12-27-2017, 04:36 AM
Ankh, if I may share my experience as I feel it might be interesting and relevant. I've never put a cigarette to my lips, and I never smoked even once until 2013 when my bestfriend at the time coaxed me into trying hookah (and by coaxed I mean flirted with me to get my cooperation.) I was 21 the first time I smoked hookah, and weed, and got drunk for the first time ever.
I was judgmental towards smokers, the smell was gross and my mother's breath was so bad it made my gf quit cigarettes and I'm no stranger to that foul breath screaming at me with rancid odor. My father told me as a child, "Don't smoke, it's expensive." That stuck until 21.
As someone's who's partaken in hookah, weed, alcohol, and one time shrooms, I no longer judge smokers. I didn't understand addiction like I do now.
Now I consider myself a weed and porn combo addict, and I am honestly ashamed of my struggle to shake those addictions. Weed was a spiritual tool for me at one point, now it's an equalizer, the high brings me to normal. And porn...It is such a weird experience being disgusted with one's self once the hormones wear off. I have made steps to reduce porn consumption and it works, but I want to QUIT.
It is a cruel irony, that something intended for 18+ year olds is available with ( -takes a moment to think it out- ), less than five nouse clicks and less than 10 keystrokes to pull up hundreds of hours of sexual content. Worst is what this addiction has done to me, the way it reshaped my reality, and made me ignorant and desensitized to rape, racism, sexism, pedo inferences, and wrecked my sexuality to be perverse, weird, and confused. I identified with the women in porn more than men, and weed only made me go deeper into that pornographic world.
Addiction is terrifying, it reveals how little we are in control of ourselves on a moment by moment basis.
I only pray I'll never know addiction to alcohol or anything else. Addiction has taught me so much about myself, but the more I try to shake it, the more I feel this sense of helplessness, the little voice saying 'I don't just want it, I NEED it.' I know I don't, but I've got a list of excuses, but they won't hold up.
Looking back, I feel compromised, like I've failed to realize a toxic influence upon me.
Porn is one of the sickest things I've let into my life, and I fear I'll be struggling all my life to keep it's influence under control.
As for weed, I want to not be addicted to it, it is supposed to be a spiritual tool, but I abuse it to keep myself from depression and it doesn't always work and worse sometimes makes things worse, then I retreat into the fantasy world of porn to forve myself to calm down.
It's a vicious circle and a powerful catalyst, I wouldn't be surprised if nearly 100% of all wanderers have an addiction to something.
My half sister OD'd on heroin, my ex gf had a friend who OD'd on meth. I knew a customer with a gambling addiction who gambled away her house, car, and other things ruining her life. My half brother is an alcoholic. One of my cousins is addicted to heroin. It's terrifying having a predisposition, a proclivity towards substance abuse genetically and mentally.
I can only forgive the ignorance of those I was once like, and pray they never know addiction, and remain blissful with such ignorance.
I might say Ignorance Is Bliss but Truth is Decadence, but truly, ignorance isn't bad and truth isn't good. I just hope... Sigh. I loved my half sister, she was the ONLY family member I...Felt a connection with. Addiction destroyed our relationship and her life.
I don't want to end up like that with porn and weed, wherever that road might prematurely end (suicide via loneliness from pprnographic delusions maybe?) I don't want to go there.
I wish I was there for Melissa... But it's too late now...
So, addiction, please, pleeeeaasse, if you know someone suffering from it, the last thing needed is judgment, the most important thing needed is support.
The scientific discoveries of what causes addiction have turned out to be Loneliness. Loneliness increases risk of addiction (via substance abuse, including pornography). An addict is by inference of that title, Lonely and thus feel alone and worthless in their own mind. Judgment only sinks those feelings in deeper. Support digs them out, and hopefully in time removes them.
Thank you for bringing up the differences of perspective in regards to people with and without addiction. I pray that addiction can be stopped one day, and that we discover how to counteract addiction biologically to help ween the addicted off of their substance(s) of choice and help them heal a bit easier.
And I'm sorry if this is an unwelcome comment, but I hope you're not suffering from bouts of dizziness anymore, my ex when she was pregnant suffered from severe dizziness, she used to freak out terrified she'd lose balance and hurt the baby. It is debilitating, and I hope you are free of such now.
I was judgmental towards smokers, the smell was gross and my mother's breath was so bad it made my gf quit cigarettes and I'm no stranger to that foul breath screaming at me with rancid odor. My father told me as a child, "Don't smoke, it's expensive." That stuck until 21.
As someone's who's partaken in hookah, weed, alcohol, and one time shrooms, I no longer judge smokers. I didn't understand addiction like I do now.
Now I consider myself a weed and porn combo addict, and I am honestly ashamed of my struggle to shake those addictions. Weed was a spiritual tool for me at one point, now it's an equalizer, the high brings me to normal. And porn...It is such a weird experience being disgusted with one's self once the hormones wear off. I have made steps to reduce porn consumption and it works, but I want to QUIT.
It is a cruel irony, that something intended for 18+ year olds is available with ( -takes a moment to think it out- ), less than five nouse clicks and less than 10 keystrokes to pull up hundreds of hours of sexual content. Worst is what this addiction has done to me, the way it reshaped my reality, and made me ignorant and desensitized to rape, racism, sexism, pedo inferences, and wrecked my sexuality to be perverse, weird, and confused. I identified with the women in porn more than men, and weed only made me go deeper into that pornographic world.
Addiction is terrifying, it reveals how little we are in control of ourselves on a moment by moment basis.
I only pray I'll never know addiction to alcohol or anything else. Addiction has taught me so much about myself, but the more I try to shake it, the more I feel this sense of helplessness, the little voice saying 'I don't just want it, I NEED it.' I know I don't, but I've got a list of excuses, but they won't hold up.
Looking back, I feel compromised, like I've failed to realize a toxic influence upon me.
Porn is one of the sickest things I've let into my life, and I fear I'll be struggling all my life to keep it's influence under control.
As for weed, I want to not be addicted to it, it is supposed to be a spiritual tool, but I abuse it to keep myself from depression and it doesn't always work and worse sometimes makes things worse, then I retreat into the fantasy world of porn to forve myself to calm down.
It's a vicious circle and a powerful catalyst, I wouldn't be surprised if nearly 100% of all wanderers have an addiction to something.
My half sister OD'd on heroin, my ex gf had a friend who OD'd on meth. I knew a customer with a gambling addiction who gambled away her house, car, and other things ruining her life. My half brother is an alcoholic. One of my cousins is addicted to heroin. It's terrifying having a predisposition, a proclivity towards substance abuse genetically and mentally.
I can only forgive the ignorance of those I was once like, and pray they never know addiction, and remain blissful with such ignorance.
I might say Ignorance Is Bliss but Truth is Decadence, but truly, ignorance isn't bad and truth isn't good. I just hope... Sigh. I loved my half sister, she was the ONLY family member I...Felt a connection with. Addiction destroyed our relationship and her life.
I don't want to end up like that with porn and weed, wherever that road might prematurely end (suicide via loneliness from pprnographic delusions maybe?) I don't want to go there.
I wish I was there for Melissa... But it's too late now...
So, addiction, please, pleeeeaasse, if you know someone suffering from it, the last thing needed is judgment, the most important thing needed is support.
The scientific discoveries of what causes addiction have turned out to be Loneliness. Loneliness increases risk of addiction (via substance abuse, including pornography). An addict is by inference of that title, Lonely and thus feel alone and worthless in their own mind. Judgment only sinks those feelings in deeper. Support digs them out, and hopefully in time removes them.
Thank you for bringing up the differences of perspective in regards to people with and without addiction. I pray that addiction can be stopped one day, and that we discover how to counteract addiction biologically to help ween the addicted off of their substance(s) of choice and help them heal a bit easier.
And I'm sorry if this is an unwelcome comment, but I hope you're not suffering from bouts of dizziness anymore, my ex when she was pregnant suffered from severe dizziness, she used to freak out terrified she'd lose balance and hurt the baby. It is debilitating, and I hope you are free of such now.