I did the Morning Offering and then got myself ready for the day. Today the Q’uo quote comes from April 5, 1992:
The topic this afternoon has to do with communication, especially communication between partners or people who are very close in their relationships, where we would expect that such a situation would lend itself to clearer and easier communication than one with perhaps a stranger. What occurs frequently is that there is a difficulty or a baffling in the communication, where even though both people try to their best abilities to communicate clearly, there is something that injects itself in the communication that causes a difficulty or a muddying of the communication. What would be the advice in such a situation? Would it be better if we attempted to stick it out and work as hard as we can with the person and to finally achieve a mutually agreed-upon clear communication? Or, when you find such difficulties and they recur, perhaps as a pattern, is it better to look at yourself in the contemplative or the meditative state to see if there might be some kind of an internal blockage or problem that you are working with in that particular area where the communication is unclear? Would that be an avenue that might provide clarification, not only to that particular communication, but in your ability to communicate in general? What would be the advice in such a situation as a way by which we could clear our communication?
(Carla channeling)
We are those known to you as the principle Q’uo. Greetings to each of you in the love and in the Light of the one infinite Creator. What a privilege it is to be called to your group this day and to rest in the beauty of your vibrations as you sit in meditation. We would offer to you our opinions this day upon the subject of communication, more especially, the problems of communication with those with whom an entity communicates most frequently, those best known, those most familiar other selves within an entity’s environment.
As we speak of communication in this light, it is well we begin by pointing out that the difficulties of communication with strangers are far more easily addressed by linear linguistic analysis than those difficulties in clear communication harbored by those whose interactions are numerous and have taken place over a substantial period of what you call your time. If there is a misunderstood word betwixt oneself and another self which is a stranger, there is either the prejudice which is generic—the one not knowing the word feeling the other is a snob, the one knowing the word feeling that the other is ignorant—or there is a querying as to the meaning of the not-understood word, and communication resumes quickly. If there is a point of view that does not make sense to another’s point of view, strangers may well say they do not understand. Again, communication breakdown is not at all probable, for it is more obvious that there needs to be a question for information.
There are many cases where, because of deeply ingrained distortions in concept about the nature of certain kinds of entities, whether the prejudice be racial, or economic, or social, or intellectual, breakdowns in communication will follow more closely the pattern of breakdowns in communication amongst intimates. The more heavy the bias or distortion, the more frequent the breakdowns and the more characteristic is the underlying cause being a distortion of mind which refuses to admit certain information from certain types of people as judged by the communicator. Now, let us move into the area of your query this day.
The group question for this session was how to communicate clearly with someone who is close to you. When you have difficulty communicating clearly with them, is it better to keep trying until you are able to communicate, or if the difficulties continue to occur, is it better to take some time to examine one’s own being to see if there are some blockages to clear communication that need to be removed? Q’uo began their response by sharing some general information about clear communication. They said that communication with strangers is usually easier because of linguistic analysis or referring to things like grammar, spelling, and punctuation, or being able to use language effectively. However, Q’uo also said that communication with strangers could be ineffective due to certain prejudices like racial, economic, social, or intellectual qualities that would cause a lack of understanding to occur. On October 27, 1985, L/Leema spoke of how to deal with unclear communication:
When it seems apparent that there is a lack of communication between two entities, that there are hurt feelings and insults, one must look to the love in the insult and the love in the hurt feelings, for both of these pains belong to the emotional self and are a distortion of love.
Moving back beyond the beginning of a relationship, moving to a time before there was a relationship, each entity within the relationship was an entity unto itself, yet beneath that truth lay substrata of influences carried into the incarnation and further distorted by early experiences with other selves in the intimate family circle. When two entities meet, they are seemingly to each other fresh out of the bandbox: sparkling, virginal and new. Yet in each case, the surface appearance deceives, for each carries a tremendous baggage of previously held biases, some of which might be contradictory to the self, yet equally strongly held, many of which may well be self-destructive. These biases and distortions of opinion are as much a part of what is to be called good about an entity as those things which seemingly would be more apparently good, clear and positive traits such as honesty, judgment and fairness. For each eccentricity, each distortion creates a catalyst with regard to the reflections given to the other self in an intimate relationship, a catalyst that the entity would not have if there were no distortion whatsoever within the intimate mate or companion.
So, as the one known as Jim was thinking and feeling earlier it is indeed true that miscommunication, as well as communication, is good and proper and to be appreciated. Even with clear communication and no bias, errors in transfer of opinions, concepts, processes of learning and ideation will occur. There is not such a thing within your density as perfect communication, certainly not while words are being used. So we do not suggest devaluing the self because of biases that seem to thwart easy communication. Before any relationships have importance enough that they constitute that to which attention must be given, lies the attention to the self, to the grasping of the generalities about the self, while respecting always the infinite mystery of the self.
The life experiences need to be examined, not simply analyzed, but felt and considered, somewhat out of focus, in their relaxed and reflective manner so that patterns will appear, so that dream material can be correlated to events of the day, so that all of the parts of the mind and the deep mind may, in that relaxed state of mind, merge together to form new possibility, new avenues of thought, and a grasp of situations, so that new ways and tools may be found to forge simpler and more lasting bonds of word in body motion, making communication lighter and clearer and more lucid. So, as always, the work with another begins within the self and communicating with the self. When your feet are on solid ground in regard to the self, there is then the placement of the pivot, the point of balance, the fulcrum, the place from which one may move without losing the balance, without toppling too heavy a load, and without toppling as a life experience as one falls completely away from balance in a traumatic situation.
So we assume as we go on that it is understood that always the work by the self, for the enlightenment of the self, be undertaken in a humble but daily method or manner. Emphasis being given not to the length of the experience, or the perceived depth of the experience, but rather to the purity of intention to seek, to desire to know the infinite One, to feel one’s ground as holy ground, and to discover the will of the infinite One for the self in service to all other selves. If this be daily, it need not be elaborate, and the elaboration may come as each entity finds its own path and its own most efficient way of processing information, insight and depth of worship.
Now Q’uo spoke to the question for this session by saying that before two people who are close friends became close they were biased in their natures and experiences by lessons from previous incarnations and the experiences that they had in this incarnation before meeting each other, and these would become catalyst for each other in their companionship. Q’uo went on to say that there was no such thing as perfect communication in this density, and we should not feel bad about that but use it as an opportunity to discover more of the mystery of the self. Q’uo suggested that the nature of one’s self could be discovered as one works with life experiences to see patterns that may be reflected in dreams, and new possibilities for action could be created by the mind and deep mind working together to make communication lighter and clearer as the self works with the self. They said that this process of the enlightenment of the self is based upon the purity of one’s intention to seek to do the will of the infinite One in the service of other selves and finding one’s unique way of processing information. On November 12, 1995, Q’uo said that we all are part of the Creator and the creation:
As we all are a portion of this one Creator, cells within the one great body of Being, each may through the process of meditation retire in a single-pointed fashion to that sacred room within and in those special moments of illumination become aware of the nature of the self and the nature of the Creator and the nature of the creation as being One.
Now let us see two selves: A and B, shall we say. As they meet each other and begin to build a bridge of communication, the first efforts at communication may well be very unsuccessful, but may also be quite undervalued if A and B are extremely fond of each other. It may not seem to matter so much what is said as the fact that there is the sound of the voice wishing to speak, and that feeling of one who wishes to hear what you have to say. This communication level is so satisfying that there is very little editing of information, and all kinds of information are allowed into the mind’s memory without editing or rejecting. This is a very efficient way to communicate, for a large base of data is gained.
The secret to this type of communication is the refusal to interrupt that which another is saying, upon both A and B’s parts. This joyful type of communication bubbles forth when each experiences the other for the first time, when history must be learned, and it is particularly exhilarating. More than entities realize is communicated during this period in which the subjective evaluation of information transfer is that much has been lost because of the bedazzlement of infatuation, love, or friendship. However, insofar as this has been the first and imprinting information, it does remain the very most important and deepest of the information base and is the basis for communication with the other entity until such time as any misperceptions in the original communication base have been discovered and work has been done to reprogram that misperception so that it reflects more accurately the true nature of the other self.
We may look at the base of information, then, as a kind of bottom of a pyramid. For as the time moves by in its perceived stream in your illusion, fewer and fewer bits of information transferred seem new to the self about the other self. A knows more and more of B, and begins to predict more and more of those things which B will tell. B does the same with A. A and B discover they have swapped their history to the point that there is less and less new to be learned. The base that was once so broad has been built on and built on until all of those things which are central and predictable within the terms of that special relationship begin to overshadow the entirety of the information base, and the useful bits of information are now perceived to be fewer and simpler and larger.
A and B begin to predict that which the other will think, begin to assume that they will have a certain reaction to a certain question, each from the other. We are not talking here about those times when A may be upset or angry with B, or B depressed or upset in some way. We are speaking of two entities of good will who have begun to assume that he or she knows the other entity.
This is the central difficulty in communication between intimate companions. Each entity has very riveting experiences, certainly, and much behavior is predictable, certainly, but the possibility of depth, eccentricity and nuance is prominent in any exchange of information which deals with deeply felt things, especially. And it is skillful not to assume that anything is known. It is skillful to listen precisely to what is said, and not to what is assumed to be true if that is said. This is a subtle point, simply because entities do not realize how many assumptions they make about their intimate companions. Such assumptions may be in general true, but all spiritual truths contain paradox. And no paradox is plainer than that every rule has its exception. Every generality that you use to predict your companion’s way of thinking and behavior will have substantial exception, and this exception is most important and needs to be given pride of place, needs to be given that blank space where there are no assumptions yet, in order that a difference may be explained.
Now Q’uo speaks about how two people, A and B, meet and begin a communication that may start unsuccessfully, but it is happily continued by both A and B because they are glad to gain information about each other and begin to build a large data base of information. However, Q’uo said that in this exchange of information there could be some information that is lost by both due to the bedazzlement of emotions caused by infatuation or love. Q’uo continued by saying that these concepts of each other are the basic foundation of information that will remain even after certain misperceptions about each other are discovered and reprogrammed to reveal more of the true nature of each other. Then Q’uo said that as time moves on in the relationship both A and B have accumulated enough information about each other that they begin to make predictions about how each will react to various situations, but this is not always helpful in the relationship because each has a depth of beingness that goes beyond description and contains paradox and exceptions to whatever rule of thinking one knows about how the other experiences its life. Q’uo suggested that this makes it necessary to listen carefully to what is said and realize that all rules have exceptions that need to be honored in order that a different point of view may be explained. On May 25, 1997, Q’uo described the virtue of listening carefully to what is said by another:
To listen with the compassionate ear, accepting that which is heard without judgment, is the most nurturing attitude that one may assume in such a relationship of entities. The answers to the puzzle, the untangling of the pain, is a process which can only be accomplished by an entity for itself in the ultimate sense. Other entities such as yourself may provide the listening ear, the compassionate heart, and occasionally the insight or wisdom to direct the entity where one’s intuition discerns that motion and movement may take place profitably, shall we say. It is the seeker itself that must engage the listener, that must engage the self, that must search relentlessly for the clues in this untangling process. It is this experience of untangling that which has been tied and fused together that provides the means whereby the entity will eventually find the Creator within, and the Creator within will come to know Itself more fully because of the experience of the seeker.
How then does one move into an awareness of the assumptions one is making? And perhaps should not make? We may suggest, not the walking away from the conversation, nor the working harder at the conversation, but a shift in the direction of the conversation. For in conversation entities normally tell each other things. In the midst of perceived breakdown of communication, we would suggest for those who are in deep distress, that perhaps a brief song, wise word, or some brief seconds-long ritual of centering, even in silence with held hands, provide a new base, a new place for two spirits to begin a different kind of communication. When this has been achieved, then we would suggest this general approach: Let either one begin by saying, “This is my reality. I know I have created it myself. And I am aware that there are things in it that are misperceptions. Otherwise, we would not have trouble communicating. Let me tell you the world that I, at this moment, create, and how in my world I am seeing myself in perceiving you.” This is done without interruption. Then the other takes the responsibility for the self, too, and says, “This is my universe. I am aware I have created it and I allowed and am alone responsible for it. In my universe, I have created my feeling this way, and feeling that you feel this way.”
These are not declarative statements alone; these are statements that are also requests, requests that the other not only state its reality that it has created, but also that it speak quite directly to those things about the creation of that entity, which is the self, that the other entity feels have biases that are not justified by that which the other entity’s creation contains. It is a feeling of the way, a moving back from an addiction to fact. One moves away from knowing what one knows when the blockages of communication between two intimates are to be cleared away. For it is not only the words themselves, it is the assumptions that have been created through years of repetitive actions that can destroy communication so effectively.
If there is the expectation, and it is not owned, if there is the prejudice and it is not owned, if it is not brought out into the open, how can the other entity do anything but respond to the feeling that lies behind the statement, which is seemingly innocent and harmless. So when there is a blockage that is inexplicable, it does not have to do with vocabulary or amount of information given. Then it is that one begins anew at another level of communication: a telling of the story of the self, a speaking of the legend of the moment. “This is what I have created. Respect this, but tell me what you have created, and I shall respect that.” And from this exchange, all differences in perception may be communicated back and forth, back and forth, until the two creations have a consensus reality, special to those two entities at that moment in the combined myth of two entities upon a journey of seeking together, thus unifying what was broken, and healing that which was sore and painful.
This does not mean that agreements can be reached in which each party feels the same, for each entity is unique and each path is different. Yet, if free will is respected, we feel that it is always possible to come, if one is humble enough, to express one’s perceptions and misperceptions as one who is responsible for them, to come to some mutually acceptable pleasantness and unity, wherein each respects the other’s points and sees what preferences caused the other person, who is quite honorable, to continue to hold a varying opinion.
Agreements do sometimes occur, but this is not the goal of communication. The goal of communication is the exchange, in freedom and peace, of information. To have an addiction to agreement is the same with the answer as having an addiction to fact in posing the question. Fact is to be released, for there are always exceptions. Agreements are to be released, for there are always possibilities of two unique points of view, both of which are correct in the personal truth of each. Thus, free will is preserved, mutual respect is given, and respect to the self is also given.
Here Q’uo suggested that when communication becomes difficult, that it is well to move away from erroneous assumptions by entering into a dialogue where one person says: “This is my reality. I know I have created it myself. And I am aware that there are things in it that are misperceptions. Otherwise, we would not have trouble communicating. Let me tell you the world that I, at this moment, create, and how in my world I am seeing myself in perceiving you.” Then the other person would do the same. Q’uo said that this was an effective way to clear away the blockages and assumptions that each may have been making through years of intimate interaction with each other that can destroy clear communication. Q’uo continued by saying that when this process is shared back and forth for a number of times that a consensus reality can be achieved between the companions. This technique of reaching a consensus reality is the topic of the book Nonviolent Communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg, PhD, and a brief synopsis of it is:
Nonviolent Communication is the integration of four things:
• Consciousness: a set of principles that support living a life of compassion, collaboration, courage, and authenticity
• Language: understanding how words contribute to connection or distance
• Communication: knowing how to ask for what we want, how to hear others even in disagreement, and how to move toward solutions that work for all
• Means of influence: sharing “power with others” rather than using “power over others”
Nonviolent Communication serves our desire to do three things:
• Increase our ability to live with choice, meaning, and connection
• Connect empathically with self and others to have more satisfying relationships
• Sharing of resources so everyone is able to benefit
Now we would only touch less centrally upon what would seem to be clear, that is, that other disturbances in the life pattern, changes in work, in geography, in circumstance, the loss of friends or family, these and many other things can cause one to be quite erratic in communication skills. There are two ways to deal with this truth. One is less efficient but more merciful. The other is more efficient, but does not partake much of tenderness.
It is the nature of each entity to move as he will between these two types of coping with special problems at special times. The merciful way to cope with an entity which is under tremendous strain is to move away from speaking of serious things, to attempt to give support, and to attempt to share the laughter, and to attempt to find ways, always to make merry and to, in the deepest sense, distract the entity from gazing at the situation which is so difficult and so puzzling because of its newness, and because of the grief and pain of loss. A far more efficient way to deal with this type of situation, which is special, is to continue to communicate as if both entities were not under stress. To continue to take responsibility for creating the universe in which each is living. This will lead to a large volume of communication. It is, however, a very efficient means of assimilating and aiding each other in assimilating the processes of change, wherein much old information is found no longer to be useful and must be, as this instrument would say in computer language, “dumped,” and that energy of the dumped program used then to create a new program, if you will, a new software program that will work in the new reality, which is perceived as true by the self.
Neither way is more correct than the other. How one deals with special circumstances, how one deals with self-pity, with sorrow, with all of the tragic sentimental and enfeebling emotions connected with the reactions of loss, pain, and limitation are equally acceptable. The less self-destructive that they are, may we say, the more efficient. Consequently, if one perceives oneself to need to cry, to feel self-pity, to feel weak, and to feel helpless, then by all means we suggest feeling this way; but feeling this way when it does not infringe on communication with others. And if one must feel this way in the company of another, it is well to communicate simply that one is incapable of clear thinking, thus again taking responsibility for the inability to communicate clearly before difficulties have arisen because of these special circumstances. Some entities need very badly to act out all of the anger, pain, and frustration of loss, whatever it may be. Others find themselves more invigorated by distracting the self, and moving positively in any direction while allowing the work of change to be done more or less subconsciously.
This information is known only to the self. And it is the skillful spirit which knows the self well enough to allow it the tenderness it may need or to give it the action in all directions that it might need, but in each case being responsible enough to say to the companion with whom one must communicate, “I am being unhappy now.” Or, “I am behaving in a manic way now, because this is how I need to deal with this trouble and sorrow. Consequently, I will not communicate well, and if I become troubled, I ask you please, to hug me, reassure me, leave me alone.” Each entity may fill in the blank.
However, my friends, most communication problems between those who are intimate are those of assumption and the lack of knowledge of the programs that the self is running. As you sit in meditation each day, if you find yourself coming to the end of your meditation, and you see that there may be time for prayerful quiet thought, and something is puzzling you, set your mind upon it gently, lightly. Don’t worry about it or attempt to untangle it, but gaze at it. There it is; this thing that seems rather fearsome; this place where one cannot communicate with another. There it is. Look at it. Do you fear this? What do you fear in this? Do you fear abandonment? Do you fear a loss of love? Do you fear being completely understood? Do you fear being right? Do you fear being wrong? Where there is a blockage, somewhere there is fear. Rest and gaze and sit with this companion of yours that you call a blockage, and when you again come to that state of mind, move to that again and rest and sit and admire it. And one day, it will burst into a candle flame and lucidly, clearly show you the untangled, the clear situation. For you ask, and so you receive, not in the time of humankind, but in the time of knowing, when you are completely ready to accept responsibility for the knowing. Be patient in these searches of the self, with the self, for your time of knowing may be now, or it may be some time from now, but once you ask, you may be sure that you shall know.
May you have the faith and the grace to have that patience and to seek in that steady persistent manner, regardless of circumstance. It is to the humble persistent seeker that doors are opened, questions are answered, and desires are given. Often not as you would expect it, but in the end in ways that always seem to contain so much more than you ever thought possible. May glory be with you in the harmony of the process of pilgrimage. In darkness and in light, in pain and in joy, love one another, my friends, and realize that you are never alone, that you always have the help of those friends who are unseen, those energies which are those of grace and clarity, beyond all human understanding.
Now Q’uo said that when there is a significant loss within a person’s life the communication skills might be significantly reduced, and they suggested two ways to deal with this situation. The first way was to distract the one suffering the loss by supporting it through laughter because the pain of loss is so new and puzzling. Then Q’uo said that the more efficient way was to continue communicating in a normal way in which the feelings of loss are described in detail and the pain of change is revealed as old programs are purged and the new being begins to emerge into a new reality. Q’uo said that neither way was better than the other as some people would need to remain distracted from the traumatic loss and let it be resolved more subconsciously while other people would need to act out their emotions by crying or getting angry. Q’uo said that the less destructive the response to loss the better it was for the one suffering the loss, and if the one suffering the loss had enough knowledge of itself it might communicate this to its companion by saying “I am behaving in a manic way now, because this is how I need to deal with this trouble and sorrow. Consequently, I will not communicate well, and if I become troubled, I ask you please, to hug me, reassure me, leave me alone.” Each entity may fill in the blank.” Then Q’uo said that the one suffering the loss may use meditation to discover more of the nature of the loss as to what one may fear such as the loss of love, being abandoned, being wrong, being right, or being understood. Q’uo recommended that when the blockage is perceived, that one may sit with it and give it time to clarify within one’s being, and when the time is right that which is needed will be found when one is patient and has faith that all will be well. Q’uo said that we are never alone as our unseen friends of grace and clarity are always with us. On November 16, 1986, Q’uo revealed the purpose of the mated relationship regarding the suffering of loss:
May we say that a persistent difficulty in speaking of your matings within your civilization is the great variety of motives for inaugurating and sustaining such a relationship. Almost never is it for the reason that is most closely aligned with the actual function and purpose of the mated relationship. Almost never is suffering, hardship and trouble used as the reason for choosing a future partner. And yet, this is the precise experience you wish to share, for your illusion is created in order that you may suffer and learn. That is the purpose of there being an illusion, for self-consciousness must be awakened. The third density begins with a sense of self asleep, and happiness and contentment do little to awaken the soul. It is the interactions with others that bring grief, suffering, loss, and trauma which create the opportunities you most cherished before the incarnation.
At this time, we would transfer this contact to the one known as Jim, if this entity would accept it. And we would leave this instrument in love and in light and in thanks for this instrument’s willingness to serve in this way. We are those of Q’uo.
This morning I went outside and transplanted the last five azaleas into the area around the cross in the back yard.
This afternoon I dug up another load of moss from the pet cemetery and transplanted it into the Moss Garden. Then I used rubber bands to tie down most of the daffodils in the astilbe patch so that the new astilbe can get more light for growth. Then I used my trimmer to weed some in the astilbe garden and around the forsythia bushes in that area.
From A Book of Days, channeled by Carla L. Rueckert:
March 27
A Nation Of Priests
I am the principle of Jesus the Christ and I greet you in the full consciousness of divine love.
The concept of nations among your people has not been aided by the Holy Spirit’s work within those who long ago formed the nation you call Israel.
Let the spirit of Christ proclaim that humankind is a nation of priests, an order holy to God. The state of Israel was not intended literally, nor do any nations, namings or boundaries form a portion of the full and perfect consciousness which is love.
Nay! Rather, love is that city within each which, like Jerusalem of your holy works, shines with the gems, pearls and precious metals, seas of crystal and light without limit. The kingdom of heaven, not the kingdom or nation of Israel or any other place, is the native land of humankind.
Its comforts reach out to you. Its beacon calls. And all the memories of home thrill one’s spirit as one gazes about the confusingly alien landscape of the smaller life of Earth-bound things.
Think not that a holy nation must needs conquer or be conquered. For the only nation that shall be holy shall be the nation with open arms and free consciousness to love all as priests of God in Christ should indeed do. Only in undifferentiated love may peace come to comfort the pilgrim.
We leave you in peace, now and forever. Amen.
I said the prayer at the Gaia Meditation tonight:
We come in the name of love and open our hearts, minds, and souls to send love, light, and healing energy to Mother Earth as she brings forth a new Earth in the fourth density. We ask that the infinite love, light and healing energy of the One Infinite Creator heal the hearts of all souls in pain on Earth tonight. May all souls on Earth feel our love, light, and healing energy in their hearts, their minds, and their souls. Amen.
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