Letter to God

[AnthroHeart]

Dear God,

I am confused. I find that the mystery only deepens as I increase my awareness. Am I moving closer to you, to myself, or to anything?

I know we shouldn’t ask why, but how come I was given such a strong bias? Did I program myself in this life, or did you program me? I feel so comfortable with the feeling of being an anthro within myself. It is my greatest fulfillment I am aware of. But what if, upon exiting this world at the end of incarnation, I find I am still human? My root race just has to be anthropomorphic beings, it just has to. But if it is not, can I be happy who I am forever?

What is spiritual evolvement? Can I evolve while having what my greatest desire for fulfillment tells me, or must I settle for what I end up becoming? Are cartoon beings real? Let me suspend reality for a moment and say that they are. Does my star family miss me as much as I imagine they do? Can they feel the sacrifice I feel in my heart, to where it hurts?

God, I do thank you for the ability to feel emotions as densely as I do, for the ability to allow Tao to flow freely through me. It is this that keeps me centered, even when I ponder these questions. Even with this immense centeredness, this one bias really pulls on my heartstrings. If I saw another furry anthro being, I would not hesitate to lay down my life for them. Could I say the same for another human? Well, I do see a certain amount of anthroness in other humans as well, and am beginning to understand the importance of compassion.

What density am I in? How can I approach you without getting burned? How can I fulfill my biases so that I can be at peace with who I am?

Much Love and Light,
- Indigo Gemini Wolf

[Oceania]

i have the same questions with my bias. *hugs*

[AnthroHeart]

*hugs* that's the best answer I could have gotten. Thank you.

[Oceania]

yw

[Cassandra11]

I think you are brave.
Maybe we are just not supposed to know everything in 3d. Maybe less pondering and more joy and fun is the answer for now.

Light&Love

[3DMonkey]

More fun and joy! ABSOLUTELY! Eat Drink and have fun

[AnthroHeart]

Brave? What for posting? Nah, it was nothing really.
I'm actually quite comfortable.

Yeah, I want more fun too.

I'm going to start going to some furry events, and one in Dallas called Furry Fiesta in February. That will be a smash. Lots of costumes and cute fursuits there.

[Cassandra11]

I wrote down the first thought that came to my mind when I read your letter. Brave.
I'ts about the way you speak to the One and the way you express your self (freely and honestly), I think. Inspiring!
I'm sure god is already answering, just listen.
Furry is good

[AnthroHeart]

I am reminded of this song. My favorite of Enigma.

[AnthroHeart]

I just discovered a new word today: Pensive


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[AnthroHeart]

Dear Thomas,

You are always moving closer. At every moment, with every breath, closer.

You programmed yourself. What better way to learn compassion than by contrasting mundane with such strong bias. Your root race is indeed anthro beings. Your star family is what you need them to be. It is easy to love with these beings. How much more challenging it is to love without.

Spiritual evolvement is being, nothing more, nothing less. You can have whatever you want. This will lead to greater, and greater fulfillments as you continue to find the love within yourself.

You are indeed part of a shapechanging race. Only your fear of pain and fear of transformation are holding you back. You are already this fulfilled being. Just step into it.

You approach Creator at the pace that is right for you. Whether it burns or not, it is all a part of the experience. You are very much loved by your family. Yes, there are cartoon beings, but they are beings of light, rather than beings of paint and paper.

Continue on in your seeking of the One. And don’t forget to play.

- Your Higher Self

[AnthroHeart]

I learned a new word today: Therian

http://en.wikifur.com/wiki/Therian

That is accurate in that I don't have desire to wear a fursuit, as I feel the anthro is already within me.

[AnthroHeart]

Ok, I lied about the not wanting to wear fursuit. Today I was at a furmeet with many other furries. One person there had a partial fursuit, with head and paws. He graciously let me wear the head, so I could know what it was like. It was an awesome experience. Something I had never done before. It can make me *melts*. I was actually quite nervous putting it on.

This headpeace runs over $500. I didn't wear it too long since I didn't want to sweat in it. The head gets pretty warm inside of this. I must say one of the more amazing experiences of my life.

[Meerie]

Gem, do you feel "special" at the times of full moon? for whatever reason I was just thinking of werewolves. Any connection there? howling at the moon?
The definition of "therian" is interesting, and I like the word, it is beautiful.
some time ago I felt connection to cats, and I developed cat-like character traits.
This is over now, but recently, when I was looking down on my naked foot, for a second it turned into a reptile's foot! you know, like one these dinosaur feet, with claws. The impression was gone after a moment.
do you also sometimes look into the mirror and feel you look like a wolf, Gem?

[AnthroHeart]

Not so much a wolf, but a wolf anthro. A character like in the pic I posted above. I'm much more into cartoony beings than realistic.

I don't gain the wolf traits like desire to bite or howling.
But I do get the desire to belong with others.
If I'm at a furmeet, I almost always want to be talking with someone,
otherwise I can feel alone. I will sometimes whimper if I'm really alone.
Looking in the mirror, can't say I feel like a wolf. But I do feel like I've changed,
just can't put my finger on how.

I'm not sure if I have connection to the moon. It's possible, since on 11/11/11 I did feel
much more in tune with things.

Interesting about seeing the reptile's foot.

I do at times get a kinesthesia, feeling like having the chest, hands or tail of an anthro.
I also get a bit stronger and a little more agile when I run and such.

One fursuitter had some interesting wolf paws for his feet.

[Meerie]

Look at the kitty! sooo cute!
they sell slippers simliar to these wolfs paws over here, that look like animal feet.

[AnthroHeart]

The fursuit head had plastic taxidermy teeth. They looked authentic.
The nose was a rubbery foam material, with latex paint.
It felt real.

---

Here's a fursuit maker that has styles that I like: http://www.furaffinity.net/user/fursuiting
But a full fursuit would run $2500 from them.

[Oceania]

i'm so happy! i knew you lied. are you gonna save money? those teeth are fangtastic.

[AnthroHeart]

I love cartoony fanginess.

Well, I'm saving for the Furry Fiesta meet in February.
I won't have a fursuit that soon.

Still have to figure out my fursona.
All I know is I'm 1/4 husky, 3/4 wolf, and indigo color.

Maybe something like this. But indigo colors instead of grey and black.


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http://www.onefurall.com/gallery/display...=130&pos=6

My mom has offered to help me make a fursuit, so we might do that later when we get our sewing/embroidery machine fixed.

I mean fursuitting is one of the best things to offer to the furry fandom. It brings a lot of smiles and *hugs*

---

Perhaps this fursuitting and such is part of my path. I certainly resonate with it.
Yeah, I felt it was impractical to actually physically transform.
But I felt so much that was who I was.
I think my higher self is speaking on many levels by "stepping into it".
Probably meaning the fursuit.

Who knows. Maybe by wearing a fursuit in this reality, in another I'm actually transforming. That would be cool if that happened in another density or reality.

Then again, in another reality I am this character. I'll have to learn to channel my guides for deeper insight. Maybe channel my own higher self on a new level.

[Oceania]

i wanna be fursuitter. i love hugs.

[AnthroHeart]

Yeah Oceania, fursuiting rocks.

The feelings I've had I believe have been my guide, rather than me transforming.
Interesting how it feels hot, much like being inside of a fursuit.
I think my guide covers me like a fursuit would.
It's an interesting kind of heat.

[Oceania]

i hate cold. i'd love a fursuit.

[AnthroHeart]

Oh higher self,
I do not desire now to be an anthro, and have not for the past few days. I thought my creation would be a beautiful thing, but I feel I am offset by catalyst. I am so glad I was given the glimpse to what I desired, and realized for now, it is not something I am striving for. Maybe later, who knows.

In my striving for something so great, I became overly hypersensitive to every stimulation. I cannot carry a conversation with anyone about deep things, because the words touch me too intensely. I wanted to experience, but it becomes too much for me to bear.

Help me through these mental and emotional trials I am facing. Maybe anthro is still in my destiny, I do not know. For now, it is too extreme for me to touch. I can still admire, but to become, that is too much for me to handle.

I tried so hard to make it beautiful, but the catalyst is ugly. Did I make a mistake?

Oh higher self,
You have shown me the impossible. I am humbled, and broken. I desire to be the anthro form no more.

[zenmaster]

If you identify with "the beautiful" (whatever that may be for you) you build up energy in its opposite as it exists in the personal unconscious. Jung called it the "shadow". Completely natural.

[Oceania]

oh no

[Meerie]

I think the other side needs to be acknowledged and loved as well... the ugly, the bad, the "whatever it is that you do not like to see".

[AnthroHeart]

Interesting Meerie. I was asking myself a few weeks before all this happened "what is it I'm afraid to see". Then I am shown.

Indeed, I had built an intense positive energy around furry. Then I was forced to face the dark side of furry at the same level. This included when I camped out with two other furries who made me rather nervous. They were being themselves though, so I admired that. I'm doing better now. I was able to transmute the darker energy within myself to the Light. Plus, being on my med helps since it focused down my mind and keeps me from being overloaded. I'm going to join a counseling group as well, to talk about my problems. That should help me further. Although many wouldn't understand furry, still, it's common to have to face the dark when focused on the Light.

Don't worry Oceania, this phase isn't lasting long. I'll return to my adoration of furries and anthros in no time. I can feel it coming back, the immense love for them already. Problem is though I can't express myself sexually, not even get aroused with the med I'm on. And to me, that was a big part of the furry expression. But when I try hard, I can still do it, just that it takes an effort on my part.

I had my question answered about what it's like to be a furry. There is a dark side of furry too.

[Oceania]

don't worry, when you don't take the med it'll come back. and i don't think you need to take it forever.

[Meerie]

Interesting Meerie. I was asking myself a few weeks before all this happened "what is it I'm afraid to see". Then I am shown.

Indeed, I had built an intense positive energy around furry. Then I was forced to face the dark side of furry at the same level. This included when I camped out with two other furries who made me rather nervous. They were being themselves though, so I admired that.

What about them made you nervous? can you share?

[AnthroHeart]

I am a strong empath I'm finding. If their energy doesn't resonate with my own, when they talk, I can feel it strongly in my heart. It's a dense energy that I feel. I don't want to go into too much about them, but the discussions were not light-filled I can tell you that. I wouldn't say it was evil though. Just a little different than I'm used to.

Last night I went to a counseling group with others who have depression and bipolar and schizo-affective disorders. At the beginning I could feel the tension stronly in my heart. I didn't want to be there. But about an hour into it, the feelings eased up. I'm not sure if groups like this are best for me or not because I'm so sensitive to the energy of others.

I'm even sensitive in dreams, and that can be both exciting and scary.