10-02-2009, 10:04 PM
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Hi all! New to the forum.
First, I want to say that finding this website at the time I did was completely perfect. If I'd found it sooner I probably wouldn't have been able to grasp any of the information it contained, but now it is like just another puzzle piece falling into place- something to explain all the details now that the big truth has been realized. When I started reading the various offerings on this site it verified everything I’ve up until now wondered if I was just making up. To see so many others whose experiences so mirror my own proves that the messages I’m getting are genuine, and I’ve realized what an amazing journey I’m just now beginning to take.
Second, I’d like to apologize for the length of this post. I’ve shortened it several times trying to condense it all, but my experience has been so amazing there are parts of it I just can’t leave out. What’s happened to me has been so incredible that I want everyone to know all of it!
I’ve had unusual experiences since early childhood. From an early age I could sense things that other people couldn’t, feel things that weren’t there. I could feel other people’s emotions as if they were my own and at times I’d go into ‘fits’ as I called them for so long and words would come out of my mouth that didn’t seem to belong to me. I would get images in my head of places I’d never seen and people I’d never met. I constantly felt as if I was out of place, like I didn't belong. My senses were all off the charts. High-pitched noises drove me insane, I had an acute perception of color and smell, and I wouldn’t eat a great many foods because I could “taste them chemicals in them.”
At the time I had no idea about empathy, channeling, kundalini or anything else of that nature, so as I grew older I began thinking I was insane. For the first twenty years of my life I belonged to a religion that only endorsed this notion. My church denied the existence of the paranormal, and believing in it made you a bad person. It seemed like anything anyone said or thought was an abomination in the Lord’s eyes, and I was convinced that I was some kind of crazy, defective black sheep that was going to rot in the looney bin then burn in hell.
For a while things were bad. My ‘fits’ got worse as I got older, and I started wondering if I was possessed. Sometimes I would get very violent. My face and voice would change and I would scream for hours on end and pull out my hair. Other times I would suddenly act serenely peaceful and give words of wisdom that seemed far to deep to have come from my own mind. Still other times I would just act silly, laughing and making funny noises. It was only lately that a fellow psychic was kind enough to explain that I’m a natural channeler, and have had a multitude of entities pass through me when I was so emotionally vulnerable.
Needless to say, no one in my family or circle of friends understood what was going on. Some accused me of making it all up for attention and others thought I was psychotic. I bounced in and out of psychiatric hospitals for years and was put on a bunch of powerful medications that clouded my thoughts, slowed my body and nearly became the end of me. I was passed from doctor to doctor, drug to drug, but none of them could figure out what was wrong with me and none of the treatments did much of anything to quell my symptoms. I felt like I was in hell, like everyone hated me and things would never get better.
Then, I decided I’d had enough. When I entered my junior year of college a hole tore in the box I’d been living in and I began realizing that maybe things weren’t the way I’d been raised to believe. Maybe it was the new friends I was meeting or my inner energies shifting, but for some reason I knew now was time to take things into my own hands. Leaving my church was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Though I could no longer believe that God was some judgmental being lording over cowering humans and tossing us into hell at will, I had no idea what I did want to believe. I had to leave everything I’d ever known behind, but I realized that if I stayed where I was I was just going to go crazy.
Around this time I met a wonderful man who eventually became my husband. He was incredibly open-minded and didn’t seem to judge me at all. I laugh when I remember our first phone call, in which I said something along the lines of: “I’m a masochist and kind of psychotic.” and he said something along the lines of: “Oh, that’s cool, then.” We immediately became very close, and with him supporting me I suddenly began gathering the confidence to get a grip on myself and start trying to change my life.
I flushed my meds. The withdrawals were awful, but eventually the drugs were out of my system and I was able to think clearer. Some of the side effects of those drugs persist to this day- I still have involuntary muscle twitches and trouble articulating words, but I was blowing the fog out of my head and it instantly felt better. I began experimenting with different religions, still feeling a very powerful connection to God, but nothing seemed quite right. There was always something missing, and I didn’t see how there could be so many concepts of God and only one of them be right.
It is my belief that everyone has at least one big moment in their lives where they have the potential to have an epiphany- that big “aha!” moment that can truly define them. My first of these moments came during this time. I had moved in with my then-boyfriend, and one morning I got up, went into the living room, flipped on the TV, and saw a show about Roswell. I’d never had a huge interest in aliens before that show, but suddenly I felt like I needed to learn everything there was to know about them.
I immediately went to the library to see what I could find. A lot of it was stupid, but a few authors seemed to have a more mature perspective that intrigued me greatly. I discovered the book ‘Calling on Extraterrestrials’ by Lisette Larkins, and immediately devoured it. It seemed to be what the doctor had ordered. It talked about humans being able to communicate with Ets to reach spiritual enlightenment, if they would just open themselves up to contact. I instantly set about trying to establish this contact, as it seemed wonderful.
To my disappointment, no UFOs flew by my window at night. I wanted something amazing to happen right then, and I was angry when it didn’t. I didn’t notice the little changes that took place after I made that affirmation to change nearly as well as I should have. I started getting tingling sensations, as if electricity was jolting through me. My senses heightened and I began having vivid dreams and waking up with strange marks on my body. Still, nothing huge was going on, so I figured the attempt to be a failure. I didn’t realize then how much I needed time to grow and adjust. If everything had happened all at once I probably would have just landed in the nuthouse again, but I was impatient and stubborn so I gave in to depression again.
For a while my quest for spiritual enlightenment was an on-and-off thing. I’d go through periods where I was sure something was happening and I’d be really into it, and some periods where I was sure I’d be better off dead. I married my husband in 2008, and I can say with pride that he stuck by me through it all. When I talked to him about aliens, ghosts, kundalini (I’d recently discovered that term on the internet and wondered if it was pertinent) and any number of other things that would have caused most people to stare at me in alarm, he accepted it all. He still isn’t sure exactly what he believes, but he says he believes anything is possible, which is good enough for me.
Then, there was my second AHA! moment. We were in a store that catered to the metaphysical when I saw a flier for a psychic fair. I decided it might be fun to go and managed to get the day off. My hubby tagged along, though he was a bit spooked by it all. When we arrived I was somewhat disappointed. A lot of the psychics seemed to be fakes who wanted to charge big bucks to stare at some cards and tell you a tall, handsome stranger was about to walk into your life.
We walked up to a booth that sold crystals (I absolutely adore rocks and crystals and have a huge collection) and the man behind the booth immediately drew my attention to some phantom crystals he was selling. This struck me as odd, because I have a special affection for phantom crystals and he immediately pointed them out. Coincidence? Strangely, the crystal that begged me to take it home wasn’t any of the beautiful phantoms, but a smaller crystal with tourmaline inclusions in it that looked like little needles. It reminded me of the pain I was feeling so I bought it.
We were considering leaving, as it wasn’t a big place and nothing seemed incredibly interesting, but as I clutched my crystal a little voice inside said: Wait! There’s someone coming you’ll want to talk to! I really wanted to go home- I was hot and hungry and bored- but I decided to heed the voice anyway, as I’d really been hoping to find someone to share my experiences with. We headed inside and saw that someone was giving a lecture at that exact time. It was a Catholic priest of all people, giving a talk on demonology.
I listened to the talk avidly, as I was still having the ‘fits’ quite often and was still wondering if I was possessed. I quickly realized that if this guy knew what he was talking about, I wasn’t in contact with demons. After his talk I asked if I could talk to him in private. He readily agreed and found a place where my husband and I could talk to him one on one. I told him I didn’t think I was possessed, but since he’d seen a lot I was wondering if maybe he knew what was going on with me. I then began to relate my experiences and he only nodded, a growing realization on his face.
“Oh, you have empathy.” he said, explaining that there were many who could feel other’s emotions, and that it could be a marvelous gift. He also didn’t seem surprised to hear of my visions or strange physical symptoms. He said I might want to talk to some of the other psychics and try some energy work. I was flabbergasted to hear this coming from a priest! He had a very open mind and said he accepted other religions as much as his own. He’d seen the paranormal firsthand and would be stupid to deny it. He said my ‘fits’ were likely the result of me taking in so much negative energy- since I didn’t know how to ground myself it would just build up till it exploded!
He took me to one of the psychics there- an older woman, and asked if she could talk to me a little and see if she could help me, as this wasn’t exactly his area of expertise. I was afraid she would charge me by the hour, but she eagerly talked with me and did some reiki on me completely free of charge. When I told her how, sometimes during the ‘fits’ it seemed as if I wasn’t in control of my own body she explained that I was channeling- that I had a natural gift at it that she only wished she could have. She said all I had to do was learn how to ground myself and establish some mental boundaries and I’d be able to start helping spirits instead of letting them pass through me at random.
She then introduced me to a shaman who said all I needed was a little training and I’d be fine. Everyone there was so nice and told me exactly what I needed to hear! When I left I felt as light as air, as if a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I wasn’t a freak. I wasn’t psychotic or demon-possessed. There were others like me, and they were able to use what they had to *help* people.
Since that day the light has gotten brighter and brighter for me. I’ve realized that the presences I felt as a child that terrified me are mostly benign spirits who just want a little help. My intuition has gotten sharper and sharper, and I’ve been drawn to various books, websites, etc. exactly when I needed them. Everything has been falling into place, one piece at a time. Now that I look back I can see how amazing a journey I’ve been on and I wouldn’t trade a minute of it. Even though I was so impatient God took care of me exactly as I needed Him to.
I’ve learned to see the world through a whole new perspective. I can now take joy in day-to-day activities. Where I was once disgusted with people in general I now see their pain as an opportunity to help them. I realize how much those thoughtless people are hurting, how much they just need someone to lean on. I have the ability to feel their pain, know what they’re going through, and offer the right advice, and it feels so good when I bring smiles to people’s faces.
I’ve met my spirit guide, and he seemed relieved that I’d finally knocked on the door and asked him to help. I get the feeling he was waiting for a good while! The wisdom he imparts is so profound- each little bit of it impacts my life in such huge ways. He’s also introduced me to others who have told me things about what comes after this life and a little about the big changes in store for earth. I’m so excited now, at this opportunity that’s coming our way! Every day is a new and exciting experience, with so much to learn, so much to do! I see the world through completely different eyes.
When I found this site I felt like I was coming home. The last little details I’d been having trouble figuring out clicked into place. I am SO GLAD this place exists and I can’t wait to meet others who have seen the world through wanderer’s eyes. Though I’ve never felt as if I truly belong on this planet, I love it with all my heart and for the first time in ages I have hope. My main problem now is not bursting into tears of joy every few seconds- it kind of alarms people. I don’t know anyone here personally yet, but I can honestly say I love you so much and THANK YOU!!!
Hi all! New to the forum.
First, I want to say that finding this website at the time I did was completely perfect. If I'd found it sooner I probably wouldn't have been able to grasp any of the information it contained, but now it is like just another puzzle piece falling into place- something to explain all the details now that the big truth has been realized. When I started reading the various offerings on this site it verified everything I’ve up until now wondered if I was just making up. To see so many others whose experiences so mirror my own proves that the messages I’m getting are genuine, and I’ve realized what an amazing journey I’m just now beginning to take.
Second, I’d like to apologize for the length of this post. I’ve shortened it several times trying to condense it all, but my experience has been so amazing there are parts of it I just can’t leave out. What’s happened to me has been so incredible that I want everyone to know all of it!
I’ve had unusual experiences since early childhood. From an early age I could sense things that other people couldn’t, feel things that weren’t there. I could feel other people’s emotions as if they were my own and at times I’d go into ‘fits’ as I called them for so long and words would come out of my mouth that didn’t seem to belong to me. I would get images in my head of places I’d never seen and people I’d never met. I constantly felt as if I was out of place, like I didn't belong. My senses were all off the charts. High-pitched noises drove me insane, I had an acute perception of color and smell, and I wouldn’t eat a great many foods because I could “taste them chemicals in them.”
At the time I had no idea about empathy, channeling, kundalini or anything else of that nature, so as I grew older I began thinking I was insane. For the first twenty years of my life I belonged to a religion that only endorsed this notion. My church denied the existence of the paranormal, and believing in it made you a bad person. It seemed like anything anyone said or thought was an abomination in the Lord’s eyes, and I was convinced that I was some kind of crazy, defective black sheep that was going to rot in the looney bin then burn in hell.
For a while things were bad. My ‘fits’ got worse as I got older, and I started wondering if I was possessed. Sometimes I would get very violent. My face and voice would change and I would scream for hours on end and pull out my hair. Other times I would suddenly act serenely peaceful and give words of wisdom that seemed far to deep to have come from my own mind. Still other times I would just act silly, laughing and making funny noises. It was only lately that a fellow psychic was kind enough to explain that I’m a natural channeler, and have had a multitude of entities pass through me when I was so emotionally vulnerable.
Needless to say, no one in my family or circle of friends understood what was going on. Some accused me of making it all up for attention and others thought I was psychotic. I bounced in and out of psychiatric hospitals for years and was put on a bunch of powerful medications that clouded my thoughts, slowed my body and nearly became the end of me. I was passed from doctor to doctor, drug to drug, but none of them could figure out what was wrong with me and none of the treatments did much of anything to quell my symptoms. I felt like I was in hell, like everyone hated me and things would never get better.
Then, I decided I’d had enough. When I entered my junior year of college a hole tore in the box I’d been living in and I began realizing that maybe things weren’t the way I’d been raised to believe. Maybe it was the new friends I was meeting or my inner energies shifting, but for some reason I knew now was time to take things into my own hands. Leaving my church was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Though I could no longer believe that God was some judgmental being lording over cowering humans and tossing us into hell at will, I had no idea what I did want to believe. I had to leave everything I’d ever known behind, but I realized that if I stayed where I was I was just going to go crazy.
Around this time I met a wonderful man who eventually became my husband. He was incredibly open-minded and didn’t seem to judge me at all. I laugh when I remember our first phone call, in which I said something along the lines of: “I’m a masochist and kind of psychotic.” and he said something along the lines of: “Oh, that’s cool, then.” We immediately became very close, and with him supporting me I suddenly began gathering the confidence to get a grip on myself and start trying to change my life.
I flushed my meds. The withdrawals were awful, but eventually the drugs were out of my system and I was able to think clearer. Some of the side effects of those drugs persist to this day- I still have involuntary muscle twitches and trouble articulating words, but I was blowing the fog out of my head and it instantly felt better. I began experimenting with different religions, still feeling a very powerful connection to God, but nothing seemed quite right. There was always something missing, and I didn’t see how there could be so many concepts of God and only one of them be right.
It is my belief that everyone has at least one big moment in their lives where they have the potential to have an epiphany- that big “aha!” moment that can truly define them. My first of these moments came during this time. I had moved in with my then-boyfriend, and one morning I got up, went into the living room, flipped on the TV, and saw a show about Roswell. I’d never had a huge interest in aliens before that show, but suddenly I felt like I needed to learn everything there was to know about them.
I immediately went to the library to see what I could find. A lot of it was stupid, but a few authors seemed to have a more mature perspective that intrigued me greatly. I discovered the book ‘Calling on Extraterrestrials’ by Lisette Larkins, and immediately devoured it. It seemed to be what the doctor had ordered. It talked about humans being able to communicate with Ets to reach spiritual enlightenment, if they would just open themselves up to contact. I instantly set about trying to establish this contact, as it seemed wonderful.
To my disappointment, no UFOs flew by my window at night. I wanted something amazing to happen right then, and I was angry when it didn’t. I didn’t notice the little changes that took place after I made that affirmation to change nearly as well as I should have. I started getting tingling sensations, as if electricity was jolting through me. My senses heightened and I began having vivid dreams and waking up with strange marks on my body. Still, nothing huge was going on, so I figured the attempt to be a failure. I didn’t realize then how much I needed time to grow and adjust. If everything had happened all at once I probably would have just landed in the nuthouse again, but I was impatient and stubborn so I gave in to depression again.
For a while my quest for spiritual enlightenment was an on-and-off thing. I’d go through periods where I was sure something was happening and I’d be really into it, and some periods where I was sure I’d be better off dead. I married my husband in 2008, and I can say with pride that he stuck by me through it all. When I talked to him about aliens, ghosts, kundalini (I’d recently discovered that term on the internet and wondered if it was pertinent) and any number of other things that would have caused most people to stare at me in alarm, he accepted it all. He still isn’t sure exactly what he believes, but he says he believes anything is possible, which is good enough for me.
Then, there was my second AHA! moment. We were in a store that catered to the metaphysical when I saw a flier for a psychic fair. I decided it might be fun to go and managed to get the day off. My hubby tagged along, though he was a bit spooked by it all. When we arrived I was somewhat disappointed. A lot of the psychics seemed to be fakes who wanted to charge big bucks to stare at some cards and tell you a tall, handsome stranger was about to walk into your life.
We walked up to a booth that sold crystals (I absolutely adore rocks and crystals and have a huge collection) and the man behind the booth immediately drew my attention to some phantom crystals he was selling. This struck me as odd, because I have a special affection for phantom crystals and he immediately pointed them out. Coincidence? Strangely, the crystal that begged me to take it home wasn’t any of the beautiful phantoms, but a smaller crystal with tourmaline inclusions in it that looked like little needles. It reminded me of the pain I was feeling so I bought it.
We were considering leaving, as it wasn’t a big place and nothing seemed incredibly interesting, but as I clutched my crystal a little voice inside said: Wait! There’s someone coming you’ll want to talk to! I really wanted to go home- I was hot and hungry and bored- but I decided to heed the voice anyway, as I’d really been hoping to find someone to share my experiences with. We headed inside and saw that someone was giving a lecture at that exact time. It was a Catholic priest of all people, giving a talk on demonology.
I listened to the talk avidly, as I was still having the ‘fits’ quite often and was still wondering if I was possessed. I quickly realized that if this guy knew what he was talking about, I wasn’t in contact with demons. After his talk I asked if I could talk to him in private. He readily agreed and found a place where my husband and I could talk to him one on one. I told him I didn’t think I was possessed, but since he’d seen a lot I was wondering if maybe he knew what was going on with me. I then began to relate my experiences and he only nodded, a growing realization on his face.
“Oh, you have empathy.” he said, explaining that there were many who could feel other’s emotions, and that it could be a marvelous gift. He also didn’t seem surprised to hear of my visions or strange physical symptoms. He said I might want to talk to some of the other psychics and try some energy work. I was flabbergasted to hear this coming from a priest! He had a very open mind and said he accepted other religions as much as his own. He’d seen the paranormal firsthand and would be stupid to deny it. He said my ‘fits’ were likely the result of me taking in so much negative energy- since I didn’t know how to ground myself it would just build up till it exploded!
He took me to one of the psychics there- an older woman, and asked if she could talk to me a little and see if she could help me, as this wasn’t exactly his area of expertise. I was afraid she would charge me by the hour, but she eagerly talked with me and did some reiki on me completely free of charge. When I told her how, sometimes during the ‘fits’ it seemed as if I wasn’t in control of my own body she explained that I was channeling- that I had a natural gift at it that she only wished she could have. She said all I had to do was learn how to ground myself and establish some mental boundaries and I’d be able to start helping spirits instead of letting them pass through me at random.
She then introduced me to a shaman who said all I needed was a little training and I’d be fine. Everyone there was so nice and told me exactly what I needed to hear! When I left I felt as light as air, as if a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I wasn’t a freak. I wasn’t psychotic or demon-possessed. There were others like me, and they were able to use what they had to *help* people.
Since that day the light has gotten brighter and brighter for me. I’ve realized that the presences I felt as a child that terrified me are mostly benign spirits who just want a little help. My intuition has gotten sharper and sharper, and I’ve been drawn to various books, websites, etc. exactly when I needed them. Everything has been falling into place, one piece at a time. Now that I look back I can see how amazing a journey I’ve been on and I wouldn’t trade a minute of it. Even though I was so impatient God took care of me exactly as I needed Him to.
I’ve learned to see the world through a whole new perspective. I can now take joy in day-to-day activities. Where I was once disgusted with people in general I now see their pain as an opportunity to help them. I realize how much those thoughtless people are hurting, how much they just need someone to lean on. I have the ability to feel their pain, know what they’re going through, and offer the right advice, and it feels so good when I bring smiles to people’s faces.
I’ve met my spirit guide, and he seemed relieved that I’d finally knocked on the door and asked him to help. I get the feeling he was waiting for a good while! The wisdom he imparts is so profound- each little bit of it impacts my life in such huge ways. He’s also introduced me to others who have told me things about what comes after this life and a little about the big changes in store for earth. I’m so excited now, at this opportunity that’s coming our way! Every day is a new and exciting experience, with so much to learn, so much to do! I see the world through completely different eyes.
When I found this site I felt like I was coming home. The last little details I’d been having trouble figuring out clicked into place. I am SO GLAD this place exists and I can’t wait to meet others who have seen the world through wanderer’s eyes. Though I’ve never felt as if I truly belong on this planet, I love it with all my heart and for the first time in ages I have hope. My main problem now is not bursting into tears of joy every few seconds- it kind of alarms people. I don’t know anyone here personally yet, but I can honestly say I love you so much and THANK YOU!!!