues is with green chakra, I realized that I am "weak" in the red-yellow-orange department also. No wonder why at some aura reading a while ago, I was a deep blue-violet person. I still did not look up what that might mean now :D

Now, moving onto the Law of One "All is One Mindset". I started out slowly, but things have been kinda accelarating in the last few weeks. I had an almost enlightment-like moment a few days ago on the subway, when I had the knowledge that everyone around me is beautiful in its own way. Songs say this, people try telling other this, but it does not really affect anyone. Everyone is trapped in the mindset that only the fat-free bodies, the sleek, slender shapes of faces, the makeup, the curves are all that defines us. Not for me, not anymore. I am still fascinated by good-looking women (what fellow man is not?), but I know the reason behind it, and I am not a slave of any urges regarding this. I look at people who were considered "bad-looking" (scars, "odd" face structures, overweight, etc), and while it was "oh...I should look at them as equals" before, now I DO know they are equals of me. They really are! The "should" disappeared. Anger is very rare to approach me. It is sometimes frustration, because when we have some little talk with my girlfriend, she becomes frustrated and stubborn as soon as I say something to her that she does not wanna hear. And then when I see this, all I want is that the argument to stop before it even starts, and she is not ready for that, she wants to argue... or something like that. Saying she does not wanna argue. It is not her fault, I should learn to just shut up, as that cant hurt. I dropped competitive StarCraft II, because it is too much struggle against another Self, and that has no fruit for me anymore. Will drop Street Fighter soon, although I am drawn to that back and back because my friends there are so entertaining to talk with and play against. We never hate each other, even when in the fiercest game :)


My sixth sense is coming back. I now recognize the importance of colors. I do not see auras yet, but if I see someone act for a certain time, i am able to tell the person's life issues and the problems he/she signed up for when making this incarnation. This ability was strong in me before, but now it is almost unfallible. The problem with this is telling them what they need to hear, and not what they want to hear. Sometimes the line is thin, and it is better to just shut up because I cant cause good, but only bad...and that is hard :(

At the end of the day, I still feel that I have a lot to do. I had high-blood pressure issues combined with a stuff that makes bleedings (nosebleed, teeth-bleed, etc) more prone to happen, and I need to take that daily, and the occasional nosebleeds were gone COMPLETELY when I was on my proper diet and did my workout everyday. But a few weeks ago, my work forced me to go back to my unhealthy way (or to be more precise, I gave in to old habits easier because there were something I can blame it on..), and after a week of "Cola light + Fast Food + Sweets + Intense reading/writing work", bam, nosebleed and digestion problems are back. Hah.

I am again trying to get back to being healthy, but TWO months wont change that. I need to drop my Cola addiction, and after that, I am sure that with daily meditations, yoga, reiki and chakra activations, I will be able to erase all the wrongness and imbalances that I caused in my body for being reckless with it in the last 10-12 years. 10-12 years of bad wont go away in 2 months, but maybe in a year or two, I will be back to being fully healthy.

Sorry for the long post, and thanks to anyone who bothered to read this - I plan on doing one more update like this in november. My plans are the following in the next two months:
-Fully achieve the silent meditation, where there are no unwanted thoughts flowing
-Get rid of my Cola addiction, and all the white bread, sugar should go out of my diet
-Keep up with yoga, maybe add a different type of exercise for the end of the day (beside working with weights)
-As I stated before, I have a lot of un-written (un-coded, un-said) creativity within myself. I am writing a lot nowadays, and my goal with the guided meditations will be to determine what kind of work I need to do to embed Law of One within the project, all ready for the willing for taking, but at the same time leaving the whole integrity of the story intact for those that are not "interested" in it. This is very hard, and I know it is my purpose here, to provide a mainstream entertainment piece that has something more, something that is sacred and timeless. Something, that is inpsiring and helpful. By the time of the next update, I will need to find what kind of project this should be.

To wrap it up: I love each and every one of you for being here, even if we did not talk at all in the last months (maybe we will. maybe we wont. does not matter!), but the experience of being here, being in an environment where everyone encourages the other in his/her own growth is amazing. This is the internet at its best. And internet was already the best we can get in a free-will environment when it comes to communication with each other, I think.

[Ruth]

Oldern - today is the first time I've read your story, I'm kind of new here. I really enjoyed reading your story, and especially enjoyed your update. It warms my heart that you are making such progress in so short a time.
Light and love!

[kycahi]

Thanks for the follow-up status report, Oldern. Don't worry a bit about "backsliding" sometimes. Pick up and return to healthy behavior without disliking yourself. None of us dislikes you, so why should you?

[native]

I'm glad to hear you're progressing. One recommendation is that you not worry about achieving total silent meditation. People tend to become frustrated with the process, but meditation at its most basic level is silent contemplation of your thoughts/feelings. Meditation can instantly reveal an insight, but generally speaking, I've found that if you meditate regularly with the simple intention of laying silently with no necessity to totally reduce thoughts, the most significant impact seems to be occurring in the roots of the mind..at an almost unconscious level. Having thoughts flow through you won't affect the outcome.

So when you meditate, while you may feel centered and at peace, people tend to walk away from a meditation session thinking that nothing 'happened' or was revealed if they didn't receive some kind of insight. I've found that over a period of weeks or months, what was realized in the roots of your mind seeps its way up into your conscious thoughts. So over time realizations seem to appear, but the path was cleared in meditation.

At times, when I meditate every day I feel like I'm receiving too much information as I seem to sense it on a subconscious level. So I actually take meditation breaks, where I won't meditate for a few days or even a couple of weeks. I never have a goal to lay down and meditate for two hours. If after 20 minutes I feel that is enough, I'm fine with it.

[Oldern]

Thanks, everyone.

Icaro, good points. I definitely do not rush or force anything. Sometimes my mind wanders around, sometimes I am able to keep up an imaginative emptiness, sometimes other things happen - I do not mind any of it, it is just a goal in a long-term means. I do not want to "get" anything out of meditations right now, they are a tool to achieve better inner peace and better judgement of situations in life, when I am in "normal state".

[native]

You might want to consider trying a juice or water fast by the way. It can relieve your high-blood pressure.

[Oldern]

Since more and more people keep opening up in these threads about 12/21, about the whole idea of "being harvested" or "not being harvested", it might be about time to add my rusty cents to the pool.
I could write long, detailed paragraphs about me evaluating the chances of "dat Sudden Harvest" over the past month, but it would be hocus-pocus anyway. The mere idea of that simply phased out of my worldview in this year. Because it did not feel right to me? Because I was setting myself up to avoid a disappointment? I do not know - and I like it that way, for now.

There are, however, things that I do seem to know, if even for mere moments. I had my time of clarity during the past month - and this past year as well. There is a sharp difference between waking up one day, thanking the Creator for allowing "me" to have the ability to experience a brand new day again. Or waking up, already getting caught up in the web of everyday, "mundane" things. On that note, and really just as a sidenote, if someone would have told me that the best thing in my life before Christmas day would be SCRUBBING A POT for half an hour, I would have laughed. But it was. Simple stuff.

Anyway, moving on, before I lose you, dear readers. Friends. If anything, the Harvest, and the huge debate-threads in this forum have shined a brilliant, wonderful, hard to ignore light on some of the problems we all seem to have in regards to consistency. Worldviews. We all have a chance to come in terms with things, sooner or later - or simply now. Ahktu has an amazing thread where she describes something that I could only liken to a moving, talking "Enlightment-capsule" - the idea of being full of "spiritual knowledge" yet getting away from it so quickly, so fast - without us even recognizing it. It is a real danger, and at the same time, it is not a danger at all. Because upon realizing what one does, it is oh-so-easy to come back to a more honest, more unknowing place.
Because now is the time to come in terms with what exaclty we are, we might be. We are not all-knowing, no matter how great we are at mimicking "real" knowledge. What might be solid from one point of view, is a totally unrelatable mess when looked at from another angle. What we can do, however, is self-evaluation. If one has a long speech prepared to defend its own life decisions, then chances are that there is a HUGE, long-time evaded personal bias behind that all - and a fear behind it. And that will come out of that closet, sooner or later. Why not bring it out now?

I had my moments of clarity. In the past month, more and more, I am able to understand that my decisions are not things that only affect me. Even the smallest deeds, the slightest changes to comfort others can set up a chain of positivity that will shine down upon dozens, if not hundreds of people. Habits of avoiding certain people, certain duties, certain events became pointless when evaluated from this angle. Slight or huge inconveniences melt away in the face of a group of one or two dozen people. The more elegant my excuse was, the more I realized that I need to simply chose what is RIGHT to do. Discussions, arguments and fights lose their heat in a heartbeat once you realize that there is no anger behind it at all, no attachment. THAT change has been permanent since the past few weeks, and I am glad for it.

So, the time to get it all sorted out is NOW. Not on 20/12 or on some other arbitrary date. It is time to sit down or take a walk and think about what you want to do in your life. I loved to phantasize about other worlds. You know the type, seen in albums and meditation videos. Vibrant colors, amazing, perfectly modelled people, telepathy, flight, etc. But in all honesty, while I can still be unattending to what a friend or a complete stranger might say to me, then I have no RIGHT to dream about having telepathy. Because I clearly do not want it then. And when, realizing that it is cold outside, I just sit back in front of the computer, I should hold no illusions that it would be different in "4d". There are great explorers who are walking in the deepest forests, climbing on the deepest mountains - RIGHT NOW. I am not one of them - with my current preferences, it is unlikely that I become one. And that is fine. Being an architect, maybe? A Dreamer? And Observer? A rant-machine? Yeah, I'd love that.

There are issues that needed to be sorted out. Do we really change anything or is reality built on small building blocks that we explore as we go and we do not really "change" anything, but the frames as we move within this Infinite Theather? And if we really do not "change", then what does being helpful and being hateful mean? And if that is sorted out, then what is the deal with this inner-outer reflection thing? And if the only thing separating us from "higher existences" is simply the need to live as one, then how do we define a need strong enough for it to become a priority? These are the questions I would love to know the answers to. I might not get them anytime soon, but damn if I wont look for them while I am still here...

Happy new Year, to anyone who reads this. And to anyone who does not. I love you all regardless.

[Lycen]

Thank you Oldern!

Happy new year, to you as well .)

[Plenum]

thanks for your story and the updates Oldern.

I've been witness to your patient growth here during your times here on the forums.

you've come a long way, if I could be so bold enough to say (which I am).

all the best, and thanks for your presence

plenum