09-24-2012, 08:45 PM
(This post was last modified: 09-24-2012, 08:48 PM by AnthroHeart.)
I can't say if the DMT and ayahuasca analogue I took on several occasions led to my being diagnosed schizophrenia. It's really a label that doctors put on me because I thought I was in heaven and then being dragged to hell. I had experiences like a black hole had formed in the center of the Earth and that it was my fault for it being there.
I had thought I had cracked open another Octave that was only light without love, and that this light would burn up creation, and that it was my fault. I had thought that love balances light, and that light without love was Lucifer's domain. I had at a time thought I was possessed by Lucifer.
At one time I called Ra God, and thought that Ra and Lucifer were One.
When I was in my heavenly state, I stopped going to work and was about to up and move to Colorado without any planning. I thought I was in heaven, and was going to make some rash decisions such that would have lost my job and home.
Now I'm on meds as I have mentioned numerous times. But I'm going to plan on seeing a holistic practitioner to see if there is alternative treatments for this. If I could keep my rational mind during these experiences, then I wouldn't have to worry.
But the ayahuasca analogue I took was beautiful. My doses weren't that strong. I did have one dose that was strong enough to turn my carpet into a raging sea, and seeing my furniture melting peacefully.
I still believe I can spiritually progress even on the meds I'm on. They keep the episodes under control, but I don't get to experience the heavenly feeliing I felt before either. My emotions really don't get to be expressed anymore, and I don't feel much. I've never ingested an entheogen since being diagnosed.
I had thought I had cracked open another Octave that was only light without love, and that this light would burn up creation, and that it was my fault. I had thought that love balances light, and that light without love was Lucifer's domain. I had at a time thought I was possessed by Lucifer.
At one time I called Ra God, and thought that Ra and Lucifer were One.
When I was in my heavenly state, I stopped going to work and was about to up and move to Colorado without any planning. I thought I was in heaven, and was going to make some rash decisions such that would have lost my job and home.
Now I'm on meds as I have mentioned numerous times. But I'm going to plan on seeing a holistic practitioner to see if there is alternative treatments for this. If I could keep my rational mind during these experiences, then I wouldn't have to worry.
But the ayahuasca analogue I took was beautiful. My doses weren't that strong. I did have one dose that was strong enough to turn my carpet into a raging sea, and seeing my furniture melting peacefully.
I still believe I can spiritually progress even on the meds I'm on. They keep the episodes under control, but I don't get to experience the heavenly feeliing I felt before either. My emotions really don't get to be expressed anymore, and I don't feel much. I've never ingested an entheogen since being diagnosed.