Trapped

[zimboombafoo]

Hello everyone, I am new to this board..I found it by googling "wanderers who commit suicide" as I have been having many of those thoughts lately (they have been extremely common in my 26.5 years here and have made several failed attempts at it, including one recently). My family has given up on me, my friends who I had leading up to this point have mostly split paths with me and I am currently living in a hotel room until my savings account is diminished and then I will be homeless (for the first time in my life). The only thing that is keeping me going is the possibility of this new world during this time and my yearning for it...luckily I have wifi access for my laptop here so I can use the internet from my room. I am not sure what to do at this point, I feel like I am waiting for something to happen (in terms of NESARA or some sort of "event" that is most likely not imminent) and the other half of me is wanting to throw the blow dryer in the bathtub with me because I can't escape the pain. I'm not posting this for pity purposes (pity from others does nothing for me) but merely because I feel completely trapped. When I googled the "wanderers who commit suicide" it was not with the knowledge of myself being a wanderer by just the possibility. (Many descriptions of wanderers seem to resonate with me with reflection of my life and the ways I've lived it so maybe it's within the range of a possibility). I shouldn't be feeling this way but I feel at a dead end with no where to run (nor the energy for it) and unless something magical happens I just don't know what I am going to do. Thanks all!

[Peregrinus]

Being homeless is an experience. I've been there myself, and I currently work in a drop-in center where I work face to face with approximately three hundred people experiencing homelessness each day. It pays just over poverty wage but the joy I get from helping people is worth more than any paycheck.

Therefore, I can offer a quote "If you wish for your troubles to go away, help someone else", a blessing to you, and wish you Godspeed.

[vervex]

Dear Zimboombafoo,

You are in a tough situation right now and you feel despair, it's understandable. Anyone who has been forsaken by family and friends would feel lonely. I sure would. However, do not believe you are alone because you are not. I do not know you and yet I care for your well-being and I wish with all my heart you'll get through this in one piece, stronger than before. Other people on this forum will tell you the same, doubtlessly.

If I were in your situation, the first thing I'd do would be to look for homeless shelters. There's no shame in asking for help when it is needed and these places were made for people who are passing through a rough patch like you are right now. Do not wait until you have no money anymore; having some savings widens your possibilities, especially in these crucial times. I saw in your profile that you are located in SLC and googled for you the list of homeless shelters in your area, which you can find here: http://www.homelessshelterdirectory.org/...y&state=UT

This world can be a harsh place but there are people, like Peregrinus above, who will always be there to welcome you and help you when you are in the streets. These people usually can help you find the resources you need to get into a more stable situation. For now, however, concentrate on finding a place to stay that will not cost you your savings.

You feel like you are at the bottom but you know what, there is no better place than the bottom to build yourself anew. You have nothing to lose at this point dear and since you are not bound by any responsibilities, you are free to choose your path. Take this unique opportunity to find what you REALLY want to do with your life. Take a piece of paper and a pen and write down what is it you would like to do. Imagine you had all the resources you need, no limits, what would you want to do? What do you want to be? Think of ways you could get there. Write down your ideas. Nothing is impossible by the way. Some paths will be a little bit tougher than others but, ultimately, if you take time to apply yourself, put love and energy on your goals and keep your eyes and aim forward, you WILL get there.

Dear one, please do not take your life. Instead, take this opportunity, this great challenge as a way to grow and become the person you always wanted to be. Become your ideal, live your ideal. Nothing is in the way now; your path is clear and you can start anew.

Love and light to you <3

[reeay]

Welcome to the forum. I agree with Peregrinus, seek assistance. Reach out to those who are willing to help you out to find a residence and to help you on the path of healing... Reach out.

It seems like, which ever way you go, you're seeking to ease that pain you have within you. I think it's natural to be cornered into that dark corner because, perhaps, your choice is to ease the pain, and no other choice. Have you thought about other choices? If so, what lead you to foreclose on (give up/not select) those other choices?

There are some folks who went through similar paths and I hope their stories will help you to give you some idea... that there are many choices out there when you look. So please reach out to people who are out there, working to help out others. There are suicide hotlines and 24 hour hotlines that may help you.

Big hugs.

[Lycen]

Hello and Welcome to bring4th Zimboombafoo .)

Its okay to feel what you feel, but let other feelings have their time to shine as well!

You are loved

2002 - River of Stars Imee Ooi - Om Mani Padme Hum





Remember how beautiful the world is! Live as you feel is right and you will be full of joy

[Brittany]

I can't say anything that will fix your situation, but I know how you feel. I've been passively suicidal for over a decade now, and mostly it is an internal struggle that I hide from the world. When I vocalize the feelings I tend to be met with either pity or cold lectures, neither of which do anything to lift my spirits.

One of my best friends killed himself a few months ago, and I realized that in all the things I said to try to talk him out of it, I was never really just THERE for him. He needed someone to hug him more than any of the wise words I had to offer. So pull up a bean bag chair and a beer. You have my shoulder to lean on, friend.

[Rake]

Suicide is simply not an option. I too have suffered with suicidal tendencies although my situation was not similar to yours I learnt a great deal from my 'sufferings'. Although right now you feel at a lose you must understand that it is only through the greatest of challenges that you truly know yourself. It may seem unfair and you may not understand the reasoning for this happening but know you are never alone. In this physical illusion you may be under the illusion of being separate but you are far from it.

Don't do anything rash ask yourself for answers for a 'sign' something to help guide you and give you your sense of purpose back.

[AnthroHeart]

it is only through the greatest of challenges that you truly know yourself.

I totally agree. I learned way more about myself during the difficult times. But then again, I don't always want to learn. Sometimes I just want to be.

[norral]

dear zim

i wish i had some magic words for you. something to comfort you. all i can say is that things will get better. this life is worth it. u are welcomed here and loved. i and everyone else here embrace u.

love

norral

[Guardian]

As someone who went through all of that I can say the best helpers to me were eckhart tolle the power of now and vipassana meditation. There is no change outside until there is change inside. And the realization that suicide only means you will be put in the exact same life again and again until you change inside.

[OfeksDana]

Please get through this. We need you here. Find something beautiful, let your guard down, and allow yourself to be immersed into it. Those who live to serve themselves would be happy if you committed suicide. They know how valuable you are even while you don't. Don't let them get you down with their illusions. In this life there is so much beauty, so much compassion, so much gentle understanding if you allow yourself to see it. Please open your eyes and your heart to let the light in.

[Marc]

I have not many words to say. You are a special and will come out of this trial a diamond.

Also know, "The moment contains love."

We all love you.

[Dinko]

http://www.afterlifetv.com/?s=suicide

check this out

[AnthroHeart]

Thanks Dinko. Was very informative.

[Ankh]

I know what you mean. Been there. Pressed into a corner, down on my knees, nowhere to go, dead end, being trapped, waiting for something magical to happen... etc.

I understand that probably no words in the world will help you, because my daughter is probably the only reason to why I'm still alive, not words. So I don't know what to tell you, except that - I know that it sucks. I know that it's dark. I know that ending your life seems to be the only exit.

Either way, it would be nice if you could stay with us, my brother. You are needed and infinitely loved. And whether you will or will not choose another exit, may the angels, and the Infinite One be with you, as they always are.

Lots of love to you, and good luck.

[kycahi]

Music, laughter, exercise and omega-3 fatty acids, not necessarily in that order. Please stay and help out. There's plenty for you to do.

[AnthroHeart]

I was on Omega 3-6-9's for some time, and they did nothing for my mood.
I'd still have my mental breakdowns.

[Dinko]

I was on Omega 3-6-9's for some time, and they did nothing for my mood.
I'd still have my mental breakdowns.

try brewers yeast ( lewis labs)

[kainous]

Hello everyone, I am new to this board..I found it by googling "wanderers who commit suicide" as I have been having many of those thoughts lately (they have been extremely common in my 26.5 years here and have made several failed attempts at it, including one recently). My family has given up on me, my friends who I had leading up to this point have mostly split paths with me and I am currently living in a hotel room until my savings account is diminished and then I will be homeless (for the first time in my life). The only thing that is keeping me going is the possibility of this new world during this time and my yearning for it...luckily I have wifi access for my laptop here so I can use the internet from my room. I am not sure what to do at this point, I feel like I am waiting for something to happen (in terms of NESARA or some sort of "event" that is most likely not imminent) and the other half of me is wanting to throw the blow dryer in the bathtub with me because I can't escape the pain.

Zimboombah, I can say that I have committed suicide in a previous life, and I have made several attempts in this life. I know that it hurts, and the worst part is that you don't always know what "it" is that is doing the hurting. After 33 years, I've finally started to understand a little. The pain is that of the spirit. Yes there are emotional and physical pains too, but it's the spiritual catalysts that are trying to awaken you (and I) and teach (what I feel is) a 6th to 7th density lesson while you are here in this 3rd density.

It is rough because this place is not for us, and it NEVER was for us. It is meant only for us to teach to those that ask, who don't wish to listen, which is frustrating, especially when all of their pain and suffering becomes our own as well.

So, about OUR lesson. We are hear to feel the sacramental nature of all experiences. That means that we are to learn about how sitting in a chair, talking on the computer is holy. How having ourselves thrown into a trashcan due to bullying is a holy experience. We are to learn this in order to accept this life, and especially to accept the timelessness that comes from the spiritual ennui that we experience.

It takes work to understand each moment, and listen, and accept, and love in each moment. This is not a concept that is easy to convey, nor is it something that words can truly express. It is a lesson of which we sometimes don't learn immediately, but there will be more catalysts to teach us in the future.

I'm not posting this for pity purposes (pity from others does nothing for me) but merely because I feel completely trapped.

Pity is not recognized by positively oriented entities. In fact they are unable to fully process the idea of pitying someone, only loving them. Pity is an emotion that is developed under the negative polarity. You don't have to worry about those on here pitying you. We want to help everyone. For you are a part of our body. "If you will accept this third-density analogy. Would we ignore a pain in the leg? A bruise upon the skin? A cut which is festering? No. There is no ignoring a call"

and unless something magical happens I just don't know what I am going to do. Thanks all!

Yes, we are all excited for the an age closer to that of which we recognize. This is the harshest experience of the densities. In this harshness, the catalysts are more intense and more powerful, and they can feel overwhelming. Many times the catalysts can't even be named here.

The real aspect here is to first accept that love/light is there for you. Without accepting it, love/light will not come, for it is your choice, it is your free-will. Once that has happened, open yourself to the possibility that this catalyst that you feel is temporary. It is likely to return if lessons aren't learned, but you WILL have reprieve, you WILL have time to rest.

Finally, welcome here. We are full of different kinds, those that will shower you with love in a way that may feel as if it's pity, but it's not. There will be those who wish to share wisdom with you in a matter-of-fact unemotional way. There will also be those who wish to share experience with you for which they have experienced the same, including all of the physical/emotional/spiritual pains. Our pains may be from different catalysts, but pains are pains are pains.

[3nT]

I've ponder suicide since my early teens, but all ways knew that it was not the way. Some how I always knew that been in this illusion, been here and now, it's a privilege. It takes perpetual diligence to feel, under-stand, and live in the moment. That regardless of how dark the skies are, the sun is always shining and those clouds will disperse...eventually.

When I catch my self enjoying the moment, I think " and if I had committed that selfish act I would not be having this moment.. " and when I find my self in a difficult situation I thank the creator for the opportunity to learn, my higher self for trusting me with the task, and laugh at my self and give my self a pat in the back for making it this far...34 on this lifetime!

a diamond is form under very intense pressure....

[Hototo]

My best wishes on such a hard situation.

[AnthroHeart]

It is rough because this place is not for us, and it NEVER was for us. It is meant only for us to teach to those that ask, who don't wish to listen, which is frustrating, especially when all of their pain and suffering becomes our own as well.

Thank you for bringing that up. I never thought about Earth not being the place for us. But as a wanderer I feel this is true.

This is the harshest experience of the densities. In this harshness, the catalysts are more intense and more powerful, and they can feel overwhelming. Many times the catalysts can't even be named here.

You're right there. I've been in tears over my catalyst. I wonder if in higher densities if we'll cry through sadness.

---

I've ponder suicide since my early teens, but all ways knew that it was not the way. Some how I always knew that been in this illusion, been here and now, it's a privilege. It takes perpetual diligence to feel, under-stand, and live in the moment. That regardless of how dark the skies are, the sun is always shining and those clouds will disperse...eventually.

When I catch my self enjoying the moment, I think " and if I had committed that selfish act I would not be having this moment.. " and when I find my self in a difficult situation I thank the creator for the opportunity to learn, my higher self for trusting me with the task, and laugh at my self and give my self a pat in the back for making it this far...34 on this lifetime!

a diamond is form under very intense pressure....

Spiritual catalyst made my mind go insane once to the point where I said that I had to kill myself, thinking I was headed toward a spiritual hell. I've attempted suicide once in the past as well. It was all from mistakes I thought I had made. But Ra says there are no mistakes. There are only lessons. You're right about the diamond made under intense pressure, but sometimes I wish the pressure wasn't so intense.