The Spiritual Ethics of Suicide

[Adonai One]

For whatever reason, my teenage ideations of suicide have not affected my health at all. In fact, I came pretty close to ending this incarnation but was only stopped by being unable to find a weapon. Haha.

I suspect I enjoy the pain and drudgery of this existence deep inside. The fact is I enjoy being depressed. Maybe this is why it doesn't manifest as health concerns? Perhaps I really want to be here?

This existence is, indeed, wonderful because I find it so existentially burdening. Hopefully by the end of this short existence I'll be able to see the other side of this coin and become the drudgery itself.